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LimboMan
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Joined: 24 Feb 2016
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Posts: 138
Location: England

05 Mar 2016, 1:42 pm

I have really struggled to have close friends in my life, and never really had what one would call a best friend, and now its starting to take its toll on me. I feel I'm good getting to know people on a acquaintance level (ie. people on my course and people I often see around my college) but I seriously lack socially outside of school. I've struggled from taking someone I know to be an acquaintance of mine to a friend. I don't initiate social situations usually, and when I have in the past it seems people are mysteriously busy when I ask them if I want to hang out with them.
I've found holidays and breaks quite miserable throughout school because I am always by myself. But I've been about in public settings more to reduce anxiety about being in public, but its always me by myself observing other people in groups and enjoying themselves.
One of my biggest problems is the anxiety I have in social situations. In school, I feel more comfortable as there's form of structure there and I know when I'll be coming back and exactly what I'll be doing. But if I don't know when I'm coming back I get really anxious and think something bad might happen to me. Although I enjoy my own company, I feel I'm changing slightly and want to be in the company with others more, but I don't know how to do it so I feel comfortable. I don't know how to make the transition from acquaintance to friend.

Anyone have experienced something similar or have any advice? I'd be grateful for any please.

Thanks


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Diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (mildly)


Beau
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07 Mar 2016, 10:46 pm

Hey LimboMan.

Since you're in college, how about asking an acquaintance whether he/she wants to study with you at the library or work on an assignment together? After a few study sessions, you can ask whether he/she would be interested in getting lunch or dinner either on/off campus. From there, you can ask them general questions (what shows do you like to watch, what orgs are you involved in, what do you like to do on the weekends etc) to learn more about who they are, and hopefully, you'll start hanging out with them outside of school. Eventually, given enough time, you'll become friends.


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BetweenTheBars
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07 Mar 2016, 11:38 pm

Definitely been in a similar boat dude, though it seems by slightly different reasons. I always had the conversation parts down but deal with a lot of sensory stuff. So for me the hard part was dorming when I was in college.

I'm sure it's painfully cliché advise, but sometimes it's best not to overthink and let it happen naturally. People tend to gravitate to people of similar interests. So you can always work with that. Let it continue as you know each other more, and for hanging out outside of classes, find something to do that relates to the interest.

Hope this helps.



auntblabby
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13 Mar 2016, 3:29 am

for us aspies it is especially important to find people on our unique wavelength, our tribe as it were. I didn't find mine until my 5th decade of living, when I discovered the square pegs aspie meetup groups.