Is it necessary to have a "connection" to form a true

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Friendship? It is mentioned a lot by people (from what I have read) about these kind of "connections". So, I am wondering if it is even necessary for a true friendship to happen (only friendship). I would like to have a sincere answer regarding this, and well explained, of course.

Yes, I definitely believe some kind of "connection" is essential in order for a "true" friendship to happen.

Otherwise, people are just "acquaintances."

I also believe a "connection" is necessary. There are many, many people in the world. We do not like them all equally. I think this is why they call it "chemistry" between people. Some people, we click with just right. Others, we do not. "Chemistry" is needed in both friendships and romantic relationships, I think.

However, this connection/chemistry is not always obvious when one first meets someone.

Also, having this connection/chemistry does not automatically form a relationship. The circumstances of life do not always allow for something to be done about this connection. One can feel a connection to someone else, and sometimes never know if that feeling is mutual because life circumstances prevent it.

It makes it really hard to make friends when one doesn't experience that "connection" with many people to begin with. Then, when it is narrowed down further by circumstances, it's just really hard to find friends.

I see. I have another question: Is this "connection" what causes some kind of understanding between individuals?
Thank you for answering sincerely, by the way. I appreciate it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "understanding"...

I think people who have a connection can communicate without words. I guess that would be an "understanding". HOWEVER, words/actions are needed to BACK UP what is being perceived. This is why I said above that life circumstances can prevent a relationship from forming from a connection. One might *feel* a certain something coming from the other person, but if that cannot be *proven* through actual words/actions, there is no foundation to know if that connection is *real*.

If one knows for sure that the connection is real, that ineffable "connection" can allow the two people to have it to understand each other on a different/deeper level that goes beyond what words can express.

I guess that is why a "connection" is needed for a friendship vs. an acquaintanceship. Someone who really "gets me" is the one who is a friend. Someone destined to only be an acquaintance can hear the words but not understand the deeper "feeling" behind them. I hope that makes sense.

The whole idea of friendship is based on two individuals connecting. So I don't think it's merely a necessary ingredient, but inherent to the concept.

I mean this by understanding someone; not being misunderstood. I was told that someone like me could understand me. Someone on the spectrum. Is that even possible that such individual exists, and with some similar interests?

And, yes, it makes sense what you wrote. Thank you again to you.

Alex, thank you too for commenting about this. It is good having honest replies. I appreciate it.

Now wait a second...LOL....you don't think my comment was "honest?"

I calls them as I sees them!

If you mean is there a cause and effect - does that connection cause the friendship to become a real friendship - then I think it does.

It's one reason why I think my "best friend" from grade school and I weren't as close after we grew up, I didn't realize there wasn't the connection there I thought there had been. Now, we still could have been friends if some other things hadn't happened, but I have plenty of people in my life I have more in common with than him. It would have been more the type who are pen pals, etc.. So, we wouldn't have been close friends.

I think of a close friend as someone who, s noted above, you can understand each other and grasp much better what they're going through. That's the kind of connection that makes true friends.

But, there is a space between mere acquaintances and friends, and I think that's the kind where you share plenty of things in common, but there are differences in just the right places that the connection isn't there.The "professional friends" who share a job,a locker room, or other things where you go through a lot together, yet w3hen you go home, there isn't necessarily the camaraderie to want to spend lots of time together outside.

This is an interesting discussion. I always assumed that a friend was simply someone you did things with in your free time.

I am curious to learn more about this “connection” thing. How does an individual know when they connect to someone else?

I have a feeling I avoid “connecting” to others, simply to avoid the potential trauma that occurs when the “connection” is broken.

I believe most people connect through:

1. Common interests.

2. Common background.

Yes I do believe that a "true connection" equals a genuine friendship, shared of similar beliefs, morals, values, interests ect but I've only had acquaintances really . Tried mixing with Neurotypicals and Aspies and still feel alone, never met likeminded people who accept me for me, like I would them. However I do too believe that, friendships without a connection are more acquaintances, generally people speak of close friends who they connect with, to be like family members you pick out for yourself.

There are many people with whom I share an interest but have no "connection." The same is true regarding people with whom I share a basic belief system and station in life.

Commonalities do not guarantee a connection. They *help* because a common interest gives us something to talk about or do together. But the "connection" is much deeper than this. Common interests can also help one find people with whom they might potentially have this connection.

When I connect with a person, I feel like I can share *myself* and not just share the common interest. It is like the person can draw out the real me.

