How To Tell People That You Are Different?

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How can a person say that she is different without it sounding stupid and emo? I hate it when people meet me and are surprised at what I'm like, so I prefer to explain in my online profiles, but sometimes I don't want to type a long explanation and just want to say "I'm not like other people." Part of the problem is that everybody thinks that they are different and special and most people probably won't take me seriously or even have any idea of what I'm talking about.

One of my profiles says that I am "eccentric." I'm not satisfied with that because I'm afraid that it will be interpreted as something negative. I just want to let people know, in a neutral way, not to expect the average person. I have used "nerd," "individualistic," etc., and none of those descriptions were ever satisfying.

I'll give you two answers, my professional one and my personal one.

Professional: I would include your own definition of "different" along with any other self-description. If you're telling someone that you're a girl, a particular age, that you like this thing or that thing, THEN just briefly state your own way of being different and what you want people to understand about that. It will cut off any future misunderstandings and set the tone for how you want yourself to be treated.

Personal: I have a neurological disease, which I don't feel is anyone's business. People at school who know about it are always saying that I should write about it in my work and whatnot. I talk about it on Wrong Planet, but I don't think it has much to do with my work and I don't want people to think I have a "personal struggle." In fact, I don't like people to know personal things about me at all. I would rather wait to get to know people and then if it comes up tell them then and only include what information I think is necessary.

I'm slightly surprised that most voters selected the second option. I expected that other people on this forum would have had a similar experience; that going into social situations with strangers who don't know about you resulted in a lot of rejection (mutual or otherwise) and/or wasted time. People generally expect others to meet some basic "average person" requirements, and when they experience someone outside of those guidelines, things tend to get awkward.

Most of the time I can act well enough so that people don't notice instantly.
I prefer to not tell, or only tell when I want to explain my behavior and I'm comfortable letting the other person know.

I think "Hi, I have Asperger's. That's a form of autism. It might make me appear weird sometimes but don't worry about it ahahahahah... By the way my name is..." is a bad conversation starter.
Where I live, most people don't know a lot about autism, and if they do, I don't want to let their possibly misinformed ignorance put me into a bad light.

I think there are some instances where being direct and honest is best, and other instances where it's best for them to find out through interacting with you.

If you want to avoid people misunderstanding something you may say or do, I think it's important to tell them as you don't want them to get a bad impression of you.

Most people don't think there is anything wrong with me and just think I'm shy - but they haven't spent enough time around me to really notice my "quirks".

I have been spending time with a nice couple I met at church and I found it necessary to tell them, as I didn't want them to think I was being rude or that I didn't want to talk to them. So I just came out with it. They didn't believe me at first, but I think they get it now.

The way I see it is it's nothing I'm ashamed of and if I'm going to be around certain people fairly regularly, I'd rather be known as being the weird autistic girl than being seen as a jerk or a creep.

Most people don't understand autism, so I figure it's good for them to learn about it. There's a lot of us and there's always that chance they meet other Aspies, and then they can use what they learn from interacting with me when they encounter them.

If I wasn't going to be spending much time around them, I probably wouldn't have said anything, unless it seemed like they were misunderstanding something I did or said.

I just let my actions do the talking.

Same with me. I don't have any need to label myself. I might casually explain individual behaviors as they pop up, but I never try to explain "everything."

I also can't think of a convenient label for my general weirdness. But even if you do find a good label for it, you still run the risk of people misinterpreting your label and therefore misinterpreting you.

In some circumstances, personal details aren't appropriate to give to people you just met. Although, it can be good to give info as soon as it becomes relevant. Like, you should list what gender you're "seeking" on a dating web site, even though you wouldn't normally broadcast your sexual orientation to every new person you meet.

I tell a few people:

-Those who I interact with frequently, and those I think may already have a suspicion.
-Generally I say 'I have difficultly interpreting social cues and figurative language. I may need to ask you what you are feeling or mean. I'm not trying to be rude, I just genuinely need clarification.'

Since that's usually the only way I'd negatively impact others (or my own social-ness) they tend to be pretty cool about it and it helps me learn their idiosyncratic method of interaction. Sometimes I even get to learn things that I can apply to a broader set of people!

During social interaction it is not wise to say you have autism. If you do, other people try to project their beliefs about autism on you which is not alwas true. That some autistics have certain problems in a high degree does not mean I have those problem in the same high degree. I am a typical spectrum autistic which can have NT traits. I like social talk and chit-chat. If I say I am autistic (most NTs have not sufficient knowledge) you can make life difficult.

I most often keep it quiet and let the people find out how I am. Being silent about it can result into pretty good interpersonal relations or - often in my case - work relations.

I agree. That's not what I meant by telling people that you are different.


True. The alternative is that they will often project their beliefs about what a typical person is on you.

I guess it didn't occur to me that people who don't have problems with first impressions would even bother with this thread.

You could say that you aren't disabled-you are differently-abled. [I got that from a book about Asperger's by Rudy Simone, by the way.] I basically let my actions speak louder than words when it comes to that sort of thing, especially since I don't talk a lot anyway.

I don't want to count on the people I am interacting with being kind empathetic intelligent people, most people are ignorant and down right prejudice so I don't volunteer information unless I have to. If I can get by without them noticing then mission accomplished, if not then I guess that's how they find out.

[quote="brightmorning"]
I have been spending time with a nice couple I met at church and I found it necessary to tell them, as I didn't want them to think I was being rude or that I didn't want to talk to them. So I just came out with it. They didn't believe me at first, but I think they get it now.

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Why is it that people don't beleive us? Is it just because it is so hard to understand unless you experience it yourself? (I obviously dont completely understand it myself, but I would say I 80% understand it and the average person 5% understands it)
I tell someone that I have problems understanding social interactions because I have aspergers and most people have one of two reactions:
1) Everyone has trouble with that sometimes or
2)You aren't as bad as you think

Same here. When I am in a group, especially at school, I too make sure my actions explain themselves.