Married

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For those of you that are married.
Do you or did you go to couples counseling?

We've been once and both of us saw it as productive. I had already seen the therapist.

Also what issues are big in your married relationships?
What has been beneficial besides couples counseling.

Thanks.
Signature Still too old to know it all.

Hi, I've been married almost 19 years. We went to pre-marital counseling and had a few sessions soon after being married just to help with some transition stuff.

We went through a tough time 8-10 years into our marriage. I wanted to go to counseling, but my husband balked. It was mostly a money thing (I think.) We ended up just toughing it out and got through it, but counseling would have been very helpful, I think.

Money has always been an issue, and we are generally agreed upon it. But when there is not enough money to go around, there is always plenty of blame to go around to make up for it. You really have to keep a watch on that because, at least with us, neither one of us was at FAULT for the money problems.

Sex can be a big issue. That is just something that has to be worked out by each individual couple.

Raising kids can be a big issue. It is very important that the parents agree on discipline and the overall approach to parenting and the goals for their children.

Relationships with in-laws can be an issue.

Agreement in religion is important. (Some couples agree to be different in this matter, but arguments about it are a problem.) Also, in relation to this, if the couple is religious, they should be in agreement in how much time & money should be devoted to their church, etc.

Most of these issues should be addressed before marriage to make sure the couple is compatible and reduce the chances of major problems during marriage. Counseling is helpful during marriage when the couple goes through a tough time. Sometimes the stress of life can cause the strongest marriage to wear thin.

Having friends is very helpful. Just to get out and see some other faces, whether separately or together. Getting your mind off of problems.

Vacations together are helpful. They don't have to be expensive or long. Just time to GET AWAY from the stress, whatever it may be. Even a day trip is useful.

Also remember to have FUN together, even if it has to be scheduled. Play a board game. Watch a movie. Go on a hike. Go fishing. Whatever. Just something that is relaxing and fun and takes your mind off your troubles.

It is important to get a break and "escape" from problems in a healthy way. Escaping through alcohol or drugs or avoiding your family or having an affair is not healthy.

Thanks for posting
It's 16 for us.
My intellectualizing and not picking up on exact emotions and word meaning gets in the way.

Being specific
Time together
Being equally yoked in religion
Putting words to feelings all help