Do some people not KNOW when they're being rude and mean?

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Read through the first part, because it sets up my topic question. If you want, skip to the emboldened question. This isn't religious!! !

I recently was talking with somebody via IM. I met them through another website with forums, and we seemed to have a lot in common. Everything was okay for four hours until the topic of religion came up. Said person is a die hard atheist. I'm agnostic. Frankly, I don't know what happens after this, and I'm not really passionate about it. Well, they wanted to know why I was an agnostic. In other words, what evidence I had. I admitted I didn't have hard evidence, and that I only believe in the possibility. Things started getting ugly.

Well.... as the conversation evolved, they grew more and more snide, insulting my reasoning, and in a way, even comparing me to people in history who've committed evil acts over religion. I never insulted them ONCE, so I asked them why they had suddenly become so hateful. They replied, "Why are you suddenly so irrational?" Through out this, I stayed civil, not resorting to the same rhetorical rudeness. I even tried to steer the conversation away, but they were too caught in being funny at my expense. After a barrage of more insults, even saying my scientific knowledge couldn't possibly surpass Jr High level, I had had it. I implied I won't speak to them again, and I said I won't be treated so rudely and abused. I wished them well, and logged off. I figured it was mutual- why would somebody be so ugly and mean if they wanted to have any contact in the future?

So I get this private message on the site I met them, saying "That was Rude and Hurtful." and if I "insist" on taking their criticism as a personal attack, it wouldn't have worked anyway. Um... anybody who can comprehend language could tell it was a personal attack. I usually try to look at how I may have influenced a situation, but this is one where I'm convinced the other party was the problem.

Now to my question, if you're still with me.

I've run into this kind of behavior before. No matter HOW they act, it's my fault. Are there some people out there that literally CANNOT know how their actions effects others? Or is it a form of denial? I took a personal development class, and a teacher who had been in the counseling field for four decades said she'd come to the conclusion some people don't have the ability for self insight. I also heard this from a woman who had an abusive husband. She forgave him on grounds that he just doesn't see himself. Is that even possible? What are your thoughts on this?

can you send the link or describe the conversation in more detail. What were some examples of personal attacks?

Yes the are some people that literally CANNOT know how their actions effects others, especially when the topic is religion and for some atheists, atheism is a religion.

It's possible that there are, I haven't met people that are really like that though (thinking about it perhaps one person).

Mostly, people similar to that who I've met are just selfish and self absorbed (in my opinion), that they just couldn't be bothered. I won't go into examples because I'd get depressed and I managed to have a fairly good day.

It sounds like a nasty thing to happen, I hope you meet only nice people (for interesting and respectful chats) for a long time into the future.

Yes, they are called narcissists, and their apologies, when given, mean nothing.

That's what I suspect in this case. The other people I've met who share these behavior patterns were described as narcissists. No matter WHAT they did, they were always the victim, even if all you did was disengage from them to avoid their garbage.

Hmmm. It would be hard to say what this person's reasons for acting that way is, after just talking to him for four hours. Obviously, he has a strong personal reason for making his atheism such a central part of his life.

That said, the question is really how you feel, not how he feels. There is a limit to how much energy you should spend on a person you don't really have a close relationship with - but I know exactly how much an experience like this shakes a person. Maybe think about how you can make yourself feel better, be nice to yourself a bit, do something fun? s**t happens, it is important to respect your own feelings and find strategies for recovering that don't include endless analysis. I'm telling myself this as well, had a freaky experience yesterday, and have been thinking too much.

We are all insensitive when we feel strongly about something.

However: would you treat someone else the way he treated you?

It looks more like the atheist knew he is being rude but didn't give a damn because he considered your behavior rude too and in his opinion he was only fighting back.
There is no point disputing with such people. They will turn the situation against you no matter what you do because they are easily offended - they interpret any disagree as personal insult towards them and fight back even if the person they are talking with didn't mean to insult them.

However it is possible to be rude and not know you are being rude because whatever something is rude or not depends on other people interpretation, not ones behavior. Of course, there are behaviors considered officially rude but there are still people who don't see the behaviors rude. And some people see some socially accepted behavior as rude.

You don't have to look far to see an example of "being rude without knowing that" - you were rude when you expressed your agnostic opinion toward the atheist because you didn't consider he is an easily offended person. LOL
Yeah. It's messed up like that.

Probably a religious person turned militant atheist. Those people love to argue and get their feelings hurt. And no, I don't think this person thought of the OP at all.

REAL atheists, who never believed in anything, don't care about religion. It's like skateboarding. I don't know how to do it, so I pay no attention to it at all. I have no opinion about skateboarding. To have such a strong opinion in something you supposedly have no stake is suspect.

That's very insightful! ^

CaptainTrips - I sometimes make inappropriate observations about people without realising that it may upset them. I once told my boyfriend's sister that she was the most attractive out of her and her siblings, which I just though was a nice thing to say, but I hadn't considered - in that moment - that it wasn't very nice for my boyfriend or his brother, who were both present at the time!

P.S. The Stand is one of my favourite books!