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Is it harder for you to make friends due to never having the same interests?
Yes, it is very hard for me. I can almost never find an NT who likes the same things as me, making it more difficult for me to make friends and build relationships 58%  58%  [ 14 ]
No, I can still manage to make friends quite well, even if my tastes in tv, movie, videogame, music, books, etc. are different. 21%  21%  [ 5 ]
No, I am into popular things that N.T's like, and can find many topics of discussion related to our shared interests 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Other/Explain 21%  21%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 24

Outrider
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17 Feb 2015, 6:11 am

I have various hobbies and interests that I like to do in my spare time.

The problem is, I can almost never relate to anything with anyone, no matter what my interests are.

For example, I like to play videogames, but the videogames I play are either old, non-mainstream, unpopular, etc.

This goes for almost all my interests.

I like to write stories & read, but a lot of teenagers do not, and even the ones who do definitely don't read the same kind of books or write the same stuff..

I like to listen to a lot of music and also make music too, but yet again the music I do listen to and the music I do make, it is hard to find like-minded people.

It seems I can't find anything to relate to anyone with. At all.

Even me and my best friend (who is also an aspie) are very, very different. We share only a couple of interests, but still manage to continue being friends.

My two previous friends, it was the same thing.

My questions are:

1. Does anyone else have this problem?
2. Does anyone have any advice/tips for me (or anyone else) on what we could possibly do about it? :?:



downbutnotout
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17 Feb 2015, 6:37 am

I don't have any advice beyond trying to take an interest in the subject in general, such as why books are fun or exchanging opinions on favorites. There might be common ground in the form of why you like characters or how much you read, and you might discover new books that you like.

I have unusual interests, but I feel it's simply an additional barrier and not the sole cause of my isolation.



nerdygirl
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17 Feb 2015, 6:46 am

I do find it difficult to be friends with people who do not share an interest.

However, they could be on the spectrum or not. The voting above said it was hard to find NTs that share the interest... My issue is not with NTs in particular.

Even when I meet people who share the same interest as me (music), I don't necessarily find people who are as PASSIONATE and INTENSE about it.

I have done much better socially as an adult because I have learned not to talk on and on about stuff. In everyday situations, I do OK. But that doesn't get me *friends.* I still have a hard time finding/making/keeping those.



kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2015, 9:39 am

You're a smart kid.

It's not "quantity" of friends which matters...it's "quality."

I'm sure there are at least a few kids in your school who don't share all the "mainstream" interest.

Pursue your own path; don't force yourself to choose another path just to be "popular."

As you get older, I believe you'll make friends easier, because people will "grow" into similar interests as yours.



Sherry221B
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17 Feb 2015, 11:16 am

Yes, I have the same "problem". I do not know what kind of advice to give. So, sorry, about that.



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24 Feb 2015, 4:27 am

You probably wont find any people nearby into those games or writing, because most NTs are into current fads.
However you will find likeminded people in online communities.
They might live on the other side of the world but it doesn't matter so much with the net.
I like old games too as it happens, Zeliard, Sierra games like Spacequest, Beyond a Steel Sky, Happylanders and I´m wanting to play Chrono Trigger since getting hooked on the Corridors Time song, which I have had for perhaps 10 years but didn´t realise it was part of such a cool game!.

Just mention some games you like to play and I'm sure we can find some groups/sites where people like to talk about these things. Of course you have to think about all the Internet Saftey rules.



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24 Feb 2015, 7:06 pm

I have this problem to the extreme. I only like to watch one franchise of TV shows that isn't from my country, and I can go months only listening to 1 or 2 bands regularly. Sometimes I consider watching more shows and listening to a wider variety of music just to be able to have conversations without awkwardly answering "no, I haven't seen that" all the time, but I'm just not interested, and I don't want to spend hours doing things I'm not interested in.

Sometimes I even become so obsessed with one music artist that it makes me miserable not having anybody to talk about the subject with, but the last few artists I've liked this way have been from countries like Latvia and Lithuania and I couldn't find anybody online who wanted to talk about them as much as I did and in the same language. I have a group of online friends who like European languages and music, but even they aren't interested in the same kind of music as I am, and ignore me when I talk about my specific interests.



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25 Feb 2015, 9:06 am

I can still make friends quite well, but I have to add something to that.
I go to a school for autistic children, so autism is the most common thing ever at our school. And because of that it's easier for me to make friends.



Logston
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25 Feb 2015, 11:27 am

Yeah, I'm more likely to find a middle aged man that shares some of my interests than I am to find another girl my age. I have a group of friends online that are very into politics and that group dynamic suits me, but I very much doubt I'd ever be able to replicate it IRL. I have other interests that are very normal as well, but the thing with that is even when I find somebody else equally interested in it IRL, it's the only thing I want to talk about with them. I find it rather difficult to change that kind of acquaintanceship or friend who ____ into a full-bodied friendship. I've had what I thought were blossoming friendships based upon a single interest or two, but then they usually got fed up with talking about it w/ me or it became painfully obvious that we had nothing else in common.

I guess I don't have any advice considering I've not made a real new friend since I was 13, but you're definitely not alone with this issue. Kind of a sucky situation, but over the years I've come to be OK with it.



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Tufted Titmouse
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26 Feb 2015, 8:59 am

We need an area where we can list our specific interest and anyone with the same interest can contact that person and chat all night. Some people ask, but there doesn't seem to be a simple database.



Sherry221B
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26 Feb 2015, 9:11 am

Quote:
We need an area where we can list our specific interest and anyone with the same interest can contact that person and chat all night. Some people ask, but there doesn't seem to be a simple database.


I like this idea.



SilverStar
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28 Feb 2015, 8:14 pm

I have noticed that many people (NT's included) have unique/odd/eccentric interests. Basically, what I'm saying is that everyone is different, and there are very few, if any people that share the same exact interests, on everything.

A couple of suggestions:

Instead of focusing on a particilar interest/hobby in detail, go with a more generalized approach. For example, you have a specific band that you love...try emphasizing that you both love music, instead of saying "hey, they don't like my band, we're not compatible.

Focus on the things you do have in common, instead of what you don't. For example, you both go to the same school...talk about the things that you are both familiar with.

If you have a unique hobby, try joining an online forum. Not only will you have a lot of things to talk about, but it can be a way to make friends, outside the computer screen.



taiwanluthiers
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01 Mar 2015, 1:07 am

I think I have weird hobbies.

I like to do stuff with my hand, I feel weird if I don't build/make something.

I do play video games but I'm not all too passionate about it. Most of the modern ones are crap and I play for the story, nothing more.

Over the years I have built guitars, repaired them, etc. and now I build rockets because I came to America and the opportunity became open (it was impossible to build rockets in Taiwan).



sly279
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01 Mar 2015, 2:44 am

hard to find anyone. people in my hobbies/interests don't gather, don't self identify etc.



Anna_K
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01 Mar 2015, 8:22 pm

I usually make friends based on personality types/what type of person they are, rather than shared hobbies or interests. It is a little unusual that I manage to make friends who like completely different things, but my quiet nature, and compassionate/caring ways attract all kinds of people. Mostly the outgoing ones, because I am way too shy to make a first move when it comes to building connections with people.

My interests are of a wide range, ranging from things that NT teenage girls would like to things that some would find unusual. Most of the NT teenage girls who share my interests don't have an appealing personality type in my opinion and I can't seem to "fit in" with them. They are the "popular" type and I can't develop close friendships with any of them.

My closest friend is almost my polar opposite, she has totally different taste in music/movies/video games than I do, but we have the same sense of humour.


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