sad today...re: continual rejection by ppl (FB)

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I have 3 or 4 neighbors as 'friends' on my FB. They asked 'me' to be friends, via friend request, I accepted. Most of them have been FB friends with me for atleast a year, if not more. I used to 'like' their things...their kids pictures, etc. But, they didn't reciprocate, it was one-sided. So, I stopped.

I get that some ppl never 'like' others pics, posts, etc. They are on FB, it seems, for themselves only. I don't expect anything from these type ppl, as I see their pattern. So, I don't take it personally.

BUT, and this is where my upset stems from. The neighbor friends I have, DO 'like or comment' on each others posts, comments, pictures. ALL EXCEPT FOR MINE.

Now, I don't post a lot of stuff. Especially, pictures of my kids. But, when I do, they are SILENT. Not one 'like' from them. Last week, I posted a 30 second video of my youngest breaking a board in tae kwon do, for the 1st time. Not ONE like from any neighbor. The other day, the guy across the street (who is one of those neighbors on my list) posted a comment that his high schooler made the soccer team. These neighbors I'm talking about, sad about, all replied & liked HIS post.

My kids and the kids of these ppl play together outside all the time. This high schooler is never out and the neighbors hardly even know him. One of the women who lives across street from me, my FB friend, her 3 youngest kids are at my house ALL THE TIME. We feed them, let them inside for hours to play video games, take them places with us, treat them to fast food when we have them out with us, we pet sit OFTEN for them-for FREE. That's a funny story in itself-so if they are all going out of town, the mom will literally send the 'kids' over (not her, or no text or call from HER) to ask if we can watch their guinea pig, hamsters, fish, etc. and I say yes! They then lug all these pets over to my house. I find this so strange that the mom has never once asked me herself! The only time she asked me herself is when she needed me to take care of their dog, in that case I needed a key to house,etc.

So, do you think this mother could ONCE 'like' a picture of the kids (my kids) that her kids are with ALL the time? NOTHING, she never has liked ONE thing on my wall. What about the other mom/neighbor in question? Her and hub know my boys....and SHE calls me often to ask me a question or whatnot. I am always nice to her! Just a month ago, I had baked bread and sent over a loaf to her. Do you think she could once participate on my FB page? NOPE.

I already feel like a social reject. But, this in my face, rejection, really hurts. I cannot help but see these things going on right on my FB feed. 'Sarah liked Crystal's post', 'Dana commented on Dawn's post'....etc. The crazy thing is, is that in one on one conversations with some of these ppl, they don't even like each other in real life! Then, why all the FB 'likes'? Why all the celebratory 'comments'? When you talk trash about them behind their backs?

I am sad. It's just so in my face, all the time, it seems. Anyone else experience this?

I just don't get it. Why ME? Why do they shun me so?

I really don't know. Perhaps you just don't fit in. I wouldn't rely on Facebook for social acceptance or validation. Most people on there seem to use it to brag about themselves, their children, post political nonsense, or tell everyone every last annoying detail of their daily lives.

And the constant selfies from grown adults are ridiculous, in my opinion. FB is not real socializing. It's just a way for people to be even more self-absorbed and narcissistic. I stopped going on there years ago.

You need to make friends with more worthy people. And those neighbors are taking advantage of you by constantly asking you to watch their pets. These are not good people!

I would unfriend them on facebook. They won't see it; your posts just will disappear from your news feed. The next time they need a pet sitter, I would say "I'm sorry, but it doesn't suit me this time." No explanation; you don't owe them one. If it doesn't suit you to pet sit, it doesn't suit. That is all they need to know. (And I would make sure it never suits. Like, you have a sock drawer to organize, every single time you are asked to host the gerbil. Lol.)

I would agree with Yigeren, facebook is very fickle and not a good way to socialize. I browse hubby's fb sometimes, but don't even have my own page. I am so socially inept that I don't trust myself with one. On my best days, I am only one or two lousy posts or comments away from being banned from my husband's page, which I am constantly aware of. If it is causing you this much stress, I would just quit facebook. Doesn't sound like it is worth it.

I would still be nice to the kids and not refuse to have them over--most likely they are not the main problem. But i'd send them home for lunch instead of feeding them anything more than maybe a light snack here and there.

These people are not your friends, I am sorry to say. They are using you. This is their problem, not yours; but unfortunately, you have to deal with it. I would draw very clear boundaries and stick with them. Keep things friendly but cool with them. And don't do anyone any favors anymore. They have you pegged for free handouts of food and pet sitting and sadly, are low enough to take advantage of it.

Just my 2 cents for what it's worth.

I don't think I fit in with my neighbors. They are all 'southern/GA' bred ppl and these ppl seem to have their very own specific social dance. And accent, which I do not have, being from south FL-a very diverse place.

The women have this southern drawl, which seems to become thicker when there are a group of them. They even have their own 'clique-y' way of the same type of dress attire and even similar hair styles. It's weird. I don't have a problem with this, per se', don't get me wrong. I just don't 'fit that persona'. And, I do not try to copy ppl, either. I am my own person. So, I would never try and 'fit in'.

The ppl here in GA are very nice, not complaining about that. Way nicer than down in PB county. lol. But, to have a load of friends here, don't think it'll happen. But, that's fine with me. I've never had many friends anywhere I've lived. It's just me.

