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Summer_Twilight
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10 Aug 2018, 5:28 am

Hi:
As of late, I have noticed that my colleagues have been seeming to be really supportive of each other on Facebook and social media. Just about everytime I turn around, I see them supporting each other on social media and seeming to connect. They talk about missing each other and congratulate each other. I try to be supportive but I feel like they push me away.

Like yesterday, one of them talked about missing working with us and a few said they would go see her but she didn't say anything. When I said something it was "I don't have a lot of time, classes are starting. When are they starting for you? " I wouldn't visit her now anyway because whenever I plan ahead, I usually do it a month or two in advance.

Another one said that she and her husband were so broke that they could not buy groceries and again, she got lots of support. One of them said they were going to give her leftover macaroni while I offered to buy a few things for them. I asked, "What do you need?" She said it was sweet of me but that she was just "Joking." Meanwhile, the one with the macaroni got a thank you. "I heard those those being put on my desk."

These people are so into their own little worlds it breaks my heart.



HistoryGal
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11 Aug 2018, 9:02 am

Don't obsess over it. Move on. They don't deserve a sweet friend like you.



HistoryGal
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11 Aug 2018, 9:04 am

Don't obsess over it. Move on. They don't deserve a sweet friend like you.



Summer_Twilight
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11 Aug 2018, 5:58 pm

I have decided to be happy for them and invest my time in people who are interested



Gallia
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11 Aug 2018, 6:06 pm

damn i hate cliquey people. let them neutralise each other :D


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Esmerelda Weatherwax
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11 Aug 2018, 7:42 pm

I'm sorry this is happening. Look: cliques thrive on the thrill of excluding the people who are not "in" them. It's basically seventh grade with 25 year olds. Also, people who will do this at 25 will still be doing it at 70 - the level of adult bullying in old age homes (oh, I guess we call them "retirement communities" now) is just amazing. They never grow up, they never turn into better people. Many of them, anyway.

You "win" this by not caring - you can make sympathetic noises, say "oh that's too bad, I'm sorry you have to deal with that" but not reach out, not extend yourself, and you'll take all the fun out of rejecting you because you are no longer there to reject. Even if they talk about some social thing they're all planning, or have already done, without you, and they're gauche enough to do that in front of you - you can shrug, say "hey, sounds like you guys had fun" , refill your coffee mug and go on about your business.

It will feel strange, and you'll possibly feel as though *you* are being the bad guy by not trying to help and not trying to join their social circle. But they've already told you what you need to know. People who enjoy excluding others on purpose are just not nice people. No matter how they gush over one another!

It's OK to leave them to their own tender mercies, but in a workplace it's wise to make positive-neutral noises about their fun times, often enough so they can't claim that *you* are somehow snubbing *them*.

And yeah, ugh.


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HistoryGal
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12 Aug 2018, 8:55 am

I've done that so many times. Just don't show any considerable level of interest.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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12 Aug 2018, 9:39 am

^^ and it gets a lot easier with practice, which unfortunately is always available in this situation :-|


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Summer_Twilight
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26 Aug 2018, 8:24 am

Esmerelda Weatherwax wrote:
I'm sorry this is happening. Look: cliques thrive on the thrill of excluding the people who are not "in" them. It's basically seventh grade with 25 year olds. Also, people who will do this at 25 will still be doing it at 70 - the level of adult bullying in old age homes (oh, I guess we call them "retirement communities" now) is just amazing. They never grow up, they never turn into better people. Many of them, anyway.

You "win" this by not caring - you can make sympathetic noises, say "oh that's too bad, I'm sorry you have to deal with that" but not reach out, not extend yourself, and you'll take all the fun out of rejecting you because you are no longer there to reject. Even if they talk about some social thing they're all planning, or have already done, without you, and they're gauche enough to do that in front of you - you can shrug, say "hey, sounds like you guys had fun" , refill your coffee mug and go on about your business.

It will feel strange, and you'll possibly feel as though *you* are being the bad guy by not trying to help and not trying to join their social circle. But they've already told you what you need to know. People who enjoy excluding others on purpose are just not nice people. No matter how they gush over one another!

It's OK to leave them to their own tender mercies, but in a workplace it's wise to make positive-neutral noises about their fun times, often enough so they can't claim that *you* are somehow snubbing *them*.

And yeah, ugh.


Well these people are shallow, to begin with and they are happy together but when one of them suddenly gets sick or if something else happens their "Wonderful friends" run away. \


Esmerelda, thank you so much. I will be neutral about that.