Need some help making friendship stick

Post Reply New Topic

I have tried several times to learn what NT's like and learn to like them to, however the friendships never stick.
Lets take kayaking for instance. A person I new bought a kayak and said " to bad you don't have one we could go out sometime" The next week I bought one after finding out everything I could about them. And I mean everything. How they were made, what was used, the technique each company used and why or why not they used it or another, pros and cons of each model versus another, types and kinds of paddles, material used, proper strokes to use when and where. ect. ect. When we finally got on the water I was shocked he didn't know anything about kayaking and really didn't seem to want to know, this confused me greatly. We never went out again, not that I didn't try all summer, he all ways had something else to do. Later I found out he was going kayaking just not with me.
I have tried other hobbies others were interested in but they all ways end up he same way, me without a friend to hang with.
Is anyone able to tell me what I am doing wrong here?

In this particular case I would say that you probably went into far too much detail for him. It sounds as though he simply wanted to learn to kayak as a pleasant pastime and wasn't interested in how kayaks are made, the techniques each company used, the pros and cons of each model etc. Our AS does often lead us to be interested in the smallest details of a subject while many NTs just want to take a more 'surfacey' approach.
Maybe too he could have felt that you were trying to 'take over' the whole thing both by having so much more knowledge than he did and both by the fact that I also get the impression that you may have tried to tell him how to kayak when you did go onto the water. Maybe next time if an NT asks you to share an interest, you could stand back a bit and not go too intensely into it or, if you do go intensely into it, maybe keep back some of your knowledge so that the other person doesn't feel too overwhelmed.

You hit the problem on the head. I am unable to take hobbies lightly, it is part of my "thing" to have to know everything about what I am going to be doing. I have tried the just do it approach and my brain and body just shuts down with anxiety. When not if the person I am with ask a question about something I have to know the answer to it, its not an option to say "I don't know." Its not all bad though because of the way I am a master mechanic (a then friend needed help changing his brakes), a journeyman plumber ( my mother needed help with a leaky faucet), an master instructor in white water, and sea kayaking (then friend wanted to go kayaking), I also have a degree in computer science (then friend wanted to build his own pc), mathematics, and telecommunications (I had to buy a phone). However I wouldn't say I have one friend that I would talk to or do anything with. I really need a ASD friend IRL.

asdfor3 you're great, I don't have patience to learn new things (except english to try to comunicate with the people in this website, sorry I known I am not very good for the moment) but you seem to know everything that's great.
I will like to anwer your question about what are you doing wrong but first I need you to explain me what a NT is (I am new here and I am not good with abbreviations, sorry) I need to be sure to understand correctly all you explain.

an NT is short for Neurological Typical or someone not on the autistic spectrum.