Why Is It Okay To Tease Your "Friends"?

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I don't understand it. I'm around people who take any sign of some kind of mess up and endlessly drill the person with jokes or something and endlessly tease the crap out of them but they still call each other friends. It doesn't seem like a very friendly thing to do. They gossip about each other when said person isn't around, they ditch them at the slightest problems with said person; how can people do this and have the gall to call each other friends?

I hear "It's just a joke relax" a lot.

They aren't real friends that's why. I remember grade school. There is such a thing as just teasing your friends though, without being malicious about it or talking shite behind their back. It's actually an enriching thing, learn to laugh at others and yourself.

I think what you're describing doesn't sound like they're real friends. I do tease my very close friends and get teased back, but we've known each other for years and we know what's okay and what isn't.

For instance, if someone gets something wrong, they will probably be called "stupid" or "dumbshit", when having the error pointed out to them.. at which point, everyone will laugh, including the person who was called the name, because it's just how we are. We share that type of humor and it makes us feel closer that we can speak that way to each other and it's not a big deal, because we know how we feel about each other.

As for talking behind each other's backs... I think that there is room for that when it comes to getting advice or needing to vent sometimes. I think we all need that occasionally. The important thing to remember is to be truthful and sincere when doing this, and to never say anything about that person that you would not say to that person... Because when it isn't sincere or helpful, and you're just being mean.. It's pretty rude and can even be harmful, depending on the extent of it.

I don't mind being teased, and I enjoy it from a real friend.. But I don't like being outright mocked.. There are certain things that people can make fun of that really get to me. But my close friends don't do that.

To be accepted as a friend, you have to show you're tough. If you can't take the teasing, you've lost.

I think for some people it's a way of showing they like each other's faults enough to be playful about it, too. Gossip and ditching each other seems like it's more mean-spirited.

I agree. When friends do this stuff it's all good-natured, there's not this backbiting and such going on. As for why it's done in the first place, it's a way of building trust. You can take these kind of little jabs in stride, and you know you're with people who accept you enough to allow you to make them too. That makes everyone feel more at ease.

I usually see this sort of behavior in men. Men seem to like to tease each other a lot, usually in a much harsher way than women might. I think the closer the relationship, the more teasing is probably appropriate. It depends on the type of teasing, though. If it's teasing about something that the other person is sensitive about, then it's not a good thing to do.

I tease a lot, but it's always a friendly sort of teasing. It's a way of being silly and showing affection. You never want to let it go too far, or to tease someone in such a way that it might hurt their feelings. I can take jokes at my expense, as long as they aren't mean-spirited or about things that really bother me about myself.

I can't really tell when it's mean-spirited and when it isn't, and I've learned to avoid teasing anyone, because, sooner or later, someone will reply in a way which is really hurtful to me.

I've never understood this either! I've noticed all my life that other people who are comfortable with each other seem to have permission to tease each other sometimes quite hurtfully -- or what I see as hurtful, at least, though they don't seem to. In fact the more venomous the teasing, the more they seem to like it and feel bonded and close to that person. In all my long years I still don't understand that.

Not long ago I was making the new acquaintance of an old classmate's family; she had teenage children. Not long after getting to know the family, the teenage girl aimed a few "teases" at me. I asked my friend, her mother, why she was suddenly saying these things to me, when I thought we liked each other.

My friend/her mother laughed and said "She's teasing you BECAUSE she likes you, silly!"

I'm still completely baffled.

I do get the feeling that my idea of liking and friendship is probably "overly sincere" for this world's usual standards. I'm a very earnest person and this teasing-because-I like you thing just doesn't make any sense to me.

I've had to find a way to take part in it, back when I was in the regular working world and found myself with a bunch of co-workers, and this was the only way to fit in. But I got a kind of fatigue from keeping it up, and my burning out on being able to either give it or receive it was part of what started to get me ostracized by people. (Clarification: I got burned out on trying to keep it up and think of anything to say, because I just couldn't be bothered in the end, and also got tired of keeping up a happy face when on the receiving end. )

Edited to clarify that I was running out of energy trying to take part in it, as well as running out of tolerance for receiving it.

Last edited by BirdInFlight on 03 Feb 2016, 9:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

I understand the ribbing between friends. I've never been a fan of it personally, but I think some good natured "ball-busting" among friends can be ok, so long as it stays between the lines and you can take what you dish out.

The gossip and going behind people's backs is not part of a real friendship whatsoever. A friendship is based chiefly on honesty, trust and loyalty (at least in my world). I'll never say anything to someone behind their backs that I will not say directly to their faces. Friend or not. It's cowardice to do otherwise.

But as I say, I was never ok with it mostly. There are certain subjects, quite a few actually, that would incite a physical altercation with me should they be poked at. I am very high on respect. Both in it's typical sense, and it's more street sense. So certain things are out of bounds for me. Which is why I often don't get along with too many alpha-male types or anyone overly masculine. I think it does boil down to a masculine challenge of sorts that I never fully understood. It's the only logic I can place on it. To me it feels disrespectful if I've shared personal stories or struggles with you only to have them be made a public spectacle.

It is sort of a guy thing. I think it's one socially acceptable way for us to show some vulnerability around each other.



That's crossing a line, and if someone does that you need to clearly establish boundaries. That's a "dude, not cool" sort of situation.

I think one gets a sense of what type of teasing is appropriate, and what is appropriate to tease about, only after getting to know someone well.

I take my cues from their behavior. If a person does a lot of teasing, makes jokes at their own expense, and generally had a good sense of humor, then that person generally will take teasing as a form of endearment and find it amusing. But making fun of someone for something that you know bothers them is always a bad idea.

I generally only tease the people in my life that I know very well.