Do I only make people feel better about themselves?

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Sometimes it's difficult to draw the line between my own issues and those of others. Both exist. Lately, I've been feeling like acquaintances really only want to socialize because I make them feel better about themselves when held in comparison. I'm often guilty of catastrophizing situations as a means of self-protection, but there definitely seems to be some seeds of reality.

Even in high school, I remember the bullied NT 'nerds' then bullying me in turn. Sometimes, due to a lack of self-awareness and outright irresponsibility in the past, I really do bring it upon myself. But other times, it seems that I am being sought out for ridicule under the guise of friendship.

"If I am so intolerable, why am I being pursued?"

There's definitely self-esteem issues and a persecution complex at play here, but to some degree, I'm that way for a reason. I've gotten over the entitlement to others' respect, people will be people, and honestly I'm no exception. But unlike them, I tend to leave all of my cards on the table, regardless if I want to or not.

After weeks of dodged invites, I've decided to finally show up tonight. I'm on the defensive, and seeing as I've blown up in the past, I'm in a position where I have to lie down and take it if ridicule does occur. I can't separate playful ridicule and secretly malicious ridicule. At this point, I'd rather face it and get it over with. Realizing how defensive I'm feeling, I'm aiming to be receptive without being oblivious. It's their right to mock just as its my right to not be present for it.

Does anyone else wrestle with issues like these? Am I just being my own worst enemy?

Is this a thing? I thought most people like to hang out with people who are at least as functional as themselves because they want other people to look at who they hang with and think that they must be that cool too. I always thought that one reason people don't befriend me is that they are worried that other people will think less of them. I know this is very true for elementary students and less true for adults. But I can't imagine people wanting to hang out with someone who doesn't make them look good by being at least as socially able as they are.

This is probably the biggest counter-argument to my fears. "Who would do that?" But it has happened. It's usually in a private setting, a sort of "get a load of this guy" thing. Then my anxiety gets a hold of a few negative situations from the past and applies them to all situations. It's also probably a manifestation of my own guilt for having felt superior to others for trivial reasons. I really can't see the forest from the trees when I'm like this, so I apologize if this seems petty or neurotic.

It makes you sound human. And a little traumatized.

I appreciate that, I probably just needed to vent.

Ive had bad friends before. When I moved to another country and didn't see them anymore I didn't miss them one bit.

I must have had bad psychological issues to keep hanging out with people who acted negatively towards me.

Dont keep hanging out with these people just because you think you cant make new friends.

If you have a bad job you shouldnt quit until you find another but id say the opposite with friends.

You are entitled to respect, but you cant force certain individuals to respect you.
-Hanging out with people who dont show you respect =sadness
-Hanging out with people who show respect=one of the building blocks to happiness

This is pretty spot on, but I have a hard time trusting my judgement. Am I being self-centered and paranoid or am I being thoroughly gaslighted? I've been wrong before.



I've sabotaged many friendships by carrying around the baggage from other toxic relationships. Asperger's is considered somewhat of a myth around here. These friends are no exception and this may be the first red flag. Because I'm currently on disability while the others struggle to get by, we're often at odds, though I'm not open at all about receiving benefits. I'm apparently an entitled pseudo-hipster.

The best that I can figure is to be as kind and honest as I can. I get confrontational when I feel threatened and that skews a whole lot. If things go south, I'll just have to cut ties and try not to take it to heart. I'd rather be alone than in bad company.

Again, thanks for the kind words.

I dont know where you live but there has to be something like a local Dungeons and Dragons club, or even a jogging club or whatever.

This was actually the remnants of the local D&D club, which had fallen apart due to in-fighting, so I know that it's not just me. Tonight went about as I expected, but it only lit a fire under me to continue bettering myself, for myself. Any pettiness now definitely seems to be more about them than anything that I'm doing. They zeroed in on the easiest target and there's not much to respect about that.

Wow I didn't expect it to be the DND ers doing that.
Good luck to you man. Just keep trying don't give up to learned helplessness.

It might be an isolated case, but I've found that at least around here the 'successful' former bullies are now either quite polite or just don't bother with me. The particularly cruel and vindictive ones are the people who had been bullied and are now constantly on the search for a potential punching bag. The fact that I keep going back expecting something new is completely on me and definitely falls into the realm of learned helplessness. Thanks for the encouragement!