Difficulty using the telephone - anyone else? any tips?

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Does anyone else find using the telephone really difficult?

When it rings I jump and it almost feels physically painful at times. Other times I find it simply infuriating to hear a phone ring and not be answered promptly (although I rarely answer it myself).

I have a lot of anxiety around the phone. I will sometimes answer a call but I almost never phone anybody apart from my parents. I get anxious, I don't know what to say, I get lost, I end up talking over the other person or not being understood properly. In the worst case scenario I lose my temper and put the phone down or agree to something I didn't want to.

I'm currently doing some work from home which was all internet based but now they are putting pressure on me to do phone calls to clients as well and I simply don't think I can do it.

Does anyone have any tips with coping?

I hate making phone calls. I don't know why. I just don't get the phone. My auditory processing is extra weak. It takes more effort for me to have a conversation based entirely on auditory signals. Unlike a lot of Autistic folks, I'm pretty good at making use of visual signals in conversations. I need them to feel safe.

Making a script helps for me. I write down a way to start the conversation and I write down a few points I want to make. I try to use email as much as possible.

Would it be possible for you to facetime some of these clients and would that feel better to you?

Good luck!

yep and phone ringing scares me at first.

I refuse to answer my home phone because a ringing phone panics me, but I was able to get and hold jobs that required phones: telemarketing, customer service and business sales. I did this by practicing constantly and eventually it hardly bothered me, at least at work. At home it still terrifies me and I've nicely asked everyone to email me instead.

Also if you get a special office type of phone (more expensive) that has a slider for ring volume and a red light which flashes when a call is coming in, then you don't need to listen to the ear splitting ringing. That helps a lot right there.

I hate using the phone. I never answer it when it rings, because I don't like being put on the spot without being able to prepare - I may not want to talk to the person, or haven't had time to gather what I wanted to say and think it through. I'm better with phoning other people, and will phone voicemail back eventually, but I would still much rather call in and speak to the person directly, or email.
Writing down what you want to say and referring to it while on the phone helps avoid tripping over your own tongue, as does having any paperwork, reference numbers etc ready.

I also have never been comfortable talking on a phone. My tip to you would be to rehearse what it is you are going to say over and over again until you feel comfortable enough to go through with it. I find this helps in that a rough structure is established and it is enough to help you out if the conversation differs from what was originally planned.

I've become better with this over time, but I still hate it when my phone rings.

When I was a child, teenager and into my early 20s, the phone terrified me. I hated to hear it ring, hated it if someone answered and it was for me, and I really hated having to make a call to anyone but a friend whenever I had a close enough friend to call. Friends was okay, but when I was getting older and had to make other kinds of calls, I was filled with anxiety.

I think I just forced myself to do it, but I do remember pacing back and forth getting up the nerve. It felt like a mountain to climb, but I forced myself, particularly because for me that was the time before the internet, and you couldn't find things out online, you literally had to use the phone to call a shop about an item you're looking, to ask a gallery details about an exhibition, to phone after an ad for a job position -- everything. I was forced to have to make calls to complete strangers. I hated it but I just kind of did it anyway. You know that saying "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

It helped to plan out beforehand exactly what I wanted to say, and to rehearse it a few times like learning a script. Try to anticipate what the other person might say in response, with several different options, so that you can rehearse your own responses to those things too. Keep an overall goal in mind for what you want to accomplish with the call you're about to make. This helps when you yourself are making a call.

Receiving a call is a bit different, and I still hate that.

It helped when I got my first job in a store where one of the duties as a sales assistant was that we were all also expected to answer a shop-floor phone that would ring with customer enquiries (again, the era of people having to phone places to find out anything they needed to know). At first I hung back, but eventually had to pull my weight in answering that phone if I was available.

Now, years later, I'm much less anxious about making calls and I can do it with no fear at all -- but I still hate receiving a call unexpectedly. Really, really hate it. I'm okay if I'm expecting a call from a friend by a pre-arrangement, and now that caller ID comes up on every phone that's a bit better too, but I still feel full of fear if the phone rings when I'm not expecting anyone to be calling me.

