Is it boasting when you tell people you're a nice person?

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pensieve
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29 Dec 2014, 9:34 pm

I have a little feeling that it is taken that way.

My friend came up with an idea to Pay It Forward, the thing where you do a good deed for someone and that person it turn does a good deed. Except this time it was more organised, people pretty much agreed to take part and I suppose one person on the list would do something nice for them and they would do something nice for another person on the list.

At first not many people were signing up and someone made a comment that people rather receive than give. Well, I love to give so I wanted my friend to know that but I'd just want to do good deeds for people whenever the opportunity comes up so I didn't want to be a part of the initiative.

Someone took this to mean I thought it was a bad idea and that no one should do it, even after I explained how much I thought Pay It Forward was a good idea, I just personally didn't want my good deeds to run by a schedule.

Did I say anything wrong? I just wanted my friend to know that I'm always nice to people and love to give. Now I feel like I may have been boasting.

My friend didn't say anything and she is aware that I'm not that great at communicating and I do say things inappropriate by accident. At least I hope she does.

I suppose it's just another learning experience for me.


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29 Dec 2014, 10:24 pm

Yes,
It's doubtless seen as boasting.
And everyone says that about themselves unless they're trying to be scary.


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SadButRad
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09 Jan 2015, 5:03 pm

Well basically you disrupted the whole group conciousness.

Alot of the time in groups, people act cohesively and "think in groups"

that means no one really cares about "individual" opinions, the focus is on the majority opinion.

It's often enough to subtly express that you're not too into something and see if other people follow.

However if the majority is into something it is not wise to discourage that and act like you are "the leader" unless its made know before hand that you are.

Probably not the worst thing you could do, but yeah it's best not to draw too much attention to yourself when it's unnecessary.



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11 Jan 2015, 8:22 am

It is generally assumed that if you actively refer to yourself as "nice" that you except special treatment or feel entitled to something as a result of being nice. If you are nice, people usually notice and it can go without being said.


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11 Jan 2015, 10:21 pm

If someone calls themselves nice it might also seem like they just want people to think they are nice to try to cover up some kind of agenda. I've just known some people that would do that.



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12 Jan 2015, 8:23 pm

I think the thing is that you probably weren't the only one in group who normally helps old ladies cross the street or volunteers at the soup kitchen or whatever.

The point of the participation was to do something as a group. The idea was to prove that in spite of whatever differences you have, you a a well bonded cohesive unit that believes in giving back or doing the right thing. Such a group identity is something to draw pride from.

So, by stating your reluctance to participate, they might have taken it as a sign that you bear them or your friend some degree of ill will, you think the group is none of those things, and you want to deny them that group pride or worse, deny your friend some pride in pulling it off.

It's sort of like they wanted to take a group photo and you said "I've already had my picture taken this year, so why should I pose for the group photo?" That's sort of how they probably feel, anyway.