Figuring Out This Behavior From an Aspie

Post Reply New Topic

I consider myself a NT and wanted feedback on how I should interact with Aspies in the future considering I've ran into a few. I just want to make them feel secure and let them know I am not judging them. I recently ran into a guy that I'm pretty sure is an Aspie. Here are the traits:

- Monotone and verbalization seemed forced whenever we talked.
- Constantly stared at me, like to the point he didn't understand social norms of staring.
- During a conversation, he just froze and than literally almost ran away. I tried to talk to him again but he seemed annoyed/withdrawn so I just let it be. I did apologize if I offended him and he said it was not anything I did, I felt terrible because I thought it was something I said.
- Sometimes would shake when I went by him (similar to when he was nervous).
- Agreed with any opinion or statement I expressed.
- Sometimes when I was by him, he was just close himself and was very rigid and reserved. But when we talked other times, was very friendly. He would vacillate between extremely friendly, from extremely shy.

Anyways, as a gay person I thought maybe he was showing interest as this behavior was not your run of the mill interaction, but he is straight. I didn't pursue anything romantic obviously and for a variety of reasons but primarily on moral grounds and just wanted to be friends and make him feel at ease. How should I approach matters like this again, this is the second time I have ran into someone like this. What was possibly going on with him?

If he's an aspie, that's what is going on with him. There could be a measure of social anxiety to the mix.

There obviously is not a one size fits all solution, but I think that being friendly and accepting is all you can do. If he seems closed off or less responsive, don't take it personally. He might be overloaded sensory wise and just needs to decompress. I know in my experience I find it stressful knowing there is certain social expectations but not knowing what or how to properly respond.

Hope this helps a little.

You do realise the problem of asking an autism forum what's going on in someone's mind?

Seriously though, it is difficult to determine what might be going on here without more information. It could be he is nervous around you, it could be that he is annoyed by you, it could be that he likes you, it could be that he really likes you

Is there any pattern to how he acts? Does he brighten up on certain topics? Perhaps you could try and see what interests him and show interest yourself? This might put him more at ease.

"primarily on moral grounds"

It is not immoral to want to date someone with Asperger's

The other posters have given you some good, insightful advice. To this I would add that if you genuinely like him and enjoy his company, then do what you would do with an NT in this situation - be friendly to him, try and get to know him within the constraints that have already been mentioned. Be prepared for things to move slowly, and for him to react in ways that you might not anticipate. Give him time, and give him space - figuratively and literally. If there are awkward silences don't worry, he is probably processing what you just said. If he expresses interest in a particular subject then try and go with it, admit that it's not something you know much about but be willing to learn, it'll be much appreciated.

And above all - although I'm not suggesting that you would behave like this - don't treat him as a curiosity, or as something that is currently fashionable.

Hope this helps a little.