When have you felt the most lonely?

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I was just thinking about this for some reason. Thought I'd share it.

The worst day of my life was my father's funeral. It wasn't the fact that he had died, I saw that coming probably before anyone else. Anyway, after the service everybody went to the church basement to eat. I went thru the line got my food, turned and looked for a place to sit. I saw my brother at a table with all his friends. Then I saw my sister with two tables full of friends. Then stupidly I looked for my friends, then that's when it hit me. I realized I had no friends. I was 17yrs old, I should have had tons of friends there to support me when I needed it most. So I ate alone just like I did at school.

Which brings me to something else. I was the only one in a school of over 800 who ate alone. Even the kid that everybody hated had one friend. Every day I always hoped that someone might see me and sit next to me or invite me to sit with them. Never happened. And I tried on my end as well. Nothing. Nobody ever noticed me.

Towards the end of one school year, a girl in my class was returning papers to the class for the teacher and when she came to mine she read the name and said "who's that?"

I just wanna say if you see someone like me eating alone or somebody in your class who is shy and quiet; offer them to eat with you or talk to them. You never know.....

I'd like to quote the great band Supertramp:
"See the man with the lonely eyes, take his hand you'll be suprised."

... and so will hundreds or maybe even thousands of others. I never stopped at school for lunch, I think I might have done so less than five times when a junior starter ( I can remember eating chocolate pudding sat there circa 1963, a brand new school)..... soon realised it was a mine field for me..... totally disorientated. Its the same disorientation that destroyed any attempts at sport or play. Being moved around screwed me up too, by my third school at seven I had stopped talikg or moving at 'break times' .... two buerks for parents. Even now the sound of children in a school playground horrifies me. What was worse then was being trapped, thats why I have worked alone most of my life. The sound of that playground is an intense fear, now i know reading your post why we never had kids in this house, this will now counter the sad thoughts on not having kids that have invaded me lately. Thankyou!!

thank you for opening your heart.

My loneliness has always come from
wearing the NT mask. I ached to
be accepted, yet now I realize this
stemmed from being told I was
un-acceptable as i was........
As I come out the closet post Dx
I am reminded of all the loneliness
that forced me into the closet in
the 1st place.

I wish you well.

Chris

When I am surrounded by others who are socializing and having fun and I get to be the lone spectator.

In terms of having loads of friends, I don't care. It dosen't make me feel lonely at all. I'd rather have one real friend than a million fake ones. And the people I do count as real friends aren't the ones I know from school anyway, they're the ones I know online.

Here in the city. I don't have too many friends down here.

My senior year of high school. I had a chronic illness so I lost a lot of friends due to that, plus a best friend of mine moved that year. And at my graduation people I had been going to school with didn't know my name, one guy even came up and said "did you even go to this school?"

Two weeks ago when I saw a picture on Facebook of four of my old friends on Facebook, and they all looked like they were having such a good time. I felt lonely and left out because I didn't have anyone to hang out with. I felt like I had NO life and even tried to commit suicide. That's the ttime I recently felt lonely. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

Sad but it's something almost everyone with Aspergers has dealt with; being completely alone. I never wanted to be seen eating alone so I stopped going to lunch altogether and lost a lot of weight in the process. I went to the library and used the computer instead and at least that got rid of the exposure. Once your done with school(if you are), you'll see that what happened in High School won't mean anything and you'll be able to start over. Even for people who had a lot of friends in school, after they are done with school, most of them go their separate ways anyways.

Yes when I was in middle school I was always alone eating lunch-when I got to high school I avoided lunch and got to hang out in the AV room and got to watch films that I repaired and projectors I repaired and was happy-I am still alone most of the time but now that I have a friend who is also on the spectrum we do things and have fun-proves to me there is fun out there to be had but its not easy or natural for aspies as it is for NT's

It was very hard for me making friends growing up. Not only that, I was teased a lot due to this. Teasing escalated greatly while in middle school and it got to the point in which it crossed the line into harrassment territory. By the time I got into high school, teasing had diminished to nearly nothing and I was eager to make friends.

I think I experienced the most loneliness during my freshman year of high school, despite the lowered level of bullying. My focus had switched from avoiding bullies to finding companionship. A dear friend of mine named Melissa in my English class that year introduced me to a fellow classmate named Wendy and I sensed that Wendy had a big heart of gold behind her pretty appearance. Melissa and Wendy sat a few seats behind me in class and I felt that there was a chance for me to become friends with Wendy. Everything was going well until our teacher shuffled the seating arrangement and the two girls were sent to the other side of the room.

As a result of the reassignments, I was upset and I began to feel lonely as I felt that I would not have the opportunity to become friends with Wendy. I did not know what to do. This was the first time in which I was very serious about making new friends. Melissa tried to help me with it for the rest of the year. However, at the start of tenth grade, I had no classes with Melissa and Wendy, but I was not abandoning my goal. I forced myself to find Wendy and talk to her when I was not in class. I did and now she is one of my best friends today.

With help from my speech therapist at school, I made hundreds of new friends during my junior and senior years, making me one of the more popular kids at school. I was so sad when I graduated as I knew that I was not going to be around them anymore. Thanks to Facebook, I keep in touch with them and I am anything but lonely these days. Hopefully, I have been of assistance to some of the readers here.

When I am by myself in a social setting and I have no clear goals.

I don't mind being alone in public if I need to get something done like shopping or eating. The tasks preoccupy my mind and I wont feel lonely. But if my only goal is to "have fun" like attending a concert, I feel woefully inadequate without someone to share my interests with.

I tried to attend a concert at my local fair the other day. I arrived at the fair and went home when I saw the massive concert line; I could not handle standing in line all by myself. I did not have any one to go with since no one in my small group of friends like country music.

When I arrived home, I drank a beer and promptly fell sleep.

During the 7th grade and right now in college. During 7th grade, I was homeschooled and I couldn't meet new people let alone make new friends. It was such a hard time for me. Right now in college, these feelings are coming back and I don't trust those around me to understand me.

When I was a kid and had no friends and people disliked me
When some of the friends I had never really liked me and some used me or bullied me
When I hear everyone talking about their relations with others when I don't have any relations with people
When I hear others talking about relatives or aunts and uncles and cousins and how they have relations with them when I have zero relation with mine who are alive
Being stuck in the past and having a hard time getting over loss and changes
When I see someone in the same age as my dead little brother if he was alive
When I hear people having grandparents when I only met one of them but I was young and barely remember my grandparent
When I find people having a relationship with at least one parent while I'm too shy to even speak to mine
When I stay awake at night by myself because of my health problems
When I clearly want help or support but people ignore me in a mean way
When I'm depressed or having a problem and have no place to turn to

Right now actually and I have to say I've never felt better. I've spent 30 years trying to work on making friends, keeping relationships, proactively trying to learn new ways to communicate with people. But no matter what I've done and every approach I've tried I still end up with the same result, nobody calls, nobody invites me to things and if I ever want to spend time with anyone I have to initiate everything. So for 30 years my emotional state was dominated by quick blips of anticipation and excitement and then prolonged disappointment, sadness and anger. Finally this past birthday I decided that it was time to stop investing in something that has consistently given me the same horrible returns. So now I spend nearly 100% of my time doing just my personal interests. I'm still very nice and jovial to people in my interactions but I never attempt to create relationships of any kind. I'm in great shape now, have far more mental focus, and am really moving ahead in my personal development that was often hindered by depression previously. At the end of the day it's just easier and more productive for me to be lonely full-time but happy with myself.