Does Sarcasm Usually Shut off Conversations?

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LonelyJar
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17 Mar 2015, 12:45 am

Several days ago, I went to help reorganize files at my dad's office, and on my way there, I had a chat with my mom about how my online math tutoring job would work. When she asked how many students I'd be teaching, I explained that I could be teaching up to five at once. I quipped how there wasn't some set rule that all online tutoring websites let tutors only have one-on-one sessions, and my mom was pissed. She told me that it was totally inappropriate of me to snark in her face. What exactly did I do wrong?



kraftiekortie
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17 Mar 2015, 8:28 am

I think she over-reacted.



Fnord
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17 Mar 2015, 8:34 am

[opinion=mine]

@OP: You expressed a personal opinion to someone who didn't want to hear it. Rather than explain her disinterest (and look like a Bad Mother), she turned your statement against you and stopped you from saying anything more - a common NT social tactic.

[/opinion]



LonelyJar
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17 Mar 2015, 3:51 pm

Fnord wrote:
@OP: You expressed a personal opinion to someone who didn't want to hear it. Rather than explain her disinterest (and look like a Bad Mother), she turned your statement against you and stopped you from saying anything more - a common NT social tactic.


1) I don't think that's something only NTs do. Someone on the spectrum who isn't used to different opinions or socialization in general might act just as crass, especially if something put them in a bad mood beforehand.

2) Forget the whole "NT vs. AS" conflict for a second and tell me honestly... was I inadvertently talking down to my mother? I think that being condescending is one of my numerous bad habits.



f9
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17 Mar 2015, 4:00 pm

My very personal opinion based on your short description:

She asked how many students - trying to get measure of how important you would be or how much would you earn (probably thinking, the more students the better).

You explained it could be anything.

She understood it as dismissing her way of measuring your possible success (or even dismissing her value system!!) and therefore understood you're telling her off.
Like 'It doesn't matter how many!' or 'asking how many students is stupid!' - something like that.

Well, maybe there was something in the way you answered her that trigged the understanding that you're telling her off….?

You have titled it as sarcasm so if you were sarcastic she probably felt offended as if you had told her things that matter to her don't matter to you??



Fnord
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17 Mar 2015, 5:55 pm

LonelyJar wrote:
Fnord wrote:
@OP: You expressed a personal opinion to someone who didn't want to hear it. Rather than explain her disinterest (and look like a Bad Mother), she turned your statement against you and stopped you from saying anything more - a common NT social tactic.
1) I don't think that's something only NTs do. Someone on the spectrum who isn't used to different opinions or socialization in general might act just as crass, especially if something put them in a bad mood beforehand.

2) Forget the whole "NT vs. AS" conflict for a second and tell me honestly... was I inadvertently talking down to my mother? I think that being condescending is one of my numerous bad habits.
I have given you an answer to your question. Accept it or not; I don't care.



kraftiekortie
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17 Mar 2015, 6:27 pm

I don't see anything condescending in this--unless there's a history of you being condescending in similar situations.

You just said that not all tutoring websites allow just one-on-one tutoring. There could be a variety in these websites that allow you to tutor more than one student. I don't see the problem in this, on the face of it. Other things could have been going on.

I don't see an "NT" thing at all. I see that, perhaps, your mother over-reacted because of possible past history.

Overall, I think she over-reacted.