Making friends is so challenging

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I am 24 years old aspie male studying Masters degree at a large city and large university. Making friends in new environment is so challenging because it a thing starting all over again. Like a reset button, where people don't know me.

Over the years including my UG course I have been taught how to manage my self control, friendship tactics and behaviour mainstreams. This made me more confident to be against the challenges. However, this made me to look harder at the person's attitudes. I can see more poor atittude people than nice and friendly ones. Maybe it because I am an Aspie as the way I see NTs react offensively or wired differently.

I struggled to be in touch with new friends I made. I have quite a few groups of them. But most times I have not set priority by someone. It not fair that I get intended to be lonely or being left out of social gatherings and unplanned hang outs. I find that out over Facebook where people do things and I get upset by seeing them hanging and stuff. It usually the times I thought the person is busy with doing their assignments or their personal lives. At same time when I want to plan do things and invite people to come and join me, no one did! So what is wrong here?

I have learned about the 'checking out' method by applying asking myself to join with other people, telling them to let me know what their plans and that. This kind of method is rather conductive because people tend to forget about me so easily. I wonder why aspie thing makes people to forget about me? Is it people don't want unique person to be involved?

On a bright side, living in a city gave me a huge advantage on improving my social life. I go out on average of three times a week to a planned gatherings, meetings and hang outs by other people or interest groups. I do enjoy my time being myself as much doing that. It is better than when I did during UG where it was a countryside university, thus things solely focus on alcohol only gatherings. In a city is about everything.

Wondering is anyone in similar situation as me?

You're telling me. Making a little extra spending money off writing is easier than making friends.

As for the people on Facebook, it's my impression that a lot of people go out spontaneously. Meaning they don't plan who to go with or where to go, but they hear of someone else's plans and tag along or suddenly decide they're tired of what they're doing and would like to go have a few drinks.

That sounds like me all the time...

I would like a few more friends, but it's very rare that anyone I connect with gets back to me...!

I have the one friend, who is very dear to me, but I still want at least two more.

Totally agreed here.

To be honest, it not really our problems. It usually for everyone experience a same this. NTs take more time like us to get to understand Aspies, as much for being Aspies take more time to understand NTs too!

If you come across to people who are slack at staying in contact and hesitiate with you, they wouldn't be a friend. On the NTs' perspective, it is a same as well. I seen quite a few lonely NTs around the uni campus here. I can't see us a problem.

But I may observed that some NTs can be stuck up, due to influence of mainstream society impacts such as gossip, alcohol and so on.

It's very hard for us to "connect" with others, because we aren't big on the "normal" stuff.
This means we are just that different that is borders on "disadvantaged".
The real problem we suffer from is the lack of understand and acceptance which forces us to "conform" to the "norms" to be fit in.
Despite how well intended it maybe, it ends up doing us more harm both short and long term than it is worth.

Our "type" needs to be taught some stuff that people naturally have, but more so we need to be encouraged to embrace ourselves and what makes us different like everyone else is told from the get go.

The Japanese have a saying that goes like this... The nail that sticks out gets hammered down!
Meaning those who stick out get hammered into place by society and the system to fit in.

This is what people with AS and similar stuff go through.

Instead I believe we should be encouraged to embrace ourselves for who we are and focus on our strengths instead of being forced to be something we aren't.

I'm just sick of the horrible double standard that makes us miserable even to the point of giving up for some.

Anyone else would have been told to ignore those who don't accept them and embrace who they are...!

/rant!

Obviously I still get hammered on for being unique and quirky, especially from my family.
I'm so tired of it and being asked "Why don't you want to fit in and be like everyone else?" and being told "you'd be happier if you were normal!"

I waste too much time and energy over the previous soon to be 30 years (I turn 30 in about two months), instead of accepting myself.

I think trying to be "normal" which I did on a regular basis is also making it impossible to be hired.
I finally ready to finally shove conventional way of doing everything to the curb, because it doesn't work for ME!
...

On Topic: hopefully i'll hear back tomorrow or soon on the person I tried to reconnect with, who I had a strong connection but due to timing of serious life issues made it impossible for us to be friends a few years ago.

How it go then?

NTs told me from their experiences of making friends is difficult too! Majority of my friends who came to my university for the first time like my current situation they didn't have any specific friends nor hang out with people. To be honest, its been 3 months and I already have friends and people to hang with, mostly with interest groups and that. I did get along with them.

But on different side of this making friends is the acceptance outside of groups and time outside of uni. I believe people are not comfortable with it yet, since the fact I was told by NTs they spent seven or more months to get a chance of hanging out with people outside of uni and groups. So, I think this is 'normal' to occur.

Nothing yet... He might have his linkedIn set to weekly updates.

Some people have trouble making friends like one of my sisters and me (I'm the only one with AS)
Other people make friends without trying, like my one cousin and uncle... Everyone wants to be their friends when they meet them and they have tons of friends
Other people can make friends, but they are in middle of the two group...

You may just have the unfortunate luck of naturally having trouble making friends and being an Aspie.
The Aspie side might amplify it.

Well what about people approach you? I don't have this problem. NTs you meet without disclosing the ASD they wouldn't even know the mental health of it. Many NTs and other able bodied people don't know I have ASD. They kept on treating me as same way as to other people. They may be one of nice and friendly people due to their attitudes or personalities. But still, I have told them later that I am an Aspie. The later to tell is the better. They only notice my hearing loss as first thing because of my hearing aids as a visual attention.

It's been a years since someone approached me about friendship.
To be fair, I was suffering from a massive meltdown and recovery since late 2010 until early 2014 due to all the medication went through.

Most people who socialize with me for any length of time, feel put off by my behavior because it's not typical social behavior.
So if they are trying to be something more than just casual stuff, then we have the "talk".

The friend I have knew I was different and heading for a bad spot, then I received the all the diagnoses that fall, after we knew each other for 9+ months.
It doesn't bother him per say, though he's concerned about what could happen.

He does like the directness and many of the other quirks I have, compare to how people regularly act.
He finds it refreshing to have someone who's honest with him instead of the normal politeness.

My mate of 12 years does a same thing to me. He helped me to direct and the quirks I have because I have hearing loss too. I helped him too with some personal stuff. At the moment we have nothing out of context.

I never ever find anyone treats me in same way during three unis and my trip to US. I find so many NT so rude and offensive. Everytime when I am positive, proactive and friendly, I see NTs so confused of why I am doing this.

It's good to have a true friend.

Though mine is taking a bit longer than in anticipated in personal growth...

Which reminds me, he never called me on Easter weekend, though to his defense his iPhone 5 has been going wonky with iOS 8 update (though he may just have bad unit) and he is having a lot of trouble sending and receiving calls and texts.