When is it acceptable to "buy" friends?

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Once again I'm reaching my point of desperation. I'm considering "buying" new friends by bribing them with a dinner out or some incentive to spend time with me. Is it ever acceptable to do this or "buy" new friends to establish a new friendship?

If you want to pay for a companion then it is up to you.

It could lead to something meaningful but it's not the best foundation for a friendship.

Sounds like the guy who gave sweets to his classmates to make friends. Didn't help, he made no, or bad friends who used him for more stuff.
Bad investment.

NEVER.

The only time you should buy friends is if you're in politics or business, and you need to use them for something.

People who buy friends are one of two people -

1. People who are desperate and alone. These people have friends only because they're paying for their dinners, booze, whatever.

2. People who are manipulative and are buying people off. These people manipulate their friends, family, and others in their life with money, while getting away with terrible things.

Never buy your friends, because you want to find someone who likes you for you. Anyone will accept a free dinner, or play the role of friend to get you to spend money on them. That vulnerability, while completely logical and understandable, will expose you to manipulators, and you're AS will prevent you from realizing it until it is too late.

exactly. I know, because I was that kid, lol.

I was that kid too. My mom taught me that people would like me if I had cool things (toys/clothes) and did cool stuff (take them to amusement parks and concerts) and that I should pay for their stuff on these outings since I was "the host." I'm 22 now and it's very hard to remember that I don't need to buy friends. I have real friends who like me for who I am instead of what I can buy for them. I'd rather not have people who spend time with me just because I buy them things. To me, buying "friends" is sadder than just being alone.

I don't see this any different from dating where during the initial phase of the relationship, one lavishes meals and gifts upon the person you're courting to incentivize a second or third date.

I'm looking at this from a practical and pragmatic perspective (side effect of being a dino-aspie). I'm having trouble establishing new friendships. If I can buy someone dinner or provide a favor in exchange for companionship, there could be an opening for a new relationship.

Yes it's a cynical way to look at things. But the older you get the more cynical you become and the people at your age level become.

only when they are on special

Buying gifts and s**t will get you exploited and soon after left.
People who are with others just for money/material gain will leave as soon as there's nothing more to get.
People truly want to be friends with people whose presence makes them feel good.

IMO all of us people who have seen it in action can agree that bribing doesn't work.

when my current partner and I were just starting to date neither of us had much money, so we did stuff like hike and fish and break into abandoned buildings and go to free events and cook whatever strange pairings of food we had and so on. why can't you "buy" friends in a less obvious way? like what would happen if you invited people to go on an adventure with you?

If you have trouble making friends, then you will always have trouble making friends. I spend most of my time alone. Not by choice, but because most of my friends are either overwhelmed with their own lives, sick, exhausted, dead, or just too lazy to come see me. It's hard, but loneliness is the price of the modern condition, unfortunately.

I can't make friends, because I don't trust anyone. I don't place much on value on humans or life in general. I'm also sick and can't do anything.

Even my good friends, were not all that great, but they were literally the best I could choose, from a worthless populace. Actually, worthless would be overvaluing them. They are less than worthless. They are debt incarnate. They are disposable people, who will dispose of me, when they get bored, or find someone more exciting.

I think it gets worse as we get older, and become more cynical and isolated like you said.

Being different is bad, and that's that. Nothing else to it. Society 101.

This reminds me of an old Rodney Dangerfield joke; "when I was a little boy, my mother would tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me". Personally, I am against the "buying" of( friends) because in the back of your mind there is always going to be that doubt, are they really my friend because they think I'm an OK person or only because they were bribed?

It isn't unacceptable to buy friends, it's impossible. If someone can be bought then they'll never be a friend.

Nope, never. Won't work either dude.

Never.

I'm so glad you posted this. It really made me think about why I do what I do. I am trying to reconcile myself to the fact that, even at 51, I still really cannot make friends, regardless of how polished I have made myself in interacting with people (basically by pretending I'm someone else), or when I am completely myself, being very vulnerable.

But I started inviting people over for dinner and a movie and a swim at my house, and I wonder if I was trying to buy their attendance.

In any case, thanks for posting this. It helps me to know I'm not the only one who feels lonely and sad about the fact that no one ever thinks of inviting me anywhere, or doing anything with me, and they normally have someone else they would rather spend time with than me, which leaves me basically friendless and alone. People care about me up to a point, and supposedly like me up to a point, but obviously not enough to choose my company outside of the places we gather, which for me is church and recovery meetings. Thanks for making me feel a little less alone.