How do I know if a girl likes me ?

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How do you know if a girl likes you?
Is it the way she smiles? Because I could never tell the difference between a friendly smile and a flirty one.
Is it the way she looks at you? Implying that she's supposes to have some look in her eyes or something?
Could it be the body language she sends to you? Assuming that she's into you.

How the hell do Neurotypes send these messages to one another ? like some kinda secret language or code...

So can anyone on here anwser me these questions or explain to me the dating system works because I'm sick of trying Online dating and not knowing who the heck I'm really talking to...
And while we're on the subject... how do you make friends ? I offend people more than I attract them and I'm pretty lonely and sick of talking to my siberian Husky wolfy and she's sick of listening to me whine and complain...


-Thank you-

Smiling and friendlyness is NOT a good indicator of whether a girl likes you, because women do this for the sake of civility regardless of whether or not they are attracted to someone.

To find out if a girl likes you, you generally have to test the waters and see how she responds. I don't mean anything overtly physical, I mean, if you say something a bit flirty in the conversation, does she reciprocate or does she try to steer the conversation away from that?

If this is a girl you just see a lot and don't know very well, try to strike up a conversation with her. If she is receptive to that, and actively engages in the conversation, you know she doesn't hate you, and eventually you might ask her out. It doesn't have to be a well defined "date". It's not uncommon for the "getting to know you" and "dating phase" to have blurred boundaries, just don't linger in that region too long and be sure to make it known to her within a relatively reasonable amount of time...usually a few weeks, that you like her as more than a friend.

She might not reciprocate these feelings and that's just something you will have to be able to deal with. Getting rejected is part of the dating process. Like all things in life one strives for, it involves risks.

Smiling and being friendly isn't an indication of someone liking you.

Watch the eye contact - she'll be more likely to give you long looks or suddenly turn away when you notice her looking, if you specifically give her a big natural smile and she returns it, holding eye contact with you, then that's a pretty good indication - but hard to judge for those of us on the spectrum. Touching is also a big one, it's part of flirting, so watch out for reassuring hand on shoulder, touching your arm, handing you things to get contact with your hand, or her standing/sitting near you. There may also be times when a woman complains about something being too heavy for her or needing help with something, that may well be her hoping you'll come to her aid and help, which can be a sign of interest.

She may ask if you're single or what you're doing - this is her seeing if you're single, seeing if there is an event where you're going so she can see you there. I think we lady creatures tend to do a lot more by the way of going out of our way to try to show attraction - given as we're discouraged from being obvious yet get somewhat frustrated waiting for the guys we like to make a move - we may well find a way to be near the guy we like. We find ways of sort of 'accidently' running into him somewhere or making sure we have an excuse to be around the same place as the guy.

Try talking to a girl you think you might like, see if she talks back - do test the water, personally I do this by asking the person if they're going to 'X' event and saying I'll see them there, that way if interested they may go out of their way to find me at that event which is a reasonable indication and opens things up to a friendship at least. If I know them well I'd ask them to go for a drink or party, as a casual friend type situation rather than a date, see what happens from there.

A girl likes you if she puts forth effort to interact with you. Like getting your attention, or keeping a conversation alive, or approaching you without invitation.

Politeness is reactive. Interest is proactive.

To respond to interest, all you have to do is act interested yourself. If it was a false alarm, her response will downgrade to reactive politeness.

Yeah, it's all about the situation. Does the context of the situation warrant romance? There was a girl that held my hands in school (I had a crush on her for a long time, she was HOT) but it was a science class where we were checking the pulse of the person we were paired with. Even though she had a nice touch, she wasn't interested. Sure, she turned out to be a lesbian (why do I always end up liking the lesbians?) but she wasn't interested. If she goes out of her way to try and get your attention, it means she likes you.

[quote="Bloodheart"]Smiling and being friendly isn't an indication of someone liking you.

Watch the eye contact - she'll be more likely to give you long looks or suddenly turn away when you notice her looking, if you specifically give her a big natural smile and she returns it, holding eye contact with you, then that's a pretty good indication - but hard to judge for those of us on the spectrum. Touching is also a big one, it's part of flirting, so watch out for reassuring hand on shoulder, touching your arm, handing you things to get contact with your hand, or her standing/sitting near you. There may also be times when a woman complains about something being too heavy for her or needing help with something, that may well be her hoping you'll come to her aid and help, which can be a sign of interest.

