Should I End Things?

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I've had the same best friend since 8th grade. I met her through another friend who I haven't seen in years and no longer communicate with. We had a small group in junior high, but that disappeared as she and I went to different high schools. We tried to keep in contact, but often failed and we grew apart.

Fast forward to 2014, when I sent her a random quote from a show we both used to watch all the time and that was my old special interest. She replied and we made plans to hang out the next day. We had a great time and that lead to us hanging out more and me meeting her new friends she made at her school. At first, I liked them, but I'm not so sure about them now. They have gotten into a lot of things I am not into and it isn't something I ever want to be associated with. They are loud and often inappropriate in public and despite me telling them to stop, they still use the "R" word as an insult. I hate when they do that so much. They don't seem to care even after I tell them to not use it because it is offensive. I don't hang out with them very often now but I still feel like I am obligated to be friends with them (if that makes any sense) because I don't have a lot of other friends and I think they do like me, despite our differences. I don't think they are bad people, but I disagree with a lot of their current choices and I don't ever want to feel pressured to do things that I will definitely regret in the future.

Long story short, I don't know what I should do. I feel like we have gone in completely different directions and that this isn't working anymore. My friend only sporadically answers my text messages and I'm starting to get the feeling that she has lost interest in me. Should I just let things end or should I try to hold on to things with hope that they will change? I think I have made up my mind, but would love other opinions.

First and foremost, I would contact her and invite her to meet you somewhere just in case both of you need to clear the air on where your friendship is. There I would ask her if you did anything to offend her or whether she is offended with you for calling her new friends out for using the "R word. You could also mention, "Is there still room for me in your life or are you no longer interested?"

If that doesn't work text her and ask her "Can you call me as soon as you get this?" If she calls you back, talking about the same as being mentioned above. Now she may give you excuses like "Oh I am sorry but I am have been so busy with xyz. I love you and meant to get back with you." That might be the time to tell her, "Listen, I still love you and I think we have had some good times together. It would seem that we aren't a good fit for each other as we have been moving in two different directions. I have also been uncomfortable with your friends for a long time and they are fine but I have nothing in common with them either."

Another thing you could tell her if she blows you off with excuses could be "I really feel that if you aren't going to be honest or make time for me that it's time for us to part ways."

It's ok to let people go.

Thanks for your replies

Something else happened yesterday after I posted this too. We were going to go for a walk at the park to catch Pokemon and she said that she and her friend were on their way to come pick me up at my house. I waited by the window with my windbreaker on and my bag all packed with bug spray and a water bottle for over an hour. My mom and sister were getting angrier with them than I was. Eventually, I called her and the first time, she didn't answer, the second time I called she answered and said "Oh, we stopped at the mall (which is nowhere near my house) to get sushi and [Insert name here] wanted a smoothie. WE are leaving the mall, stopping at the bank, and then we can pick you up". No apologies, no text saying what was going on, just me sitting in the bay window, sweating inside with my windbreaker on.

My whole family is in agreement that they are inconsiderate, rude, disrespectful, and that our friendship is definitely not what it used to be. I'm afraid I'm going to have to let them go.

Okay,

Based on reading your current post gives me a different perspective that it's time for you to cut that friendship loose. Yes, you may have had a wonderful relationship with her at some but it's clear that her new friends are her priority right now and world right now. It may be that she loves you but you just aren't at the top of her list right now and that's sad. On the contrary, it sounds like you don't have anything in common with her and her new friends and don't connect as a result.

If you do decide to cut things off with her, I would get in touch with her and invite her to meet you for coffee so that you both could clear the air and then let her know that you feel like you aren't a good pair for each other at this point in time. Then explain why. She may be upset with you but if you explain with tact, she may listen.

On the other hand, you could just take a break from her by allowing the ball to fall in her court. In other words, if she wants to text or call, then she has your number. All the while, it might be time for you to join some clubs and meetup groups related to your interests because those will be like minded people. You could also look at developing some hobbies and interests that you like to do.

I think I'm going to do the break thing. I'm waiting for her to contact me, and I guess I'll just have to wait and see if she does. Normally, she isn't one for making plans (with me, she makes plans with others just fine). I do have a couple of other friends that I think are a better fit and I enjoy being around them more too because our interests and views on life are more similar.

You don't have to bother with all that, sounds like she'd greatly reduced communication with you already...so probably a little redundant to meet for coffee and have such a formal 'breaking it off' meeting, just let her drift off her own way and hang out with your other friends more. Also doing that would finalize it, which may be a little much...as it may not remain that way, it might...but sometimes people do re-connect later on after drifting apart.

If she is leaving things one-sided, that's giving you the signal that she's not interested. It also sounds like she doesn't really want to be with you and made you wait like that because she was trying to procrastinate meeting you. When she has been with you, it's out of feeling obligated rather than being there for you which isn't a good sign. Yes, it's time to let her go.

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Your friend sounds a lot like a childhood friend who met her first boyfriend along with getting into the wrong crowds upon entering Jr.High School. Suddenly, I was a joke to her and did whatever she could to avoid me. One time, she promised to sleep over and postponed twice before standing me up. She also kept blowing me off whenever I would call with "Can you call later? I have such and such going on?"

I had another friend who got married and lost her interest in me due to having nothing in common and not really having the same platonic feelings that I had towards her. After she ended things, my other friends came out and told me that they felt there were several times that she had come to my parties and didn't want to be there. Rather, she came because she was obligated and didn't care. I, however, didn't take that hint until she and her husband came up one last time with sour faces that poisoned my whole gathering. I really thought that she was my friend but there were signs that we were not compatible anymore.

it just sounds like you two aren't compatible anymore as well along with her becoming a bad influence and a bad friend for you. Don't waste your time with people who act like this.

People don't often change.
They enjoy saying the R word, it's a sign that they are very different from you.
Keep your friendship where it belongs, not hanging out, because you obviously are not compatible in that setting.