What I have done, which helps me a little, is to adjust some FB settings. Today, I went to these specific neighbors profiles and changed them to RESTRICTED. This makes it so that they cannot see my wall postings anymore. They only can see what the public can see, and that is very very minimal, to almost nothing. This makes me feel better, than to UNfriend them. They would find out sooner or later, that I unfriended them. I don't need any more snubs or shuns from them, they live right around me....so I found a happy medium for now. Perhaps one day, I will get brave and just get rid of them.

In the meantime, I really wish more members on here replied to my threads. Right now, over 100 ppl have viewed this but only 2 have replied. Thank you, Yigeren and probly.an.aspie. I joined this forum for help and support, but so far, I feel like I am talking to myself. This is only my 3rd thread, my 2nd one barely had replies either. When you only get 2 or so replies and so many views, it makes you think twice before posting another thread. Before you know it, you stop visiting the forum.

Thanks.

That you don't post a lot of stuff, you may be viewed as not a "good" facebooker?

It's a hard call, whether the people are taking advantage of you with pet sitting or are just disorganized. I myself like guinea pigs a whole lot and would have a very hard time turning down that.

The person who always asks you questions, but sound like she may not reciprocate asking how you are doing? Some relationships kind of evolve in that direction, and I find it pretty dissatisfying, too.

I generally like the person's above advice of keeping things friendly but cool. And only doing the favors which work for you. For example, do your kids do the pet sitting and do they enjoy doing it?

sorry this is happening to you. i think you're getting good advice from other posters and tailoring it well to fit your situation.

See? It's funny. I was talking about how I've been kind & helpful to these ppl & nothing back.

Just tonight, the woman neighbor whom I gave fresh baked bread to, a few wks back & whom had never liked or commented on even ONE of my FB things, she texted me asking if I had red spray she could 'borrow'. I waited a good half hour to respond, took my sweet time. All I wrote back, was 'no'. I'm going to do what's healthy for me right now. And as probly.an.aspie said, I will become cool..but remain 'friendly'.

One thing that I do notice as a big difference between myself and these neighbors. They all seem to post only pictures of themselves and their children or they are bragging about something. That is not so much me. I am very hesitant to post pictures. If I do, I leave them up for a few days for my Louisiana family to see and then I delete them from my FB page completely. But I rarely post pictures and I never do selfie's either. My husband doesn't like pictures of our family out on the Internet. Most of what I am interested in on FB, are motivational quotes, and I 'like' or comment on a lot of different things that my relatives post.

So yeah my Facebook timeline and these neighbors' Facebook timeline are quite different in content.

I think your husband is smart not to want too many pics of family online. It sounds like these neighbors are just not your type of people. And that is ok. I spent a lot of years thinking I was unsuccessful if I was not liked by everybody. That also went hand in hand with worrying about what everybody thought of me. I would get upset by being disliked or slighted by people who were just not good people. Looking back, sometimes it was more of a compliment to be disliked by these folks than liked by them--at least depending on the reasons they disliked me. But I would allow myself to be upset by it. Now I am realizing that we don't have to be friends with everyone and that is ok, as long as we are courteous and kind to them...not everyone will hit it off with everyone else.

At that time in my life, I also did not have a good sense of who I was. I knew nothing about high functioning autism and thought all autistic people flapped their hands and lived in group care homes. I felt that I was different, but could not put my finger on why...and never thought I would have anything in common with anyone identified as autistic.

I looked to those around me for every single social cue because I had no inner sense of how to act in social situations...because I was so socially inept. I felt like if I could only copy other people, maybe I would fit in. Needless to say, that was not the answer.

As I looked to those around me for social cues, I also looked to those around me to define who I was, rather than knowing who I am, as a unique person. My special interests (art and music) had also been viewed as "nice, but not something that I should develop because there are far more useful avenues for my time and energy." So the things that I most identified with were belittled by my teachers and family even though they meant well. They thought they were trying to steer me in the right direction--not knowing they were destroying my sense of self.

Do you know who you are, as a unique person, with or without the approval of those around you? What direction is your life headed? What are your goals for your family? Your children? Your marriage? Yourself? Seems like in spending a lot of time being caught up in neighborhood drama and facebook, you likely are spending time and energy on things that don't last. In 20 yrs, the neighbor who snubbed your homemade bread but wants to borrow from you isn't probably going to be one of your friendships that will still matter.

My advice is to put your time and energy where it matters. Focus on your hubby, your kids, your hobbies that are special to you. If you don't have at least one, FIND one that you enjoy. If you like baking, do it for your enjoyment and your family's, not to give to neighbors who don't appreciate it anyway. Be the "little red hen" --remember the children's book where none of the animals wanted to help plant or harvest the wheat but they all wanted to eat the bread? At the end, the little red hen said, "NO! my chicks and I will eat the bread!" Be happy being YOU, be courteous to those around you but don't get caught up in their lives if they don't care about yours. Eat your homemade bread with your own chickies. I think the neighborhood drama will sort of take care of itself if you back away from it. Even if they gossip about you...who cares. They are going to gossip about someone, it sounds like. So what if it's you, as long as YOU are happy and taking care of your family.

Just my 2 cents. Now I must get back to taking care of my own chickies here.

If your neighbors talk about each other to you they probably talk about you to each other !

The fact that they are excluding you on Facebook just confirms this,
They won't like or comment because they know some other neighbor will see it, and they were probably talking negatively about you.

There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to get friends you can trust.

Good for you I'm glad you are taking the proper steps so that you are not taken advantage of or made miserable by these neighbors.

Yw
They are probably jealous of you for some reason, like maybe they think your husband is a hottie, or you are thinner than they are.