Social skills can be acquired but time makes this irrelevant

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There is a limit to how much social skill you can build in a certain amount of time. Time is always extremely important because you only live once.

My social skills are better than they were 10 years ago, but I needed them 10 years ago. The utility of the skills you acquire reduces as you acquire them. Not to mention, even if I had a time machine, my social skills would be better but still not sufficient.

I'm sure this rings true for at least a few other guys here. Maybe we need to reevaluate our priorities and make a proper decision on what we need to put effort into based on what reward we're actually going to get from it.

Agreed.

My social skills as a teenage aspie are very good now compared to a few years ago.

I now am confident and have good social skills and come across as a normal person.

I am really beginning to get used to the typical social structure, rules, etc. of being a teenager and getting used to living and feeling like a 'real' teenager...

and I am a high school SENIOR.

Here in Australia it is the final semester.

I now have the thought processes and behaviors of a normal teen that can help me fit in, but not the time to actually use it.

If I had these social skills I have now last year, I would have been very invovled with extra-curricular activities and very paricipant in school events, instead of just doing what I always do and drift through high school only doing the bare minimum of everything.

Now I am beginning to really wish I did more during high school.

I feel like I've wasted my time, wasted my year.

Last semester I spent weeks to months just d*cking around instead of trying to socialize, get out there and meet people like I am now.

And same thing with university and whatever the future holds.

Once you get the skills you realize it's too late to use them.

You're only 16. It's definitely NOT too late for you.

Only if he keeps it up and applies himself. The idea that there's plenty of time ahead, so wasting it doesn't matter, is very harmful.

True. But I just think the point is to actually be at everyone else's level AT THE SAME TIME, you have to be 2 steps ahead of yourself, which most of us can't do.

I'm just saying what's the point of years of hard work training at something if the end result is that you end up average anyway?

They were average the entire time, you had to catch up.

And a minority of people who began average are now ADVANTAGED and EXCEPTIONAL compared to everyone else.

I just don't like the idea. No one would want to be happy knowing they started at a disadvantage and only end up average or sometimes something even slightly below average.

This is true for any skill including social skills.

If you just take longer to learn something that everyone else already knows, why would you be prideful or satisfied that you only achieved the standard?

I just mean, for example if you grew up poor, had no friends, had poor health, and everyone in your life told you you'd never make something of yourself.

So let's say you end up graduating high school. Yay! Be proud! You overcame adversity to...only end up doing what every privileged kid your age has also done. Congrats kid, you graduated high school, which is what the vast majority of others your age have also done. You aren't special and have achieved NOTHING of any value, considering everyone else has also done it.

I'm actually experiencing this right now. I am in 12th grade and honestly, although i am looking forward to graduation, I feel no sense of pride.

Because in today's world graduating high school is basically the bare minimum for not being considered an un-contributing loser to society.

And what with more and more people entering university/college, some day graduating UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE will be the standard, the bare minimum, it will be what the vast majority are doing and you not graduating will mean you are less than average.

Graduating high school might seem like a big achievement, but it's really not. The majority of adults have done it, the fact that you CAN'T do it actually means you are behind.

Honestly, I don't mean this to offend anyone. If you didn't graduate high school then that's fine, I'm not judging you.

It's just for those who HAVE, it's nothing special.

This can be true for many other things as well.

Before anyone tells me "You should learn to be happy with being average, that means you're at the same level as everyone else" I AM HAPPY being average.

It's not that I don't like being average at things, it's that I started behind and had to catch up, while everyone else experienced being average their entire lives.

It's like spending years and years of hard work to become a self-made rich person, only to be bullied by privileged kids who grew up rich.

Sometimes you've just got to ask yourself, why bother?

So maybe we should learn to be happy by always beating our own personal bests. But it's just sometimes society still puts us down for what we consider our achievements.

For example, let's say I AM happy that I graduate high school, because most people in my family have not.

Well, someone just like me will probably criticize me, and say it's nothing special and I shouldn't be prideful about it.

Yep. That's kinda the trap one can fall into when comparing oneself to others. For me, sometimes it helps to alter the vocabulary of my self-talk. In general, I have found "pride" and "being proud" to be less helpful to my peace of mind with my place in the world than the underlying concepts of a word such as "grateful".

Congratulations on thinking about your self-perceptions and how you fit into the world. Coming to some form of positive terms with such constructs is a good thing.

You appreciate things when you're not used to having them. The person who overcame is in a higher place than the person who didn't have to try. The shower I take with soap, the breakfast I eat, the bills I pay with ease, the diapers I put on my son, are all things I didn't grow up with, so every day is a carnival to me.



You should look at graduating anything as like that movie Dazed and Confused. Celebrating being at the top of where you are, going into a new phase of life. It's not like jogging up a hill on a humid day. Just, like, enjoy it. It's not a chore.



You are obviously not happy with being average.



Why do you want to be a jerk instead of yourself? I had a hard time growing up and most of my cousins didn't. We're essentially the same people, personality-wise. I can see that with my talents and weaknesses, put in a privileged background, I would have been a terrible person. One of those mean-girl types. I don't want to be like that. I wouldn't want to live the hard times over again, but I like who I am now and the hard times made me this way.

I'm happy as well I started at a disadvantage, because it has also made me 'stronger'.

You're right. They can be jerks. Maybe I have to learn to shrug off criticism better, but this is what i can't stand. Those who put down your personal achievements because your personal achievements are no better than average/the standard.

And it is a myth that 'karma' will get the 'jerks'. Many privileged or lucky people continue to live this way.

The guy who was the popular a55høle jock in high school won't always grow up to be an unattractive, low-payed grocery bagger.

His attractive looks, good social skills, etc. will win him plenty of friends in university. Some popular people in high school might be 'jerks', but they still have the confidence, social skills and ability to find success.

Just like the person who was the shy, awkward and bullied nerd won't always be the next Bill Gates or even the next average teacher/programmer/whatever.

So while many of us must overcome our weaknesses and earn a living, so many just get it given to them for minimal effort.

This comic strip summarises how I feel: http://anonhq.com/a-short-comic-that-wi ... ivilege-2/

Replace the 'rich man' with your average person, and let's say the girl is also average/earns the same amount of money that he does, and you've got what many aspies feel in regards to social skills and what many, many people of other disadvantages e.g. other disabilities, poor, etc. feel.

Anyway, i want to get back to what the OP was saying. Why bother learning social skills if it'll be too late when you need it?

Well, I don't know the answer to that either, just wish I did..

Why bother working hard if you will be just like the girl in the comic strip?

You might not be a jerk, you might be strong and hardworking and strong-minded and intelligent, but you're at the EXACT same level as that jerk. And he is going to be a jerk to you. Like the man in the comic.

My family is also lower-middle class. If we ever begin to become the normal level of middle class, you better believe others will still put us down...