I can't think of anything to say.

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I've always had serious problems with communication. I've managed to overcome them in a practical sense (I'm a successful software developer with a family), but while I'm "making it" in life, I'm profoundly lonely.

I have only one real friend, who I haven't seen in over a year. At work, nobody really knows me aside from the few people I directly work with, because I can't possibly spare the mental energy to engage with a significant number of people in a corporate environment on a regular basis. Often when people I do know pass by, I actually avert my gaze because I know that interaction will be exhausting and highly distracting for me.

In relaxed social settings, where I do exert great effort to communicate because of my loneliness, I have a sense that other people quickly become bored while talking to me. I simply can't think of anything to say that isn't a businesslike discussion of facts about some particular thing or another.

Most normal people talk about unserious matters just for the sake of engaging in conversation rather than to achieve some goal with their communication. I'm completely incapable of this. My thoughts tend to be very logical and purpose-driven. I have very little sense of humor. In the past I would often yammer on about something without concern for the other person's boredom, but now I'm so acutely aware of the problem that I just end up saying nothing. Naturally, that doesn't result in making many friends.

This is really one of those few problems that seems to be inherently related to who I am, rather than something I can change with effort like I have with so many other aspects of my life. I'm curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience and found some way of making friends. Should I give up on finding friends that aren't also autistic?

I have the exact same problem. Not only my asperger is making me incapable of keeping an interesting conversation going, but i am very socially anxious so i have trouble thinking of what to say next.

I have tried making conversation plans and trying to prepare things to say like an actor. Conversations are all different though and i have trouble improvising.

I have kinda given up by now but im curious if someone has any other ideas for how to deal with this kind of problems.

I find this a lot. If I know I'm going to be meeting up with someone (rare but it happens) I find myself planning and rehearsing things to say. I find silence excruciating. If the conversation goes quiet I find a deep existential dread and sadness comes on me very quickly which I desperately try to cover by thinking of something else to say. This doesn't make for natural, flowing conversations and even when I do think of stuff it's a kind of head thing and not really a spontaneous communication and often it doesn't really get the conversation moving again anyway and I have to think of something else very quickly. The whole thing becomes very stilted and painful and often in the past people have just kind of given up on me. Friendships and relationships have just ground to a halt in a kind of entropy until we just drift away from each other. I hate it.

You guys are saying a lot right here!

I have this problem too. I sometimes find myself in social situations and try to join a group that are having a conversation but I can't join in because I just can't think of anything to say, or by the time I've thought of something the conversation has moved on. Even when I'm alone with someone we end up with loing silences because I just can't think of anything that they may find interesting. As a reslt of this, I find myself drifting off and end up on my own.

I also find myself getting irritated by small-talk and the my wife gets irritated with me and we end up not talking.

It's not fun...

you have a wife though....

This is true, and I often wonder why she has tolerated me for so long.

i am writing a book called "I can't think of anything to say" that i fear i will never finish.

Haha. Can you even get started, if you can't think of anything to say?

I struggle with this too. Like, if someone asks me about a movie or piece of artwork or something, I won't know what to say about it, and I think I sound stupid just because I don't have anything to say. In conversation, I know I should ask questions to keep the conversation going, but I can't think of any. So the conversation just trails off awkwardly. Or I'll have something to say, but I'll wait too long, and the moment will pass. I don't have very many close friends, and struggle with communication even with the ones I do have.

The question I hate the most is "What's up?" I've been told I should say something other than "nothing", but I just don't know how to respond to such an open-ended question--especially when I don't really have too much going on. So I just say "nothing" usually.

i was joking.
i almost wrote "i have just completed the the 14th installment to my series of books titled "i have nothing to say" "

it can be quite difficult to describe how it is to have nothing to say.





if i have no idea about what they are talking, i will not respond. sometimes they feel silly, not me.


i do not care to extend topics i am not interested in. people just have to wear it.

same for me too. I have to work right opposite someone on a bench all day and they swap us round every day with other people so I really struggle cos I have to get used to someone to be able to make any kind of small talk. I find people spend a lot of time calling others which is awkward cos I don't like to do this. Also I struggle with knowing whether I should speak to someone when I pass them. I find it really awkward making eye contact and wondering if I should say hello. I just can't seem to understand the basic cues that everyone else takes for granted.

This resonates with me deeply. While I am able to "fake it" in social situations, I'm always exhausted (and usually a bit bored) by small talk. I don't think quickly on my feet and usually have to process the conversation for a few minutes before responding. I usually just end up quietly observing from outside the conversation. This has definitely hindered my ability to deepen any acquaintances into deeper friendships although, I am blessed to have one close friend who has multiple friends on the spectrum and a very understanding wife. I'm curious too how everyone else is able to make it through a day of social interactions because I feel like I just becoming more and more anxious until I don't want to leave my house!

I can never answer "What did you do last weekend?" Unlike "How are you?" there is no set answer (always a variation of "fine," never the truth). I can't lie and say I did something normal. And I can't tell the truth and jump into a detailed description of what I did do (either special interests or some version of depressively staring at walls/TV/books, decompressing from the week). I freeze on that question. Later, after they're gone, my brain reminds me I saw a movie or something, but it's too late. I try to remember to say: "Not much. What about you?" but I usually forget, just like I often forget "fine" to the "How are you?" question and blurt out something inappropriate and honest.

Of course, I don't WANT to hear about their weekend, too. So...boring....

Anyway, to give the right answers, I have to be fresh and on my social game. If I am off at ALL, I either freeze or say what I actually want to say, which could be about a different topic entirely. Usually I try to go to common areas at work when other people are scarce.

The problem is that what I want to talk about is not socially acceptable; it's not small talk. I can remember the small talk routine if all the stars are in alignment that day, but that's it.

I've decided that I am the weird one at work, and all I can do is try to be nice and do a good job. If they want me to do improv, too, they will have to pay extra.

(That being said, in a boring class, I work on my witty repartee persona with the person I'm next to. If you're into that sort of thing, it's fun. Puns, stupid jokes, rolling your eyes at the teacher. OK, I'm in my 30s, but in school this kind of thing was awesome if the person next to me was cool. I have had a lot of misses though for every laugh I got, though, so it's risky.)