Is there a name for this kind of relationship?

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Hi:
For the past decade I have known the same person for 10 years that I met at a sheltered workshop during a 30 day work evaluation period. Although she is very sweet this person and I think she has nice qualities our relationship has not been the healthiest. In fact we have been communicating off and on since July of 2012 since my tolerance for her has lowered over the years.

Here is the list below
1. She lives at home with her parents who are ridiculously protective of her because they look at her as "severely disabled."
2. They have all kinds of time on their hands and they have not bothered to teach her any skills- Cooking, cleaning, money managing etc. Instead they allow her to sit up stairs in her room and play with her electronic devices all day like a little kid(She could not more than that).
3. This person has been so protected that they are spoiled and have been allowed to get away with inappropriate behaviors. She used to call myself and several of my other friends excessively if we did not pick up the phone to speak with her. I had tried to set boundaries with her on several occasions and she didn't listen. Instead I got accused about how I wasn't being a good friend.
4. She is incredibly manipulative and controlling. For instance she has often accused me of caring more about my studies than having a friendship when I was telling her how excited I was to get back to college.
5. Last night I went out to meet another friend for a meet up and dinner out and I got constant texts on my way to meet my friend about how I should have stayed home instead because my friend was stuck at a home feeling under the weather. She has facebook and all kinds of people who she knows that she may talk with.
6. Plus while she did all this whining I kept inviting her to my parties and other events and she was never available. In fact she was always going out of town or doing this or that.
7. This last time I have invited her to several things but she never seems interested. Yet she always whines about wanting me to be her beck and call because she's lonely.

So I talked it over with my friend on the way home from going out and he said that I needed to consider cutting ties with her all together. So I took his advice because I was pretty embarrassed at her behavior. I didn't want to let her go. Unfortunately it wasn't working.

What do you call this type of relationship?

A bad one.

What else bugs me is that she went down to a vocational school for a good year where they were supposed to teach her job and independent living skills. She graduated from that program and is right back at square one.

She kept wanting to cling to me and talk about how lonely she was and bored. I had said several times that if she was that bored to speak with her parents about her situation. I often got excuses from her.

"Well they don't have any money."

I suggested that she go and volunteer in her local community like a nursing home.
"Eww I don't want to change diapers."

I also suggesting working at a dog kennel since she loves dog.
"I don't like the smell of dog poop."

I also made a suggestion about going to a site to take free online college courses to pass the time.
"I don't want to go to college. I have this XYZ phobia."

I tried my best to suggest things and she would sit and whine.

http://www.heartspiritmind.com/relation ... re-people/

Does this article describe her?

I would say that she is emotionally very immature but not everything in that blog described her at the same time her behavior is as follows.

1. She is obsessed with me and sometimes I wonder if she thought we had an intimate girlfriend-girlfriend relationship. When I went out to meet my other guy friend and meet-up group for dinnerthis past Sunday she sure acted like it. "I wished that you would have stayed home tonight. I have a bad cold and I need some cheering up(She was mad that I was not at my computer to facebook her).

2. She extremely manipulative and controlling
- Accusing me of caring more about my studies than wanting a friendship
- The first time I cut off the relationship in 2012 I had threatened to call the police because calling and texting me got to the point of harassment and manipulation. When we reconnected she said "Just don't threaten to call the police on me again. That really hurt my feelings. I was so hurt that I threw away my birthday present that you bought me."
-When I cut the relationship off this time I got a very whiny manipulative message "Please come back. I am nothing without you."

3. Tantrums
- One year my aunt and I took her to Disney world and we were in line to get pictures with two of her favorite Disney characters. As we got up there they were switching up the characters. So the staff members were pulling them away and we tried to hug them but the staff would not let us. This left her stomping her foot and crying.

4. Blaming others
She did tell me about a bossy roommate from vocational school. Again she is quite bossy herself. Then when it comes to taking responsibility it's everyone else's fault.

5. Excuses
Not wanting to do anything with her life, whenever I would get after her for calling too much and attempting to set boundaries to have her call a few times a night,she would do it anyway. The excuse would be "Well you never call me."

I really think she is a sweet girl but very spoiled and selfish and self centered thanks to the way her parents have handled things.

This sounds like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), and you are her emotional 'feed' so this probably leaves you feeling drained like a vampire is sucking your blood, or your emotions, dry.

Oh I wouldn't go that far. For one thing she isn't demonizing other people and cutting herself. Although right before the first time I cut the relationship off she did tell me some story about trying to kill herself twice before she met me.

