I'm in 12th grade, high school senior. All year I have been very lonely and trying to meet new people, make new friends. I am shocked I have not made any by now. I even started at a new school the beginning of the year. Usually every year, by the later months such as July and August, I have made a decent number of new friends.
But this year that has not happened. Last year I made two really good friends and still keep in contact with them now, even if I have moved away. This year I have met many people and made many new social firsts and gone through a lot of change and personal development, but have made very few friends to show for it. I only have one 'true' friend from my new school, another 12th grade girl the same age. I am worried about high school ending. I feel like I will lose contact with the acquaintances I have (I most likely will) and that next year I will end up feeling extremely lonely and isolated.
Basically, this is what I have:
Friends:
1. best friend (lives in different city, still visit each otherand have kept in contact friendship is just as strong as it ever was, however the distance is really affecting us both and we both don't like it. Planning to move in together and share an apartment as roommates one day.
2. Another good friend, older brother of 3. Lives in different city but still keep in contact and am planning to visit them again soon enough. Haven't seen them in nearly a year.
3. Another good friend, younger brother of 2. Haven't seen them in nearly a year.
4. My friend here, Sarah.
I know QUALITY is more important than QUANTITY, however I still think, realistically, quantity still DOES matter.
Because even if you have the best friends in the world, not all friends can provide everything you want in a friendship. I am the kind of person who likes to spend time with their friends, the person who hangs out with and does stuff with them on the weekend.
Sarah is not this kind of person. It's not just me, but she just isn't that kind of person in general and rarely ever hangs out with friends outside of school or anything. She is more of the 'help/advice' type friend, the friend you can talk to about anything and the friend who can try and help you with anything.
Like I said all year have felt very lonely and isolated. I spend every weekend completely at home, it is very boring and lonely and I am sick and tired of it. I have my hobbies and interests but it gets lonely never having anyone to share your life with.
I just don't have that. I don't have a person I can just call/contact right now and ask them if they want to do something on the weekend, if they want to go somewhere or anything like that. All this self-reflection has just made me realize, I don't even have anyone to invite to my f*cking birthday party for example. Last year had two friends and a great time. This year: possibly Sarah if she makes the effort to show up, but other than that NO ONE else. Or any other event for that matter. There is nothing where I can just say "Hey, I just heard that X is on, would you like to join me and go to X together?"
I am jealous other people my age have this. They have friends outside of school, friends to do stuff with.
I know that life doesn't end after high school. I have heard it all before, especially from Sarah, that there will be chance to meet people, plenty of fish in sea, 7 billion people on earth, after high school life will get better. But I am just NOT the type of person to live in the future. I have plans for the future/next year, but I prefer to live in the NOW. I am not the kind of aspie that hates change. I LOVE change. I am adventurous person, I want to always be doing things, seeing things, meeting people, LIVING LIFE to the fullest, and in the present. Everyone else in this world just likes stability, status quo. Most people just go to university or get a job, meet someone, settle down and stay in the same place for most of their lives. The 9 to 5 status quo every day the same white picket fence conformity BULLSH*T. I am NOT this kind of person. I am also not the super adventurous person who travels the world or anything like that. I am like a halfway between these two types of people. I want to always be traveling and doing things and changing, but still like SOME stability in my life.
Too many other people my age are just living status quo, stable. Every other high school senior is just focused on the future. Excited about it. "Yay! We will be young adults, go to uni, get jobs! etc" I am not like this. I want to be living NOW, doing things now and especially making friends NOW. I have so little time left, but I don't want to waste it.
So, should I REALLY just not even try to make new friends in the little time I have left? Why the heck not?
I am not going to university next year straight away like some others are. My plan was to take a gap year or two, and spend the next two years just doing many different things. Volunteer work, joining clubs and groups, traveling and visiting friends, and getting a part-time job so I can save up for a new place. I know I will meet new people, but I am also thinking realistically here.
The thing is, if I already feel miserable and lonely when I spend 6 hours a day at school for 5 days a week, will things REALLY be better in the first two years after graduation if I make NO new friends from now till graduation? All I have heard from young adult aspies is that the first couple years after high school they feel 10x more lonely, isolated, and depressed.
Is this true or just a myth? How will my first two years after high school be then from the sounds of it? Hm?
30 Aug 2015, 1:36 am
