Confused about this

Post Reply New Topic

If I tell my friend about my bad day and my friend says something like "I'm sorry about your bad day, mine was bad too" am I supposed to ask why? I often feel like, after I've given detail about my day, that the other person should feel free to give detail about their day. But when they don't freely offer that information, i feel like they are communicating "don't ask."

I'm confused. Any thoughts?

People who respond with "I'm sorry about your bad day, mine was bad too" (+ similar responds) when someone open up about how they feel, often here in my opinion they are turning the table around and making it about themselves instead, as "oh i'm sorry about your bad day, but look at me i am worse off, lets talk about me instead first"

Normally, I would think that if the person then opened up and spilled their guts and whined. But, in this situation, no detail was given.

Unless it meant, "Oh, shut up. Everyone has bad days." ???

To me, it depends upon the context and the tone of voice. That's part of being "social"--being able to determine a person's feelings through tone of voice.

Some people would really like it if, after you speak about your woes, you allowed them to speak about their woes, too. To these people, "it's only fair."

I would take the chance, and encourage her to "say her piece," too.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter what the precise meaning is, the overarching meaning is invalidation. When someone transitions the conversation in such a way all they're really saying is: I don't care about your day/feelings/etc.

She's being friendly and showing empathy. She's showing empathy by sympathising with your bad day..." I'm sorry about your bad day... "

That ^^^ bit means after you gave the details of why your day was bad she wanted to offer her sympathises/condolences etc

When she then says,"... Mine was bad too" she's indicating not only does she sympathise but can empathise as she's had a bad day too.
This is your cue to express sympathy by return and ask her to share why her day was bad.

She won't automatically tell you, even tho you were discussing your own bad day just before, because she's waiting for your permission to offload. That permission is obtained by you saying something like, "oh no, I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day too! What happened?"

She isn't freely offering the information because she needs your permission to begin. By giving permission you show a reciprocal interest that she needs to hear before she will start.
If the appropriate response isn't offered, she will assume you're not interested in hearing it and won't say anything.

Some friends do barge on ahead and tell you anyway without waiting for the cues but usually they're very close friends for that to happen.
Permission is only sought out by those that are being polite.

I think the best option then is to say "Do you want to talk about your bad day?".