Not even getting along with ppl w/ similar interests

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This is something that has been a major frustration for me when looking for kindred spirits.
On recommendation of my mother, about 8 years ago, I decided to look for kindred spirits and potential friends by joining up with special interest clubs. There was a field biology/nature lovers group, there was a language course, I would even put the monthly autistic meet-up I joined around the same time in this category. But nowhere did I actually meet anyone who seemed all that interested in striking up a friendship. In the end, it all didn't lead to much of anything. Ever since, I've been even more frustrated about my ability to interact with others than I was before. It felt like "if not there, not anywhere". It has caused me to, on one hand, take more refuge into a life as a "social recluse", and on the other hand, to spend more time on online communities like message boards, because at least there I have pleasant interactions.

Two attempts to connect to people with similar interests and a similar demeanor in the recent past, also led to nothing, which is okay; but it's further added to the frustration.
It has caused me to, even more often than in the past, NOT reach out and try to make a connection with someone, for the very fear of rejection.

Has anyone had similar experience?

Well sort of but also not quite, I do very much struggle relating to people with the same interests because for example:

I like Naruto because of the sentiment and moments I relate to and outcast characters.

NT fanboys/fangirls like Naruto because of how "cool" or "Hot" characters are.

I love DC comics due to the dark tones and tortured souls and relate to the likes of The Question and Huntress and Deadshot as they struggle in life to find satisfaction even when they have supposedly found their calling and are always in darkness and despair even when finally realising thier dreams. I love the whole immersiveness of it all.

Other comic fans like comics due to how "Badass" a character is ect ect

Well just my experience anyway, not quite the same I know but I understand struggling even with people you'd hope would be on the same wave length as you.

I haven't had a friend since I was a teenager. I don't even know how to make friends. I think that I have missed important social cues that would have led to friendships. Perhaps the same is true for you.

CyclopsSummers, were these autistic people with the same interests? Or were they not autistic? I have some thoughts depending on which it is.

The biggest cue is someone asking you to do something with them, or coming to talk to you about something personal. Denying them that repeatedly indicates a lack of interest in friendship even if you may not mean it as such.

I think my problem was that I did turn down invitations, and even when I didn't, I did not reciprocate by inviting people to go anywhere. Inviting people to go places is not something that I've ever done or would know how to do. And I turned down invitations either out of anxiety, or because the idea was not very interesting.

When I did have friends, they were dominant types, and so they controlled the relationship. I didn't have to make decisions or learn how to interact socially. I just followed them.

It's hard to find a good balance there, Yigeren. It's important that it's a reciprocal thing. I've been where you're describing too, and still kind of am. I'm really oversimplifying, but a lot of it really just comes down to be willing to give a little to get a little, and knowing how to ask that in return.

Story of my life.

I have noticed however a lot of friendships aren't based on similar interests at all but events, experiences, and similar views of the world.

However, shared interests is one of, if not the most important basis for a friendship.

If you don't have anything in common, what will you talk about? The weather?

Ugh.

If we find small talk boring, and don't share interests with anyone, it's lose-lose.

AJ, sorry for the late response. They were mainly non-autistic people, although there were also some people from the autistic monthly meet-up, as well as a guy I met at a social skills training class. I've suspected some folks I met (but not nearly all of them) to be on the spectrum or at least the Broader Autistic Phenotype. I tend to gravitate toward introverts.

I like writing, but I don't necessarily fit in with others who like writing. I usually like a different kind of writing from them, and I have trouble talking about writing with other people.

that was my experience until I found the square pegs aspie meetup group that just happened to have a critical mass of people on my wavelength. it was basically something I lucked into. if it weren't for them i'd be no different than I was 6 years ago.