How do you make friends?

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I've seen a few people on this forum talk about being lonely well I'm also lonely:

I've never been in a relationship (never kissed anyone etc)
I've never dated anybody either
I've got only a handful of online friends that I don't interact with much (they're mostly busy)
I've got no physical friends what so ever

with the rel ationship (I mentioned this in a another thread)Here I've tried dating sites and sent loads of messages and got nowhere.

with autistic dating sites I'm more restricted and the one I use the most, the majority of people haven't even filled in their profile details
with friendships I don't know how to make friends, I don't know how to approach people, where to go or what.
I've been on a few friendship sites, (smae story with the dating sites: send out loads of messages get hardly any replies) I've ranted about it on two other sites, ranted at work, ranted at support workers. No one can help:(

On one friendship site I have a major obstacle: I tend to get on with women for some reason (for me to bond with a woman we don't have to have much in common it's easy, but with a man there's has to be lot in common, I also don't understand how men can even be friends, I know that sounds weird) and many of the women will only accept female friends (I'm male btw) because they get fed of of all the flirty messages they get from certain men, what's annoying is that I'm not like that, of course I blame the men for this!

On that same site a conversation with someone seems to have revealed the problem: I can't accuratly explain my situation so people can't give me advice I can use, plus being austistic I can't understand what they're saying (I need things explaining)

I thought since this is an autistic forum that maybe people would understand my situation. this lonelyness has got me depressed, and that's causing me to lose interest in all the things that used to interest me:( plus I'm stressed because I can't get on top of everything, I can't re-organise my routines, I'm also trying to lose weight.

I've been friendless (at least physical friendless) for years now and when it comes to online friends I tend to get impatient with them: I can't occupy myself very well while I'm waiting for a reply and I've lost loads of them because of it and no matter how many times I promise myself I'me never going to do it again I do it:( and I think whole situation might be the reason:(

btw in the past I've had: "Sorry you're feeling like that" "I hope things get better" etc I don't want pity or sympathy: things aren't getting better, I want advice: How do you make friends not online in real life?

no one seem to know how to help me:(

sorry I'm ranting but I'm just frustrated with the whole situation

btw there's anything else regarding my situation let me know

I have an answer for this: The Friendship Algorithm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3U

Obviously, the second party has to be willing to cooperate for this to happen correctly.

You meant to write loneliness. There are alternatives for when it fails with real human beings:

-Use your own imagination.

-Interact with virtual characters (as in videogames).

-Buy or build your own robot and interact with it.

-Non-humans.

I suggest these in case, with actual people do not work. I have other ideas about how to approach the whole thing.

I have rescued a cat that was profoundly abused for the first four years of her life. She has developed something called Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome. I diagnosed that by trying to figure out what is wrong with her as she is really damaged. I spend time caring for her through the day and helping her to recover from her abuse in the best way I know how. That's helped me be less lonely.

I have no idea how to friends. I recently extended myself to someone in person in our community and got a strange knock back. I tend to make friends through mutual interests. I don't have a load of friends, but I have a few people I would say I could count on if I really needed help. One of my closest and most trusted friends is moving home overseas and I wish I could do that, too, but I just can't afford to be a disabled single mum with a disabled child in the USA.

I think mutual shared interests is the way to go. What interests do you have when you aren't feeling depressed? Do you have a local group of autistics? Have you considered forming one or trying to create one? What about joining a local walking group through meetup or something like that, or a local disabled people's group? I find other disabled people, irrespective of disability, tend to be more gracious towards us.

Mutual interests, mutual background.

That's how one makes friends.

Also: giving a pleasant impression.

Yeah, but kraftie, sometimes we work on that idea for years and still can't seem to pull it off. What does that even mean? Because I am kind, open, and gracious in discussions with others. I'm still weird to a lot of people, and many find that off-putting out of the gate (I am finding).

If you're pleasant and they still find you weird, they just might not be worth your time.

I'd agree with that.

I do think impatience can be a major obstacle, although I understand why it's sometimes hard to wait. Impatience can give the wrong impression, and I think if you're trying to befriend women in particular it can come across as possessive or controlling of their time even if that's not what you're intending. I haven't read any of your conversations so I don't know what you say, and this is just one possibility.

I often listen to podcasts or watch streams. It's company "in the meantime" when I'm not working or in class, and something along these lines might help you to enjoy human company when the people you're actually talking to are off doing other things or to focus on hobbies again.

'How do you make friends?'

Spend far less time online and more time out in the world.

The more time you spend online (i.e. not physically interacting with other humans), the more difficult it'll be to interact with humans.

Your health will also be affected by sitting in front of a screen for vast chunks of each day - you're very likely to put on weight by not adequately burning calories due to lack of physical activity etc. There's a good chance this will have an impact on your confidence and you'll have even less desire to interact with humans.

1) List your interests
2) Look for groups with similar interests
3) Go along to these groups

Unless you live in a very remote area, there's probably many social possibilities for you i.e. social physical activity group i.e. running club etc, creative writing classes etc


Again, list your interests then find groups in the physical world where you can interact with individuals who share your interests.

PS you mentioned work - ask your workmates what things they like to do, and ask if you could join them one time, should any of these activities not sound like hell. The worst they can say is 'no' - and if they do, just forget about it and move on.


The big question is this - can the effort involved in trying to interact with others be any worse than your present situation? If not, then there's nothing to lose.

I think I might live in a remote area I did a google search for local clubs and got nowhere:( on eof the main problems, is that I don't have that many interests or at least the interests that I do have aren't shared by a lot of people.

I just wish I could improve my search

I have been thinking of maybe going to cafes and pubs or something, to get me out but I'm not sure what I can do when I'm there.

does anyone have any ideas?

I would appreciate any. (and like I say maybe help me improve my searching so I know where to look for places to go)

thanks