Making Friends and Alcohol

Post Reply New Topic

Hello Everyone,

So it has been around a year since my last round of postings here but I thought I would update you all on what I have discovered and seek your opinion on the potential destructive nature of it.

My Revelation: Alcohol enables me to make friends faster and makes my personality more attractive.

Definitions:
Friend - A person who is happily willing to see you outside of the context in which you met, where the person is seen as an end in itself and not a means to an end. Trust is implicit to at least one side of the relationship. A friend is one persons perception on the other; that is, the friendship may not be reciprocated which makes this topic much more confusing and controversial.
Relevant Girl - A straight female who is my age plus/minus 40%. Always of age. Essentially a girl who I could date and consider for a long term relationship, race/weight/religion does not matter.
Drink - Spirits, beer, alcohol; anything that could be considered as an "adult" drink.
The Site - A website targeted towards making friends and bringing people with common interests together, not always in person.

Background on me and my situation:
Near 3 years ago I moved states to place where I had no safety net and no friends; I knew nobody. At this point I did not drink and had less than 5 friends in my home state; at the age of 22 I had never held a relevant girls hand, been on a date, given or received a hug. My dad was a mean drunk so I had resolved to not drink many years prior, I have no connection to him now.

The Turning Point:
Nine months ago I became depressed and started drinking, mostly on the weekends but especially when I am board and alone. I joined The Site eight months ago as a way to meet people in my new town and try to make friends.

The Good Fallout:
Alcohol seemed to loosen me up, at work I have moved up the ladder received a pay rise and am generally more respected for my work. In some cases I am the go to person for certain information. On The Site I have managed to make a few friends and gained the attention of a few relevant girls too:
Girl1: "Maybe we could catch up sometime?? You seem like quite a nice guy. Do you have facebook??"
Girl2: "Hey MrBackward thank you so much for last night, can I get your number mines XXX. We need to catch up again"
Girl3 : "Well ur very sure of yourself, I will be at X for lunch if you feel like catching up"

The Bad Fallout:
I have put on 3 pounds and have to be more careful of spending money (more $ used on alcohol). I lie more and most significantly of all I believe that I am developing an addiction to alcohol. In a social situation I only drink to loosen myself up, on my own I drink specifically to get myself drunk and not have to deal with being alone and bored.

Outcome/Fear:
Everything good that has happened to me has coincided with me drinking more, I have seen and done more in the past 6 months than I have done throughout the rest of my years on this planet; my career is jumping forward, I am gaining new friends and actually have relevant girls interested in me (yes I have even held a relevant girls hand, been on a date, given and received a hug).
However; drinking more is itself a bad thing but I fear that if I stop the good things that I have achieved will also stop and I don't think I can stop altogether.

Questions/Observations:
Have any of you had a similar thing happen to you, where something bad has lead to something good?
Have you been addicted to something, how did that turn out?
With things going as well as they are should I bother trying to become sober?
Do you have any extra insights to offer?

I am basically trying to consider where this path will take me.

Thanks,
Mr Backward

I'm afraid to say that you are on a slippery slope, i have been on the same slope myself, in the same situation really (including drinking alone to forget about the loneliness), this is a very dangerous situation.
Alcohol is a potent 'social lubricant', but you should be careful to not become reliant on it; a 'friend' should still be a friend when you are both sober, regardless of the status in which you first met. for a relevant girl, this is doubly true.

My own survival instict has kicked in several times when i was intoxicated, preventing anything from happening with random 'relevant girls', but at one time got a relationship kickstarted (but this one i knew for a year already).

Stop the alcohol cause you're going to end up just like your father. You have alcoholism in the family. Nothing good can come from it because you'll keep needing more alcohol for the same effect. I know all about it.

Most powerful tools are also dangerous tools. Alcohol makes socializing SO much easier that it's almost cheating. That said, it's a slippery slope so be careful.

I have the same friend. When she drinks she becomes the most funny person in the world. But it's not the real she. Try to develop your personality/ Read books some interesting article, be interested about the world it makes you more interesting without alcohol

Mr. Backward, the original poster, asked this question. "Have you been addicted to something, how did that turn out?" So before you jump on me keep that in mind. I was addicted to cigarettes and marijuana from age 13. I quit smoking cigarettes at 20 and marijuana at 23. Marijuana was way more difficult. In the end, it just took willpower. Living on the spectrum takes willpower every day, and the older I get the more I realize this. This has led me to wonder if being on the autism spectrum has made me more resistant to addiction because of this will power I have built up. It does not matter the temptation, whether it be food, alcohol or porn, I always seem to notice the problem before it becomes an addiction. As I said, I always thought everyone on the spectrum had a resistance to addiction, just like it seems like we are resistant to all forms of social constructs. I am surprised to read all these media-induced scare tactics about the evils of alcohol being repeated here. Am I on the wrong thread? Maybe I am on the wrong forum. I thought this was a forum for people on the autism spectrum. Being on the "wrong planet" to me means that I can see through the media-induced scare tactics. While the rest of America is happy repeating stuff they hear on the news or read in the newspaper, I try to get the facts before I jump the gun. I have been drinking alcohol for over 20 years and I can take it or leave it. I go months or years without drinking. Am I the one person in America that can drink alcohol for over 20 years and not become an alcoholic? No. The media-induced scare tactics will try to convince people that alcohol is some super-additive substance that will ALWAYS lead to alcoholism, but there are many people like myself that can enjoy alcohol responsibly, their whole lives. Has the American media really infected the whole world? I thought evil alcohol was just an American thing.

When I was younger I noticed that with enough alcohol one's personality and appearance *both* improved.

The key apparently is to make sure you aren't the one drinking.

I say if it's making life easier to live, go for it. Life is too short to live miserably. yeah it's bad for your body. But if you're like me you dont care if it chops the last sh***y 10 years off of your life.

There has to be a reason everyone our age does it. That's probably it.

If there's a genetic addiction factor, it can be dangerous. That said, there are no known addicts in my family, and wine is a part of weekly religious ritual. Personally, I find that it stops the "traffic jam" in my head and I can just say things without having to screen it all first to make sure it's appropriate and consistent with the kind of things I've heard other people say. I do drink on occasion when I'm at home alone, but I get most benefit from it when I'm at a gathering with co-workers - it's the difference between being quiet and just listening all night, and actually participating in conversation.

I do think drinking helps in socializing, which is why bars exist, but I soon realized that if I had to drink to socialize, I couldn't also drive home, and it was hard to sustain drinking over a long evening. And I have a problem with peeing in public bathrooms, so this tactic started to work less and less well. After 20 years, I'm an alcoholic, and currently trying to quit. I stopped earlier this month and got withdrawal symptoms pretty bad, sweating, insomnia, rapid heart rate, confusion, anxiety... so now I'm tapering off. Trust me alcohol is a very dangerous drug. If you can do it with alcohol, you can learn to do the same thing without it.