actually getting madder at someone overtime

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When someone says something mean to you, betray you, back stab you, or does something mean to you, have you actually gotten more mad at a person who has done somerging like that overtime instead of less mad? I know this sounds kind of odd but I've found resentment to sometimes grow over time depending on what a person does if I don't confront the person or really work on trying to forgive the person in contrast to actually getting over it. Do you find that to be the case with you too?

My resentment doesn't grow over time; but the means that I have of expressing resentment have evolved. I used to complain profusely. Now passive-aggression has become my modus.

Sometimes that happens. Hmm I don't know what could be done about that though

Anger, if constantly focused on, will grow over time. It's a phenomenon you can see in America's African-American culture where "race baiters" keep bringing up past social injustices at every opportunity to reopen old wounds and stir up anger in a community.

HEALING requires coming to terms with what has happened, and if possible, finding a sense of closure over it. Forgiveness is needed in the healing process. If all you do is keep focusing on the hurt and reliving the event over and over, your pain and anger magnifies over time...or at least becomes the center point of your daily existence...overshadowing everything else around you.

I think simmering resentment, usually, is counterproductive.

If I were you, I would choose my battles.

I find that people who are angry at many things tend not to accomplish much.

I find that anger naturally ebbs away over time. It takes a lot of energy to maintain anger.

It's a bit like a fire--after a while it goes out, unless you add logs, stoke up the coals, etc.

Unless it's out of control, a forest fire that will burn down the world around you--but who needs that.

Better just let it die and not dwell on the specific memories that act to stoke it. Dwelling on it, stoking it: that's a road to nowhere good.

For me, a resentment will linger and even grow a bit for a time, but then gradually subside. I do not blame myself for my anger, believing it to be a helpful emotion when managed in a healthy way. As it begins to lessen, I find myself getting tired of gnawing that particular bone of resentment and try to speed its fading away with positive self-talk, reframing, and so on.

It depends. With some things I do feel that way, especially if the situation was never really resolved, or if I keep having more and more problems over time coming up because of what the person did.

Usually it's not that I feel angry per se, but I just grow to dislike the person more as time goes by. Especially if they never did anything to work things out with me. Like I had a close friend in high school who turned out to be really two-faced, and then faded away saying some s**t about how I'd always be welcome wherever she is. Inevitably I saw her on FB, and I had always wondered how I might feel about seeing her again. I just felt sort of repulsed by her. I didn't dwell on being angry at her over the years, but the feeling of shock and disgust at how she treated me never faded either.

I guess for a lot of people, the bad memories fade over time and they remember more of the good times they had with a person. But I remember more of the last things a person said or did, like things just went on pause wherever we left off. I really lose respect for a person if they slip away knowing that they hurt me, and then pop back up later on acting like nothing happened, as if time should have healed the wounds. I find that cowardly, and I resent it. I like to face things head on, and people usually know that about me...I guess they just don't want to face the music.

On the other hand I have a lot of respect for a person if they are willing to face up to things and be real. That's why I have a lot of respect for my dad, although he was very abusive towards me growing up, he has long since owned up to that and never ducked away from it or made excuses.

If I have a lot of lingering or growing anger towards someone, it's usually because they played a lot of mind games on me that are still affecting my mind. The anger is a sign that they are still hurting me by proxy via my own corrupted thought processes.

Depending on what has happened, I don't necessarily respond right away which means that even appropriate anger was not expressed at the moment of the incident. It is after the incident is over and I think about what has happened where I will begin to grow more angry. Sometimes the anger is intense because there are so many things I want to SAY that I can't get out. These things stew inside me. It doesn't really help if I can't get them out. In those instances, it does help me to write out a letter to the other person, which I usually do not send. At least I get the feelings OUT. After that, I can begin to focus on releasing the anger.

I do make a point of trying to work through my negative feelings and forgive the other person. But, sometimes something will trigger the anger, kind of like an aftershock of an earthquake (though an internal one - I don't usually blow up at people.) The "aftershocks" gradually weaken and come fewer and farther between, until at last I feel no more anger. Sometimes, deep hurt will remain depending on what the original incident was, but I don't think about it all the time.

I do not feel guilty that these feelings of hurt or even anger pop up from time to time, even years later. I feel everything so intensely; it is just the way I am. Just because they pop up doesn't mean that I haven't forgiven or that I haven't moved on. It just means that I have a sore spot that got touched. Perhaps I have more "sore spots" than other people... Oh, well.

I get more angry with the person due to their actions and most of the time its silly why I am angry at them.I have been told by family that I am usually passive aggressive.

Don't get mad, get even.

In my opinion I don't think getting even is the best option.

This describes my experience perfectly! Well said.

This describes my experience perfectly! Well said.