She may ask if you're single or what you're doing - this is her seeing if you're single, seeing if there is an event where you're going so she can see you there. I think we lady creatures tend to do a lot more by the way of going out of our way to try to show attraction - given as we're discouraged from being obvious yet get somewhat frustrated waiting for the guys we like to make a move - we may well find a way to be near the guy we like. We find ways of sort of 'accidently' running into him somewhere or making sure we have an excuse to be around the same place as the guy.

Try talking to a girl you think you might like, see if she talks back - do test the water, personally I do this by asking the person if they're going to 'X' event and saying I'll see them there, that way if interested they may go out of their way to find me at that event which is a reasonable indication and opens things up to a friendship at least. If I know them well I'd ask them to go for a drink or party, as a casual friend type situation rather than a date, see what happens from there.[/quote]
but how do I know if she's not trying to trick me into humilation? it has happened before.

Have no idea. Wish they would just tell you instead of relying on social cues that I can't understand, unfortunately.

See above, even if a woman is a total and utter b*tch she is not going to go to all that trouble to be around you and give off those sort of cues - some of it is very much natural response and not something that can be mimicked. Take it slow, get to know a girl as a friend and work from there...if a girl is trying to trick you then she's not going to go to all that effort and become a friend beforehand.

Besides, yes it is tough when people try to trick you into humiliation...but that's their problem not yours, you can't let that fear control you.

I had to make a comment here, hope it's okay. I'm an NT (if there really is such a thing as "typical"), and I'm married to an Aspie man (kx250rider, in forum), and I just had to add something about your Lesbian comment. My husband liked several women before me who turned out to be Lesbian. I found that fact interesting because I was always considered a "Tomboy" growing up. I liked men who tended to like me as a friend, ugh. But when I met my now husband 10 years ago or so, he seemed fascinated by me, but I figured he just wanted to be friends (like the rest of the men who found me interesting, in a friendly kind of way). Fortunately for me, I had been through all of the ridiculous game playing with NT men (which I suck at), and I was just ready to be real and be honest and get on with my life. He never made a single advance on me, which made me worry at first that I would be overstepping bounds if I made a move (or a suggestion for a move) on him.

But what got my attention is that he always acted genuinely interested in everything I talked about, which made me want to talk to him even more. That was really the only clue I had that he might like me. I also knew that he would go out of his way to help me lift things (as another member mentioned), or even ask if he could help with my car, etc. Now if I weren't a tomboy, and I acted the way I was TAUGHT to act (like try to play hard to get, that way they will chase you, and want you more), I never, in a million years would have ended up with my Aspie husband, who is so real and so honest, and so totally a real friend to me first. Fortunately for both of us, I never really subscribed to that "game-playing" way of thinking (which is sadly, probably why my dating life never went very well).

When I found my Aspie man, I was soooooooooo relieved that he was perfectly fine with me just asking him what he thought (about relationships and dating, etc.), and he was fine when I offered my opinions back to him. He didn't get all freaked out or run the other way because I was being honest with him (which was a refreshing change to me, after a lot of years of unsuccessful dating). I have to say though, the online dating never worked for me, it never paired me with anyone that I had more in common with than an initial attraction. Doesn't really last, as you probably know. And I met my husband totally by accident, so I don't have any good advice about where to go to meet your soul mate. The only advice I do have to offer is that if you tend to fall for Lesbian women, try hanging out where tomboy women also hang out. Granted, it's a very fine line between meeting yet another unavailable woman, versus finding the one cool girl with tomboy-like tendencies. But I can tell you that I am forever grateful that I bumped into my Aspie husband doing a very tomboy-like chore. I was mucking the stall at a boarding facility where I kept the first horse I ever owned. I was so impressed with how he stood there and had a perfectly normal-seeming conversation with me while I shoveled manure around the stall.

Didn't mean to ramble on, sorry about that, but I just had to say that if more men would have given "tomboy" types like me a chance, I think it would have led to much more success in relationships, for me anyway. But that's just my humble opinion, of course. Best of luck to all of those searching for their possible soul mate. I can say without a doubt, it will be worth your weight in gold, if you'll just convince yourself it's worth all of the "nonsense" that you'll, no doubt, have to go through until you find "the one." Best to all!