I think the real issue is her mother. For one thing she is a woman who has a chip on her shoulder for some reason. So she is very negative about everything.

I have an update about this person. She sent me an e-mail via texting and I have honestly never heard her curse at me before.

She basically said that I am a dumb b****c and that I had not right to respond to her the way that I did. Then she said that she just asked me to stay home because she was sick and that I am so f*&^ clueless.

I have seen her throw a tantrum and manipulate people but I have never seen her go so far as to curse like a sailor when she didn't get her way. Either way I laughed when I caught her talking to me like that or swear at anyone.

I wrote to her first and said that I was not happy with the way she talked to me and and was not taking anymore abuse from her. I also forwarded her hostile message to her mother and I requested that this girl and I refrain from contacting each other because we just are not a good fit.

I think you made the right choice cutting ties with this person, to me this has a lot of the elements that make up a 'bad relationship'. I personally would feel very uncomfortable around this individual based on what has been described. I hope she doesn't do something really bad that puts you in any danger.

Again I forwarded the letter to her mother and let her know that it was not acceptable to talk like that.

As far as doing anything she doesn't drive or own a car and then she doesn't live near transportation so I am not real worried. I am more concerned with her retaliating at me and so I just put her e-mails on spam so I can't get them anymore.

I also sent her a few audio text messages that it was NOT acceptable to speak to me like that and if she did that again the police would be called(This is the second time that I have threatened to call the police on her).

That is good to hear. Hopefully this can be put behind you and you can move on.

Thank you so much for your support because I feel good about making choice. I honestly feel very free too. I loved this person to death because she is a good person and again has nice qualities. I felt bad about doing what I did. At the same time I don't think she was very interested in what I am currently doing with my life.

1. I invited her to my things every time there was a social gathering and she could never make it because her parents had this plan or than plan all the time
2. There is an event coming up in the spring that I suggested she join me at to volunteer and I got the "Well I'll think about it" response
3. She would guilt trip me every time I talked about learning and getting back into college and I would often get accused of "Caring more about my studies than wanting friends."
4. I felt like I was stuck being her nanny or caregiver
5. Her father invited me to a Christmas party for an athletic organization for people with developmental disabilities and I don't think she was that thrilled to see me. She was more interested in dancing with her friends from the organization that has down syndrome. Then I think her mother has been resentful because I was able to get into college and move out on my own without supports. She always seems distant and angry to me since. Then she is negative and very closed minded to everything.

As far as her comment goes with the whole college thing yep it's getting to that point with me. I don't mind becoming more of a nerd and geek because I have learned that most people are not capable of being your friend. Then I just got out of another toxic relationship last year when the other person decided that it was not worth it for us to continue the relationship. I was very hurt and confused to a long time. It was only after I let this girl go on Sunday that I realized two things.

1. It was all for the best that the first person rejected me. For one thing that relationship came with lots of drama and they seemed miserable around me and often said hurtful or mean things to me all the time.
2. I thought it if was okay to be rejected then it was okay for me to cut off all ties with this person.

So I am actually quite alright having fewer friends and learning to like myself.

Your welcome. That is one reason I love Wrong Planet; I can help others and they can help me.

When it comes to friends, I like to think of it this way.

"Quality over quantity."

On Facebook for example, while some people I know have friends ranging in the thousands, I have a comparatively humble 179, which in my book is still a lot. They are all people I have met face to face at one point or another and I never just accept any request unless I know them somewhat well and have actually met them before, but some I have not seen or spoken to in years. There is this limited number of friends I have which our friendships are as strong as ever and I would trust them with my life and I care a lot for them.

Point is, you don't need a large friend circle to be happy. All you need is a small handful that you care greatly about and they feel the same. There may be friendships that come and go (that has happened with me as well), but a few quality friendships hands down will always beat a large quantity of them.

If you need to talk to someone, I spend more time here than I ever do on Facebook so I'm pretty much always around.

I do have a handful of interesting friends who are of high quality right now and I am very impressed with what I have seen. Even their mothers leave me feeling full.

I have had five females in my life who I know refer to as the "Big 5." The first one went as far back as 1986 when I was only 4. I found out that each of these females were one or more of the items below
1. Snotty
2. Bratty
3. Spoiled rotten
4. Self centered
5. Insecure
6. Selfish
7. Arrogant
8. Clingy
9 Mean
10.Diabolical
11.Disrespectful towards others
12.Catty
13. Persnickety
14. Dishonest

I have had other women in my life who have been the best of friends too. This includes a woman who drove me to the from the bus who was willing to be a good mentor to me when others were not.