A situation years ago where I probably did something wrong

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Ok, I worked at a theater for about 8 years. I worked with many different sets of people. There was one group that wasn't quite impolite to me, but often made plans with each other and included almost everyone but me. It wouldn't have been that big a deal, except they did it a lot, and it seemed like they did it deliberately in front of me to "brag" that they were invited, and I wasn't. One day, they were talking about going to a party, and I asked if I could come. They looked really surprised and answered, "Maybe, we'll have to see if too many people aren't coming" or something to that effect and that they would "get back to me."

Well, I never heard from them, so I surprised them and showed up anyway. (to be fair, they didn't actually say, I couldn't come). I got surprised looks from a lot of people, but they welcomed me to stay and included me in the conversation. I could tell my presence made some people uncomfortable, but no one asked me to leave, although one person dropped hints that I should leave (asking when I had to work at my other job, they would hate for me to be out too late). After this event, they never discussed plans in front of me again.

Questions:

1. Did I socially do the wrong thing?
2. Is it rude for them to talk about plans in front of people who aren't invited?
3. Is it ever ok to "party crash?"

You shouldn't crash parties. It wasn't the right thing to do socially. It's sort of rude for them to rub stuff in your face

Please stop regretting the past. Think of the future.

I know it was wrong, but it was sure funny. A lot of the people seemed glad I was there, but I saw a lot of surprised looks. It was one time I enjoyed making people uncomfortable. In the future, I won't do it, however, and will limit to participating in events where people want me to come. The host should have felt bad for excluding me.

I don't know if that's a rhetorical question but for awhile I got a lot of satisfaction from it. IDK if they rubbed it in my face or not. What happened was someone started working there and then all their friends got hired, and the only ones not in the group other than me was this guy that doesn't work that much and a girl who also wasn't in their group. Fortunately, this group was eventually replaced with one who included me more (or should I say excluded me less).

It sounds like you played a good hand of poker!

The fact that they were doing this a lot and seemingly to brag. The fact that you asked if you could go, a little bit to give them a warning and a heads up, even though they didn't get back to you.

And the fact that people seemed glad that you were there, even though you also got surprised looks. Maybe the less immature people, even the ones part of the in-group, didn't like the fact that it was so public and so in-your-face. And they liked the fact that you showed them, and showed the more immature members!

The key is, this solved the workplace problem. They stopped impolitely discussing plans in front of you.

It might be a little bit like 'floating the flop' in Texas Hold'em poker. It's a play which often works, but not always.

(PS I do recommend poker for social skills. I do not recommend it as an attempt to make money, because of the rake and especially because of high natural variance.)

They were being rude to keep talking about it in front of you (probably too clueless to realize it though). So good on you for showing up like that. Hope it taught them something.

It taught them a lesson. If they had said no, I wouldn't have come, however.

It sounds like you showed them that you were not a doormat while giving them a chance to get to know you and vise versa. After the party did you ever attend any other things?

This was payback and you taught them a lesson. I don't care how wrong of you it was to crash parties or anything like that.

They obviously learned not to brag about their parties to make you jealous on purpose.

What a bunch of rude snobs...

I'm not sure how young you were back then but if you were in your 20's or teen years I'd say it was a fine thing to do.

You can't let stuff from the past weigh you down. Standing up for yourself and ignoring people's opinions can be hard but sometimes it has to be done. I learned about this also when I realized I was trying to conform to the "norms" but in reality caring so much was the problem and turning me into a tool whether it was taking money, freeloading or how people perceive and treat me.

Also did they pull you to the side after the event and tell you that it was not appropriate to invite yourself? If not then it is not a big deal.

What it sounds like is that you felt left out and wanted to be involved and I think you showing up gave them the hint. If anyone should have been beating themselves up it's them.

They didn't pull me aside and tell me that. These people, to be fair to them, were nice and friendly to me at work; just didn't include me in anything they did outside of work. I know I have no right to demand that; it's just it was so frustrating to always hear about what they were doing. I'm not sure that they were intentionally rubbing it in my face, but it sure seemed like. Essentially, the majority of the employees there were in their group, and it was difficult not being in it. In any event, I had a good time at the event and actually had more fun than some events to which I had actually had been invited. I would rather not be invited than be invited and the other participants not include me in the conversation.

I didn't hang out with this group, but shortly after the event (a few months or so) a lot of people quit and a new group formed that was more inclusive. I wasn't actually part of it either, but I got to attend functions, some of which I was invited to others I had to ask.

Summer twilight, when you said it would make the host feel bad, did you feel bad for not inviting me or they wanted me to leave and felt too bad to tell me to do so?