How do you know if a girl likes you? Honestly it's hard to say. Every girl has their own way of showing that they like someone. How these NT's pick up on it is a mystery to me.

Its not easy even for NT people. The best way is if you see a girl who you like, ask her out. As long as you are moderately organized and you don't spend a lot of money on her ( a big no-no- it will make girls feel that you are showing off and putting too much pressure on her). In my experience, it is rare for women to react really negatively when you ask them out politely. The chances that they will insult you or spend weeks hanging around nearby with their girlfriends sneering at you and making snide remarks is low once you get past junior high school. What do you have to lose? Every time I have to take a risk, I think back to the time I took a short beginner's sport parachuting class. Every time I get nervous I remember jumping ( or more precisely clumsily letting go and falling out of the plane. There are times in life that you have to jump out of that plane figuratively. Speaking of terror-inducing sports, I have hung out enough with people who are into that stuff, and the most frightening of all is luge- lying on your back on a barely controllable miniature version of a kids sled shooting down a slippery slope that's like a steep ice rink- scarier that bungee-jumping rock-climbing etc.

@Deadeye: firstly Thanks for the advice but I don't believe in True-Love nor SoulMates because only God can give and show true-love. Secondly, If there's one thing that annoys the F*** out of me it's the "You'll find your soulmate" BS line you hear all the time from married couples or people in love. It's much more easier for you to give hope to single people because you don't have to worry about it yorself.
Like Jack Sparrow in a jail cell from that "Pirates of the Carribean" scene where the Black pearl attacks and Jack's the only one left and the last one to escape from the neighboring cell tell's him the best of luck. You see where I'm going?
@Everyone else: I should've put a "NO COUPLES" warning in the topic heading. Since they give the most useless advice for singles.x

Body language is a secret language that NT's know by instinct and don't even really realize that they use. You can, though, learn it. Wikihow has an excellent article on this. http://www.wikihow.com/Read-Body-Language

Well I don't blame you at all for feeling that way, and I really DO understand your sentiments. We were ALL single at one time - and some of us for quite a LONG time too. Remember though, when you exclude "couples" you might be excluding the one group who might actually be able to give you advice based on experience. Just a thought, but if you limit your group of advisers to single people, perhaps you might be missing the point a bit. Might that not be like asking a bunch of people in debt how to save your money? I might prefer going to the ones who actually have the thing I want, and then try to copy what they did in order to get it. But that's just me.

I don't mean to sound like a smart alack, and I really do know that feeling of thinking that couples are under some delusion of "love" and they couldn't possibly give me advice - I'm a very logical person, I think with my brain first, and my heart second. But consider this too, because I'm that way, I've spent approximately 35 years of my life as a single person, as opposed to most of my friends marrying in their 20's and living "happily ever after" (yeah, right). I didn't believe a single one of them either! And in all honesty, many of them are divorced now anyway. But here's the thing. Maybe you're not comfortable with calling this other person a "soul mate" for religious reasons, and that's okay too. But trust me on this one fact; if you're 23 right now, and you're a decade ahead of me in asking for dating advice. I'd wager to say that one day you will find someone out there you will be so comfortable with as to call them your best friend and partner in life, that you'll want to give all of your single friends "stupid" advice too. Because you'll want them to feel as good as you do. Even if you don't really know how to describe it or how you got lucky enough in the first place to find it yourself. That's how I feel anyway.

And here's the best part of all; You don't have to believe me for it to happen (I did not believe in "good relationships" until I turned 38), and ran smack into my partner, and now husband of 8 years. It made a believer of me, and just so there's no confusion, there's plenty of room for God in our lives too. One last thing, I see your point how saying, "best of luck" could come off sounding sarcastic or even negative (in some small way), that is certainly not how it was intended to be received. And for that reason, I'd like to take that back "figuratively" (from my original post).

Neurotypicals ask this endlessly too.
If you're hoping for magic Aspie wisdom, I haven't seen any.

not necessarily about eye contact in all cases: some people light be proud and not want to show obvious signs of interest and so deliberately look away.

all in all, because aspergers means difficulty in deciphering facial expressions, i wouldn't kill myslef to detect these signs of interest. what i would do is open up a conversation and see how much she reciprocates my opinions