Teen: Just who DO you make friends with?

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I'm a 16 year old male with Aspergers and in high school.

I have fairly decent social skills and confidence, I actually have little issues with fitting in or making friends. I even went on three dates with a girl I liked and everything.

The only reason I have so few friends is my INTEREST in making friends. I just had no interest in being friends with many people in the past. I have friends at school but I never ever spend time with anyone outside of school.

But in the last few months I have had a stabbing sense of loneliness.

When it comes to my social life I fulfill my social needs in 1 of 3 ways: I either like a girl and try to pursue her and go out with her, I try to make new friends, or I get to know my current friends better.

If I can't have one I usually try to have the other, and find it hard to do 2 or more at the same time.

The problem is when I have had a crush on too many girls and gone after so many. A lot of my friends think I am obsessed and that I need a break and I agree. It is too unhealthy for me and hurts me too much and affects my life too negatively.

So I want to take a break from girls right now.

But I don't just want to get to know my current friends better either. I only have 5 friends and 3 of my friends don't even live in the same city as me (but I used to live in the same city as them). The other two (the girl I went out with before we agreed to be friends) and this one other guy at school but they are both always very busy and do not have time to hang out with me and the rare times they are not busy, I AM. It's very frustrating.

So my only option is to make NEW friends. But...who?

I DO have about 5 acquaintances, but I just have no interest in being friends with any of them, which is fair enough. There are some people at school or work who we might be friendly with but probably wouldn't want to meet up with after school.

The only thing I can really do is try to meet new people. But there's no one. No one at all.

You could say I could ask my already existing friends to introduce me to their friends, but I've already tried that.

My friend Alex, I have no interest in getting to know his friends.

My friend Sarah, I have no interest in getting to know her friends either, except 3 people. These two girls who i would be interested in dating, and this one guy im undecided about.

But there is a difference between making friends for the sake of friends and making friends with people of the opposite sex in the hopes one can naturally end up in a relationship.

Sarah definitely thinks I need to take an actual break and not talk to her two female friends just so I can wait for the opportunity to date either of them and then pursue them for a relationship.

That's not making friends for the sake of making friends, that's making friends with ulterior motives.

The thing is, I am very careful about who I be friends with now because in the past I was only used by friends or had short or bad friendships.

There are many strict requirements you must meet now before I want to be friends with you, and most people do not fit the criteria.

There is NO ONE at school or in any of my classes I have interest in being friends with. No one at all except those 3 people. Those 2 girls and that guy I'm undecided about.

Anyway...maybe I have a ridiculously defeatist attitude, but what do I do?

And you can forget about making friends based on interests. I already pursue my interests but it doesn't help me meet people at all. I create music, write stories, read stories, listen to lots of music, like acting (but don't do any theatre or anything...YET), and only rarely play video games.

On the internet I am even more anti-social.

I don't even like talking to anyone at all on the internet not even in youtube comments or anything I am actually MORE shy on the internet more reserved even people on WP have sent me messages but I just haven't wanted to send messages back even if they are a nice person and they are being friendly I just don't respond.....

I dislike the idea of internet friends because my 3 friends who I lived in the same city with as kids we now live in different places and can only talk online and while I have dealt with it I am sick and tired of it and miss it.

I desire real friendships in real life in the real world people who I can speak face to face with and see not just through the internet.

I don't have too many friends, either.

I have made friends based on common interests and common background.

Don't worry about the quantity of friends, only the quality.

Thank you this is what I thought too and I agree.

It's just I have 3 really good friends and when I lived in the same city as them I had the best times of my life with them and I simply miss them and miss that feeling there is no one to fill that gap.

I only talk to these people online again but would give anything to meet them in real life again.

We meet up again sometimes but it's just not the same.

That's all I need really one or two good friends who live in the same city as me and have time to see me...

There is only two people in the same city as me who I would meet with outside of school and that is Sarah and Alex.

Sarah is out of the question she has time for no one not just me.

Me and Alex have tried for a while but haven't been able to meet up once.

Basically ideally 2 people but 1 at least to meet up with outside of school..

I have a good not so big group of friends with similar interests from school and it's enough for me

I'm happy for you. How did you meet these frineds though? Because I just dont feel I belong, I dont have a 'group'.

There is this little group I sit with at lunch and we play sports such as handball together, but we never talk about anything beyond games or random rubbish and I don't see myself being good friends with any of them.

These are the 'acquaintances' I was talking about.

I think they are okay and it's nice to joke around but they all have their own issues I can't really stand but tolerate.

Again, good people and it's nice to hang out with them at the lunch breaks but I get bored with them quickly and often go off somewhere else to hang out with other friends or do my own thing.

Other than that my only friends are 3 friends in other cities, Sarah who is always busy and while we do talk at school and online and I sometimes hang out with her group she's still always busy I can't really hang out with her at lunch anymore either she's always doing something she's fine with me going to her group without her there but it's just too awkward because I don't know the other's well enough I'm still a stranger/outsider and I don't WANT to really get to know her friends except for two of the group and I'll never associate myself as a part of "her" group because I am not. I'm a drifter I hang out with different people all the time and i'm happy with this, once a drifter always a drifter.

But how do you have a group then how'd you get along with them?

Me I have nothing just Sarah and Alex but I want MORE.

Quality over quantity? Yes, of course.

But when you have neither (5 acquaintances you could never see yourself being friends with, only 2 people in the same city as you who you would like to be good friends with) it's working against you.

I've been talking to Sarah about it for advice about how I can be more open of a person, what she thinks i need (which she agrees its my own group of friends both male and female I need that I could also NEVER see myself dating) and how Im going to make friends etc. but we're both just as stuck on this one.

Alex he might be able to offer support but I doubt he'd know what to do either as he is also an aspie...

I hope you stop feeling like an outsider, I used to feel that sometimes. I'm not good in giving advice but I'll try -
I first made my first friend I think if I remember well, because we used to sit together and we both weren't social so we stuck with each other, same with some other friend who didn't even have any interests in common with me but we became friends because we used to sit with each other then we started influencing eachother and having common interests and there are some friends which I approached at first and we became friends because I used to sit with them also
I think the more you get to know someone the more you find them similar to you, so I think all people are the same somehow even if it's an NT or an aspie or a sadist, I think all are humans so they can work with each other well if they start getting involved with each other, I was once depressed/sad about myself because of my self-esteem issues probably and I also hated myself that time, but then one of my friends told me that I'm a nice person so it doesn't matter
I guess maybe find find people you like and stick to them and start knowing each other because maybe they'll seem boring even if they have similar interests to you but eventually you will start loving being with them and you will become close with time and if you're a nice person people will like you