The pain of social phobia

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Hello all, I am a bit new to this site so I ask that you please bear with me, if you would. I assume a fair number of people on the spectrum suffer from strong anxiety. One of my strongest anxieties is social phobia, nigh crippling social phobia for that matter. I have contended with anxiety all my life but it was not until around my early teens that I found myself withdrawing more from pepole due to a variety of reasons, partly due to the difficulty relating and partly due to my senses being overwhelmed in many environments. I ended up being homeschooled as a result which lead to further isolation, though it made for a much better learning environment, (in my case), but the isolation just vastly worsened my phobia, (unsurprisingly).Around my mid teens I had finally gotten past depression and misanthropy and wanted to reconnect with people and overcome this anxiety instead of running from it, but of course all that time isolated made most efforts extremely painful. My phobia was so bad that even though indirect contact though a medium like the internet hard and when I would go in an public place I would need someone with me though if I was out to long I would literally get sick, it was very painful to say the least. Though with much effort and the grace of God and the kindness of my family and others has enabled me to make considerable progress. Yet still just being around someone unfamiliar is a challenge and I still am pretty isolated.Be that as it may I desperately want to connect with people and live a relatively productive life but some days the fear seems like a mountain getting bigger and bigger and I am getting smaller and smaller. Still I want to connect with people, and thought maybe this would be a good way to extend a branch if you will. I am curious of the experience of others on the spectrum, I apologize for the long post, I find it hard to succinctly voice my thoughts.

I understand. I find it very difficult to connect with people, even when I think that I've cracked it and managed to make some friends, they still don't include me in their activities and it gets me down.

What I did when I was younger was make friends with older people. They kind of took me under their wing and I think that talking to them helped me to develop my conversation skills. I'm still not brilliant at communication, but I've definately improved. Working as a receptionist helped me too because it forced me to speak to other people, I had to do it, it was my job. Although, I only stuck to what I had to say and didn't engage people in small talk very often.

Hi Shadowtag,

Good on you for putting yourself out there. I too suffer from social anxiety, but only mildly. So I sort of understand where you're coming from. It's bad enough having mild anxiety, so I can imagine how hard it must be for you. I'm glad to hear that you've come a long way from how you were before, though.

You're right in that remaining isolated makes it worse. It feels comfortable at the time, because there's always that sense of relief when you don't have to interact with people. I know it's a cliché, but you must continue to face your fears, and stay on top of them, so to speak. If you don't, they will continue to haunt you. Staying anxiety-free is something that requires effort and maintenance.

I don't know where you're at in terms of getting treatment, but seeing a professional has helped me. It can be helpful to step back and consider why you have these fears. Obviously being on the spectrum would be having a great impact, but if you can find someone to talk to they might be able to help you put some things in perspective. Of course, these are just suggestions based on my experience so things will be different for you. Medication could also be helpful to alleviate some of that initial anxiety, and might make social interaction a little less stressful.

Posting here is a good start.

I have had extreme Social Phobia since birth. I am also very very paranoid. Maybe paranoia gave me Social Phobia or it was the other way around.

I really want friends IRL. Someone to connect with and share experiances and stuff. The sad truth seems to be that my anxiety totally prevents me from having friends. I am negative now. I know.

It is hard to admit but I am probably incapable of friendship IRL with other people. A hard fact to accept. Maybe I can prove myself wrong soon. I hope so. I live on hope.

Strong medication might help me but I don't wanna take that. Maybe you could get help from medication of some sort.

Anxiety is hell.