Responding to creepy men on bus or in public

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Summer_Twilight
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04 Feb 2015, 7:13 pm

I take the bus to get around town or ever when I am in public and they will approach me and tell me how pretty I am and often ask for my name. I never give them my real name but give them the name "Summer" instead. Is that even a good idea? What should I give them for a name since I don't want to lie or be rude.



Fnord
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04 Feb 2015, 7:23 pm

If they ask for your phone number, give them one for AA, the psychiatric help line, a suicide prevention hot line, or the police.



Janissy
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04 Feb 2015, 7:27 pm

Tell them nothing. You don't owe them name, real or fake. It's none of their business. Men like this prey on the tendency of many women to not want to be rude.

If you must say something, say "none of your business" or something similar. They will then get huffy and say "I was just trying to make conversation. Geez!! !" or something similar. Ignore that. Let them huff. They will move on to some other woman.

This tendency stops once you hit middle age. It is literally the BEST thing about middle age for a woman (except for women who liked the attention).



Summer_Twilight
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04 Feb 2015, 7:33 pm

There is a guy in my neighborhood who will not take no for an answer and I have made it clear that I am not interested in him. He is also as well. I finally ignored him walking to the bus and just kept walking while I just ignored him.

"Come on what did I do?"



Fnord
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04 Feb 2015, 7:34 pm

Call the cops before he does something you will regret ... if you live through it ...



elliot87
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04 Feb 2015, 8:20 pm

Whoah! U don't have to be polite or even acknowledge them in fact u probably shouldn't



Summer_Twilight
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07 Feb 2015, 3:27 pm

Thanks guys this has been a big issue of mine for a long time. I always feel like I have to say something but you are right I don't. This is especially true with the neighbor who always tries to win me over by talking to me or beeping the horn at me several times if we run into each other. So ignoring him will have to be the way to get the message across since he doesn't get it. nI will have to practice what I have learned with the neighbor



0_equals_true
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08 Feb 2015, 6:56 am

Yes best not to engage, or show them you are bothered that just gives them what they want anyway: a reaction.

Having said that, make sure people are are around and there is adequate street lighting.

Have you thought about a different bus route? it is drastic an annoying but it will drive home the message and make you less stressed.



0_equals_true
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08 Feb 2015, 7:02 am

Note forwardness is annoying, and cat calling more so.

But just fair warning "creepiness" is not a good indicator of risk. It is not as if creepy people can't be a risk factor, just simply creepiness is a feeling due to not being interested or attracted to someone, or finding the situation awkward, rather than an actual indicator of risk.

However, those outside of this could also be a risk factor, and many people who appear creepy may be no really risk to you.



0_equals_true
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08 Feb 2015, 7:05 am

Fnord wrote:
Call the cops before he does something you will regret ... if you live through it ...

You really need a catalog of behaviour. If someone is harassing you need to record it in some way, either in writing or some other means.

If you go to the Police and say someone 'creeped' me out, that is not enough to have a word with them let alone arrest anyone.



Campin_Cat
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08 Feb 2015, 8:05 am

Janissy wrote:
This tendency stops once you hit middle age.


I'm here to say that this is NOT true----at least, in MY experience. All-my-life I've been hit-on because I was attractive. Now, I do everything that I know to do, to be UNattractive----doesn't matter, it seems. I can really relate to the OP because I had a neighbor that used to expose himself to everybody----ME, included. I finally called the cops on 'im. I get so sick of it----I have even gotten hit-on, right here, on WP----where they can't even SEE me----by MARRIED men, no less!! So, I'm thinking the problem, OP, is that you're being too nice. I know, I know----how does one, NATURALLY, be otherwise? I have the same problem. Also, I've found that just ignoring them doesn't always work, either, because that could set-them-off, if they're, like, mentally disturbed, or something----look how many times you've heard about people shooting people because they were rejected by someone.

The only thing I've been able to come-up-with, is to just continue to be nice, and then get away from them, as soon as possible----with your neighbor though, that's going to be tougher. I think I WOULD call the cops, on the neighbor----like someone else said, it'd be good to have a record of "him and you". I like the idea of giving them a fake name----but, unless you live in a major metropolitan area, what are the chances of you running-into them, again? If they say "Hey, Summer", will you turn-around? If not, they'll know you lied, and THAT could set them, off.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to offer more help----I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone, and that I also know how badly, it sucks.