I am exactly the same way. I was always jumpy around phones and my heart beats really fast every time the phone rings at work. I have extreme difficulty processing information over the phone, especially when it is strangers. I feel like I'm trying to understand the teachers in the peanuts cartoons. I do work with the public, and answering the phones is part of my job, but I have worked extremely hard to adapt. I ask people to write things down, to repeat, to talk more slowly. I've learned to keep a smile in my face, to cup my ear and lean in to show I cannot hear. They don't know my hearing is actually better than normal, and they don't need to know this. I have auditory processing problems like many on the spectrum. I do find it frustrating, and I do wish people came with closed captions. I watch everything with captions and like tv shows much more than when I was a kid and didn't know how to cope with my differences.

Are you able to get assist ice technology that the hearing impaired use? This my help you.

Another thing may be to allow your phone to only vibrate or buzz. Have a flashing light let you know when you are receiving a call. I never keep my ringer on. I have no land line, and I don't answer the phone often. People know I prefer text, and I've told them I don't like taking call because it is hArd for me to understand. I sometimes use the excuse of poor cell reception.

I hope my experiences and coping skills are somewhat helpful. Good luck to you!

I dont really like it either; holding a conversation with only 1 other person and knowing when to speak/be silent is hard enough when i can actually see the person; a phone only makes things harder.

Getting called is even worse, as i have no idea what the conversation is going to be about and i am not prepared to speak, so i didn't have the time to prepare a scenario to follow (which i can if i'm the one calling).

I usually have my phone on silent, which prevents the jumpscare of it suddenly going off, and i will often let an incoming call go to voicemail, see who called me, listen to the voicemail (if any), to find out what they wanted, then return the call.
That way, i will know the target and topic of the conversation, which makes things easier.

also, the people that contact me often know i prefer to text, so they only call me if whatever they are on about is time-critical; if one of those call me (work/parents/close friends), i know from caller ID, and answer, but they will give me a few seconds after mentioning the topic so i can mentally prepare.
any number that isn't from the above list (including unknown and hidden numbers) will go to voicemail without fail.

Having a speech impediment and hearing difficulties on top of ASD makes telephone conversations quite challenging. I use the National Relay Service through the internet if I really need to make a phone call myself. Otherwise, I will ask people to make phone calls on my behalf. If the phone rings at home, I ignore it and let it go to message bank or let someone else pick it up. People who know me will contact me via text messaging or email anyway.

I've never liked talking on the telephone, much prefer to text message instead.

I hate to answer the phone. I either beg my 17 year old son to answer or I let the answering machine do it. I screen the call and if it's something that is important I will answer. I tell people I do it because of telemarketing.

I used to have to deal with phone calls when I worked in other jobs. Calls were usually either pre-screened by the front desk so I only received client phone calls. Those were not horrible since it usually involved needing a progress report or an answer to a specific question. I could pull up their file and usually find them the answer while they were talking about the weather. Internal calls were usually co workers that needed a specific answer to a specific question, again usually just needing me to pull up the information and tell them what the status of something was. Those kinds of calls were not horrible. I also usually had the ability to shut off my phone if I was working on something that needed to be not interrupted.

I can do radio interviews over the phone without freaking out, I always have a script or outline of expected questions or answers to what they might ask. Having some unknown random person ring my phone sets me off. Even with a low ringer or vibrate it usually makes me jump in shock. It is also usually an interruption to something that does not welcome interruptions. I only have cell phones, no voice mail. I found that voice mail invited unsolicited phone calls to create a situation where I was required to call them back or they would consider the voice mail to get them off the hook, obligate me to something etc.

So if I don't answer a call and I don't recognize the number I Google the number to see who it is. I either call them back when I am ready or block the number permanently if they have no business calling me. I recently changed my cell phone number. I previously only gave it out to places we had done personal business with but all of them were abusing the number for cold sales calls, giving it to other companies etc. So now the only people who have my cell phone number are immediate family and an engineer I work with who sometimes needs to call me in an emergency. If I get a call I don't recognize I look it up and block them. So far this has worked by keeping tight control over who I trust with the number.

I frequently tell people or businesses I don't have a phone number, so far nobody has made a stink about that or called me on it. Many places will contact you via email if you make that their only option. If I need to contact a company about something I look for either an online customer service chat or an email contact. I can handle about 80% of all tasks I need to do without using the phone. If I have to call somewhere I make a script or a list of what things I need to say or ask.