You do so well

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I hate it when people say "you do so well" to me.

It doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm a mess. What would I be like if I wasn't doing well? Staying in bed curled up in a ball?

Platitudes are stupid.

Yes, sometimes platitudes are, indeed, stupid.

But if there's truth in the platitudes, I don't see anything wrong with them.

It also depends on who says "You do so well." At times, it can be construed as condescending. At other times, it can be construed as a statement of admiration.

All in all, like most things, it depends on the context. Once people learn that it depends on the context, things begin to become clearer and make more sense.

I agree. People say my social skills are fine, after I get distressed for feeling isolated and it begs the question, if they are fine, then why am I being excluded from your conversations lol.

^^Yes, it does depend very much on the context.

The times that it really does irritate me is when 'doing so well' seems to imply 'How nice that you compensated for your autism well enough not to inconvenience me.' Whether "I" am actually doing well seems disregarded (ask me if you want to know!), it seems to be more about whether my behaviour is perceived as making life easier or harder for the person saying the platitude. That's a harsh reading of the situation maybe, but it happens so often to me that I find it hard not to react this way.

As someone diagnosed late in life, this feels like a Catch-22 very often. If I concentrate really hard and exhaust myself every day doing my best to 'pass for normal', I risk being accused of not really being autistic, or if I'm lucky, a pat on the head like a good little puppy. OTOH, if I allow my autistic traits out in public then I am accused of not trying hard enough because I didn't used to 'inconvenience' people so much before I was diagnosed.

Ironically, this means you need to develop your social skills.

If you had better social skills you would be able to politely convey that this bothers you, and they wouldn't do it anymore. You might even steer the conversation to things that interest you from the very beginning.

Is it really me that really needs this, or is it the case, yet again, of me having to do a load of extra hard work for the convenience of everyone else?

I've spent 45 years doing my best to 'pass for normal' - I'm worn out by it, and my head feels just about as crammed full of nonsensical (to me) social mores as it has the capacity for. After years of group therapy and social skills courses, it seems that I've learned about as many tricks as this old dog is capable of learning. After that amount of time, I'm tired of the 'law of diminishing returns' as far as learning social skills goes and I'm sick of being the person in social situations who always has to make up for the shortfall in mutual understanding. I'm starting to work more from the opposite angle - that what I need to do is to educate the people around me about their lack of 'autistic social skills', and let them pick up a bit of the slack for a change.

No I think even NTs are polite enough not to correct every little platitude that comes their way. I dont think it's about social skills at all.

After reading a few comments I think I feel a bit more at peace with this platitude. So, I haven't completely withdrawn from society and I nanage to hold down a full time job. I guess that is "doing well" bearing in mind how I feel about life and how stressed I get dealing with people.