Autistic child is obsessed with my child

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Hi, I've seen some similar topics on this forum, but none from "the other perspective", and would appreciate some feedback:
About 3 years ago, my son (now 8 years old, I'll call him A) became friends with a boy (whom I'll refer to as D) whom he went to kindergarten with and also lives on our street. For about 6 months, the friendship was great, best of friends. Early on, D's Mom had told me he had been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. About 6 months in, D became increasingly possessive of A (both at school and out), becoming upset and aggressive if he felt he wasn't getting enough attention from A, or if A interacted with other children. By the time kindergarten was over, their friendship had deteriorated and D had been moved to a different class as he would have melt downs,or punch, kick, hit, etc... A or anyone A interacted with. Three years later, D is extremely focused on A, who wants nothing to do with him. If we are walking past D's house, he will running out (and has nearly been hit by a car doing so a few time) and tackle A to the ground, hitting & punching him; if D can't get out of his house, we'll hear him banging windows and screaming inside. If we run into them somewhere, or if they see each other at school, it's the same. Alternatively, if D and his family walk past our house, he'll run away and attempt to get into our house (he's made it in a few times), looking for A, and will not leave until someone (usually my husband) physically removes him.
D's parents have been extremely passive- they'll stand there & try to chit chat as A clings to us while D attempts to pull him off, or as My husband is removing D from our home. The most reaction they've ever shown (when we stop D, when we've complained, or at meetings with teachers) is that D had no other friends, he just likes A so much, maybe if A would pay more attention to D, he'd calm down. If anything, we suspect they encourage his focus of A(ie: if they find out A has soccer at the local field every Tuesday, say, they'll "happen" to be there every Tuesday. They attempted to sign D up on the same hockey team as A, but when they were told he'd had to try out like everyone else and there was no garuntee which team he'd be on, they weren't interested in hockey anymore.)
The school has also attempted to help with this situation, suggestioning behavioural or social therapy, either at school or out, extra classroom assistance, recess programs for D, etc... But the parents arent interested. At this point, all the school can do is keep A & D in separate classes (which his parents werent happy about), but they still come across each other in the halls, during assembly, etc... Due to D's diagnosis, the school boards policy is that typical bullying rules don't apply to him, and as such he can not be removed from the school against his parents wishes.
My son has a lot of anxiety about this all, were constantly talking about how he can avoid D, what to do if he sees D, he doesn't want to go anywhere where D may be. D is also quiet a bit bigger than A by this time, and we're concerned he could be badly hurt (on the flip side, if he was, the school could potentially force his parents to take action or remove him from the school, but obviously, we'd like to prevent A from being that hurt in the first place). There's not much point in us moving a to another school, as we'd still live very close to D, and besides, other than this, A loved his school.
While my main concern is obviously my own child, im concerned for D as well- he was A's good friend at one point, and his parents say he hasn't had a friend since, and doesn't not seem to be a very happy boy. And obviously, nearly being hit by cars is a problem.
So... I'm not sure what I'm looking for here? Advice? Suggestions of how to have a good, productive conversation with D's parents, get some results? How to help A deal with this?

Have you talked to the child's parents and let them know that you will no longer be pretending that this is not a problem? Your child deserves to feel safe at school and at home. Don't chitchat with the parents while their son attacks yours. This is sending the message that the situation is in hand to some degree and it isn't.

Request that they please not walk by your house or bring their son to your son's sports practices and stop walking by their house. Obviously they can claim they have a right to walk or go where they please, but their son does not have the right to terrorize anyone, nor is it in his interest to be allowed to do so. Attacking people is illegal, so if they refuse to cooperate, I would feel that there was no choice but to call social services/Department of Children & Families/whatever they have where you live and ask for them to get involved. It is possible that the parents can be convinced or forced to get the child the behavioral therapy he has available at school.

Be pleasant and sympathetic, but firm, about the need for them to do something about the problem.

