What set ups did you face?

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Hi:
I was just wondering how many of you in here ever dealt with situation where people who normally didn't appear interested in us suddenly came forward to act like our friends and invite you to something. So being as naive and wanting friends you trust this person to go along with what they invite you to. Little you know that this is a set up.

A good example was when the young man invited by a group of peers his age to participate in the ice bucket challenge only to find toilet water and feces on him.

Has anyone had situations like that?

Yes. In each case it lasted months, in others, years. I am glad that no one has thrown excrements at myself....I have had those situations, but not that one.

What are your experiences?

I didn't have anything like that dumped on me but I will name one example:

1. 11 years ago I had attended a church care group for singles and young adults and I had to always ask for rides home. There was a girl in the group who I appeared to get along with but she never appeared interested in offering me rides even I was on her way home. It was always someone else's responsibility. Then she moved closer to me.

During a last weekend in January 2004 I was at church and she stopped me in the halls after Sunday school and stopped me in the halls before services and asked if she could give me a ride since she lived closer. I said I had other plans. She gave me her number and said "Let me know if you change your mind or if something falls through."

Long story short I ended up calling her and that is when she told me "Oh by the way we need to get here early our small group leader needs to talk with you." That got me worried but I let her pick me up to listen. He arrived and it turned out that they were mad at me for telling other members of the group confidential things and how I betrayed everyone's trust. They also acknowledged my apology but still held me accountable. They also knew that I wasn't aware of the small group rules.

Later that evening: The event ended and she was suddenly too busy to take me home that was my aunt's responsibility. I also learned that this group started spreading things about me in retaliation of my mistakes. So others started ignoring me and took no notice of me at their small group.

edited: For the set up there was a church small group going on the day she offered me a ride to the care group. She had also moved closer.

(I was taking a quick break from work)

My experiences are terrible. Cruelty has no limits. Social blindness, and naïveté are bad things to have....It allows others to take advantage for their own good, and for my own bad.

I got set up by one of my co-workers at my old job back in the day. She basically invited me to a movie and it was discovered later she that used that opportunity to find out my levels of weirdness so she could make fun of me and spread lies.

That is an horrible thing to do....I know how bad it is. I do not understand why people do these kind of things.....

Two things:
1. Sign of ignorance
2. They are doing it because they want to prove they are so much better

Other set ups:

The same girl who pulled the movie theater stunt also invited me to her wedding to help out with the guest book. She then turned around behind my back later telling people that I showed up unannounced the day of her wedding. So she put me on the guest book. That was because she didn't want me bothering her other guests

I have another one but don't have time to write it right now

I think that anybody who intentionally causes any kind of pain to someone else, that they are much worse than the one who is suffering. And, if it is because of ignorance, stil it does not make it any better.

About that individual, If it were me, I would have not gone myself to that wedding.

I regretted it afterwards because it was the most boring affair that I had gone too. I didn't find out that she had actually hated me until a year and a half later when she started ignoring and avoiding me while talking to the new girl.

Here is the other set up:

There was a boy who I knew since 8th grade that other peers kept hinting that we go out. He friend zoned me while I fell for the self fulfilling prophecy that we were the right match. He ended up liking another friend of mine because they were similar and their mothers were closely knit friend wise. His mom wanted them to date while having him reject me because they got the wrong idea about me next to not knowing much about Autism. So they started dating during high school. Meanwhile I was jealous. Well long story short they went to prom together with another peer of mine and her date. I couldn't fine a date if I tried and they didn't want me in their group so I went alone since I bought a dress and a ticket. I was so upset about seeing them together as well as devastated that they didn't let me ride with them to prom that I cried 75% of the time that night.

At the end of the event he decided to dance with me out of the blue because his date stole the other date of the other girl who they came with. She was mad at him as well. He also said he knew I was upset that I didn't have a date either. In fact they broke up afterwards.

When they got back together they told everyone that I had broken them up because I was obsessed with him. Little did I also know that he and his girlfriend were also acting like trusted friends and spread viscous lies. They also hated my guts.

Well, better finding out later than never. However, it is not so much of a good thing to not be able to "see" the ill intentions of someone. And, even if you learn a little of social awareness, you still get to find it much later. Do not you not think that, it would be so much better when you first get to know someone, that they would tell you their actual intentions? Even if said intentions cannot be fulfilled (whatever the reason it might be, good or bad), it would save a lot of time, you would know what to expect about that someone, so you would make less mistakes, and more of the right choice, because you can prepare yourself mentally for that, for what is going to happen. You could even avoid said individual directly if that individual truly had a bad intention. But, that is not how people work, unfortunately....But, with that there would be no manipulations, you would not be deceived. No lies. If there were someone blunt, straightforward.

I would have not wanted to go to that prom either. And, yes, it is very bad getting the wrong idea...Being misunderstood....It seems like there was there a lack of acceptance towards yourself. Spreading lies....I think that could have made others to do some other bad things, right?

She is still mean to do this day because she acted like the past was behind us and added me on fb. Then I found out that she blocked me and boasted about it on his fb timelime. "Do you have Summer as a friend on FB? I blocked her from mine!"

I mean she was already married to someone else and had a 6 month old baby.

Set ups? Probably many more than I realise, but what do you do, treat everyone with suspicion? If it isn't obvious, then yeah I probably fall for it. I think it would kill the part of me that isn't cynical (contains hope) to doubt every nice gesture from others. I know it shouldn't be an all or nothing approach, but if I treat all potential interactions as a minefield, I wont ever leave the house again. Yeah people make fun at my expense, but in retrospect I don't care too deeply, because I expect it to happen occasionally and then I know concretely that the person is not genuine.

I don't get suspicious but there are ways to try and prevent these setups. One of the best ways to do that, even though it's hard to read people, notice if they seem to ignore you otherwise.

If they don't:
1. Ask for exchange of numbers or call you
2. Seem to include you at school, church, clubs etc.
3. Talk to you like a regular person-Conversations seem phony