I *rarely* feel this kind of connection with anyone. I do believe there is something to the personality tests. I am an INTP, which is pretty rare, and a lot of people on WP also have very rare personality types. So, it is hard to find others we gel with, then that small number of people gets narrowed down by common interest, and is it really any wonder we can't find anyone?

But since I have felt this connection a few times in my life, I will say that I just know. I am one who believes in "love at first sight", and this connection falls into that category. It might not be romantic love, it could just be friendship, but there is something that is just THERE. It is like magnets in the soul. You are drawn to someone just because.

I think sometimes, the connection is realized later, but that has not happened for me. In my life, it was there from the beginning or it wasn't. If I don't feel it, I'm not likely to try and pursue and friendship and *make* it happen. I have lots of acquaintances. I have even had a few friends over the years with whom I've spent a good bit of time but still hold back some of the "real me." The *very few* people I've ever had this special connection with are the ones who get a permission to enter into a very private world.

There are acquaintances. There are "friends" that I do stuff with (not many.) Then there are the "best or *real* friends" (those who know the real me, and as of right now I have only one - my husband.)

As a side note, in every case that I *could* find out, that connection was felt on both sides. I wasn't just imagining that I felt a connection that the other person didn't feel.

However, there have also been times where I *couldn't* find out (life circumstances), so I was left wondering if the other person also felt the same way.

Yes, you certainly need some sort of connection. If not, you'll be only acquaintances or even worse, strangers. A good example of a friendship connection would be to share things in common and being one that you'll tend to hang out with, talk to each other, and share interests no matter if common or uncommon. A common thing friends do to remind them that they are more than just acquaintances is exchanging phone numbers and house addresses.

I am surprised I got actual replies to this. I did not expect much, and I thought that there would be just users making fun of me, or things like that.

kraftiekortie, the first time I thanked, I thanked you too. You were not excluded, and your comments also matter. Apologies if you msiunderstood something, I guess. I hope it is clearer now.

After I replied, and wrote the extended comments to myself, I was thinking, and I wondered about this. So, I decided to try and ask about this. It seems like I really have social blindness....

There are many things I think about...

BigSnoopy126, thank you for commenting as well.

I wonder if there could be individuals who truly exist being misunderstood. Not ever having anybody who understands the way they are, nor accepting them. There is a difference between perception and reality; there are others who could perceive things to be in a certain way, but not necessarily being true. While other things can be perceived in a certain way, and being at the same the reality. However, not everybody perceives things as they are. If those perceptions are disorted, their truths will be disorted as well. Their reality is not the same reality as someone else. Taking this into account, there are many things and very few things misunderstood, which makes it up to each individual. The thing is, being able to know what is really happening versus your own perception. Because perceptions can be a deceit, made into an illusion if an individual does not assume the real one, while at the same time it is influenced the way you perceive each thing. To know that, one has to not be influnced by other sources, and be able to think in an objective way, to know what is actually happening....But, following this thought pattern, does not necessarily mean that you can be understood, just knowing what is happening without external sources which could either help you or manipulate you. So, at the end only oneself can know how much is being misunderstood, and is up to said individual to do the correct judgement.

Rocket123, I am glad that you found my question interesting, and that this discussion is going positively. I am curious too, and would like to know that as well.

Hopefully someone has the answer to this. While it is good to be able to ask occasionally, most answers must be found within oneself. So, even if one can get multiple answers, it will lead to multiple questions. It is a neverending cycle for a curious mind. The more hints, the more one wants to know.

kraftiekortie, again. If that is true, I wonder if someone can always have common things with another fellow human. How many common interests one ought to have for that to happen? Just one, ten..?

sorrowfairiewhisper, my sympathies. It is a dreadful feeling of not ever being accepted as well. Indeed, finding someone like that is too complicated, unfortunately....

nerdygirl, from what you write, it seems like it is about balance. Having a little bit of both, but without it exceeding.

So, it is about being able to be yourself without worrying too much....

I am an INTJ. I have read that this one is rare as well... And, 100% of introversion. Being interested in someone in a personal level without reason? How is that?


I have another question: How is this "connection" supposed to actually feel like?

CC_Blossom, I think that the worst is being mistreated. Could this lack of personal "connection" be the reason of why one can feel so detached, so "different" from others?

Thank you everybody for being interested and taking your time to comment, and contribute to this unexpected positive discussion. All contributions of each of you are appreciated, really. So, there is no need to be upset. No user is being excluded. I figure it out, that I might be expected to write much more than thanking. So, I tried to do so, while at the same time trying not to overshare....Which is complicated. Anyway, thanks everybody, really. I hope that if this discussion continues, that it can be kept in this positive manner. Thank you everybody for participating.