I would also insist that the school do something to ensure that your son is safe. It sounds like they are claiming that there is nothing else to be done, but I would go further up the chain of command until someone does consider an effective solution. The point is not to punish the boy, but this school does not seem able to appropriately deal with the problem. Your son could be seriously injured from an ill-timed tackle and is already suffering from fear and anxiety about the situation, while the other boy is getting bigger and stronger but not being taught any self-control. Now is the time to intervene before things get worse for everyone.

I am sorry you're in this situation.

There's definitely something very off about all of this. I may be wrong (I was the type that clammed up and wasn't usually aggressive, so my perspective is going to be different) but it seems like ASD is only part of this child's issue. The parents strike me as being delusional and they are either unintentionally, or intentionally, feeding his behavior. The school needs to be taking your child's anxiety into just as much consideration as the other boy's ASD, for them to allow this is unacceptable. I worry for the other boy, the parents seem to be neglecting his need for therapy (which I don't typically say) and they may be doing him more psychological harm than what is apparent (there's something really weird about their behavior). I am inclined to say that social services needs to be contacted so that they can intervene. The fact that he is racing out in front of traffic to tackle your child, and his parents don't appear concerned, is disconcerting.

"D had no other friends, he just likes A so much, maybe if A would pay more attention to D, he'd calm down. "

this is concerning. it may be somewhat true, but that that is the response is concerning. it says 'D is fine..if A would just change his response, we wouldn't have an issue' - which is denial at best and blaming the victim at worst.

i don't think there will be a way to have a productive conversation with them..doubly so since the school has already tried. they seem to love their kid - which is great.. but they also seem oblivious that he can do wrong..or that, regardless of diagnosis, he doesn't get a pass on all behaviour, nor is he exempt from any guided development/redirection.

as he grows, this uncontrolled violence (what it is) will in turn get them hurt as well when he is fixated on a certain meal he doesn't get or something similar. and at that point, there will be few options for him but a very controlled, lockdown environment..so you're also quite right to worry about him..(and it is good that despite what's happening to your child, you're not outright vilifying D). he needs help Now.

i'd also agree with AuroraBorealis that...this may just be autism, but it seems, at a minimum, influenced as well by common comorbidities (e.g. OCD) or other developmental/cognitive disabilities..(e.g. a study showing 55% of asd kids with <70 iq (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21272389) --he may be challenged as well in this way and thus any normal cues or conversations will Not work..he Needs special, focused help - beyond what most any parent, by default, possesses.

as a result, i'd also agree with Aurora, someone needs to intervene...be it child protective services/an autism network that reaches out for cases like this..something. your son is having far more struggles than he should ever have to go through with an 'ex-friend'...but this kid, D, he's being set up for a lifetime of unmitigated trouble.

i'm sorry you're going through this and hope A still learns that autism isn't a bad word full of scary people.

Is an attachment or obsession and negative response to change.

D needs help on appropriate relationship and social skills.

The difficulty is in handling this the right way with the parents. You need to be assertive, but do it in such a way is not too negative but helpful. The parents will be on the defensive if they feel that you are hanging them and D to dry. You don't want to be patronising but coming armed with some information might help

Ultimately it is for D's happiness too. It is hard being on the spectrum, especially the lower end of social awareness. However he need to be aware how his behaviour can affect others as much is possible in his case.

My child is D, his kindy best friend is A. Luckily they don't live on the same street.

If D is like my son, A is the only child who has taken an interest in him long enough to become his friend. D could play with only A every day for the next 10 years and be perfectly happy with it and has no idea why A would want to play with anyone else because D doesn't.

There is not much you can do here. D does not have the self awareness or social awareness to see that what he is doing to A so however you tell A to behave is unlikely to be noticed by D. I feel for D, he needs assistance with emotional regulation and social skills. It's likely he will not mature out of this. He will find a new friend eventually, do the same thing and end up isolated and maybe bullied. Do you know the parents well enough to ask what therapies D is receiving for his ASD and what things they're planning on working on next, as though you're just taking an interest in his ASD? Maybe you mention a friend (me) who's 7 year old is about to start emotional regulation for this kind of thing with his psych. He has been through 5 rounds of intense social skills intervention and could take a quiz on social appropriateness, but can't put it into action because he can't contain his excitement. The parents really need to step up.

Have you tried talking to his parents about it?