Any tips on holding a good conversation?

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FizzyOrange
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06 Mar 2016, 4:29 am

What do people normally talk about? Are there safe topics? How can I have a conversation without losing bits of myself? Like how can I incorporate my own interests and still hold a good conversation with others?

When I talk to people, I tend to get an eye roll or someone will just stop talking to me. This online as well as in person. So do you have any helpful tips to help me when conversing with someone?



kraftiekortie
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06 Mar 2016, 8:28 am

Fashion, for women, is always good.

Talking about your family, especially the kids, is good, too



FizzyOrange
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07 Mar 2016, 8:54 pm

Hate fashion.

Thanks for the tips.



kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 8:57 pm

I don't find you a particularly controversial person. What do you like to talk about?



Yigeren
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07 Mar 2016, 9:33 pm

Small talk:

1. Talk about the weather.

2. Talk about current events.

3. Ask people about what's going on in their lives. People will usually be happy to talk about themselves for a bit. Then they will usually ask you about what you are doing.

Then, when small talk is over with, you can casually mention your interests, as long as they aren't too controversial. But don't go into too much detail! It's a very common aspie mistake. I do it all the time. And NTs do find it to be odd. If they seem interested, you can go into slightly more detail, but try to watch for signs that they may be bored. Make sure that you stop yourself before you start to ramble on, and give them a chance to speak. If they change the subject, you'll know that they weren't that interested.

Most NTs aren't really deeply interested in things to the extent that we are, so they will want to talk about a wide variety of (often boring) topics. Well, the topics are usually boring to us, but not to them.



cathylynn
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07 Mar 2016, 9:38 pm

i use "the fine art of small talk" by debra fine. has lists of questions to ask that you can put on a notecard and carry with you.



FizzyOrange
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08 Mar 2016, 12:11 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't find you a particularly controversial person. What do you like to talk about?


But I want to be. I wish I was. I think a lot and just wish I could have that type of conversation with people.

Most my conversations are complaints. They are also one sided most of the time.

TV. Life. And then I'm not sure. I just know I don't like fashion. It's like, "Oh. There's clothes. Oh, some are cute. Where's a cupcake?"

Also, I seem to come off wrong. Like people think I'm short or uninterested. Or boring. Or just say something wrong.

I really don't know how to be. I don't have many conversations and I'm not even quite sure how to have one. It's frustrating.

@Yiergen:

I understand some of those. I can do small talk up to a certain point. I also give too much detail once there is a bit of...trust or a moment to do so.

So is small talk all there is? What about deeper conversations that like best friends have? (Not that I have one. Haven't had one in a very long time.) Or people you see on a regular basis?

I also wonder how to be myself around people or do that in the form of conversation? I feel like I'm alone, really, because I can't truly talk to people. Sometimes I can express what I'm having trouble with, but then it seems like everything else is just...something I don't know or get.

My psychologist said to learn just by doing. I do converse frequently with people yet experience the same results.



kraftiekortie
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08 Mar 2016, 6:27 pm

LOL....I'm sure you could find somebody to talk about politics with. Very easily.

You can talk to me about whatever you want to talk about. And you can talk to other people on WP on these subjects.

The thing is: in real life, you have to get beyond the superficial. People are, by nature, cautious. Once you get to know somebody, and that somebody trusts you, you can talk about anything under the sun.