False offers of friendship (and false friends)

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I can't recall ever having to have dealt with someone who professed to be my friend but really wasn't, but I have in my time recieved several false offers of friendship, which were immediately refuted based upon what I had observed of the character of the individual.
I am not very certain how likely you are to believe a false offer of friendship or social cue to be a true one, but be certain look out for various signs.
That is all I have to say, since I felt that this topic was needed.
Last semester I took a class on Social/Personal skills and this topic, surprisingly, is one thing that for some reason wasn't covered, although I would like to have heard some empirical and hypothetical examples of said phenomena.

(I'd just like to add that I edited this post about three times before I got the grammar and spelling right, and even then, there are likely a few errors, so please feel free to point them out.)

Other times in my life people have pretended to be my friend, but really. When they tried to give him something to have the friendship or just use me for stuff.

Every time in my life so far when I thought I had a friend they showed themselves to be false. Unfortunately I have been thus conditioned to be mistrusting of everyone until I can trust them. Staci is the only person who I can say I truly trust 100% She's a friend I met online ages ago and we have been really close forever.

I had a few friends who only talked bad about me and used me for thier own stupid pleasure.But I don't tal kto them anymore and I have real,true palz that I can talk to.

The most painful thing for me has been when I've gotten involved with someone online, who declares she loves me more than anything...

...and as soon as we meet in person, she decides that while I may be a good "big brother" or "teddy bear", she couldn't POSSIBLY love me. I'm just "not the right type" for her.

If you choose to meet someone online.. that's a risk you're going to have to be willing to take. It happens alot, as you haven't met them in person, you could fall in love with someone who you think is totally different on the net.

And Real life is moving that commitment stage up one notch, and some people don't want that, are afraid of it. I'm speaking from my own experience.

Anyway

Yeah, people have given me false cues of friendship, It happens more often than not.

It has made me wary of people and cannot trust them easily.

I have a rule in my life anyways

Rules of life, chapter 6: Trust
Trust no-one. Let them earn trust, not be granted it by some divine right.
This rule does not apply to people who have previously proven trustworthy then lost conctact.

Do not trust anyone, should be one of the golden rules.

Pizzaboss, there's a Russian proverb that pretty much fits what you said. It's "trust, but verify first".

Da, that is the souce for my rule

I think everyone has had so called false friends, I'm friends with someone right now i meet over the internet at the time my ex was breaking up with me about 2 years ago and ever since she has done nothing but used me for her own personal ventalation system. Even though it feels like she is abusing my friendship I cant get away from it, almost as if i enjoy it.

I know i've had problems with friendships because i've always expected people to be good friends and actually care about each other or I'd rather not be friends with them at all. I dont know if many people with social problems have the same expectations as me but I feel it might be common.

In junior high school I ran into a situation where I had people who wanted to be my friend but had no real intention of being a friend.

7th grade architecture class, 5th hour, winter & spring 1993 - I was assigned at a table with three other people, Jesse F. whom I went to grade school with, the other two were members of the upper most social class at my school. Eric V. and Levi W. Also in the class was a third person Andy F., who caused me a great deal of trouble in another class I had him in, and who took the liberty one day back in October 1992 to immiate Spot the Dog (a dalmation who was the mascot of Team Behm automotive, which ran commericals on local TV during that period), and bite me on my right shoulder, tearing my shirt and drawing blood, and two people, Shawn H. and Eric M., who could best be described as F*@%#d up, along with the other people in class.

Anyway, as this class progressed, I didn't get bullied, Andy F. took care of the bulling, and most of it was aimed at Eric M. He would do things like put duco cement on his seat or vandalize his models with a T-square. But this was mainly because Eric V. and Levi W. had warmed up to me and wanted to include me into their inner circle of friends.

Initially I bought into it as it was acceptance for me which was something I had not recieved up to that point in junior high school. But in order for them to accept me, I found myself having to do all kinds of things.

For instance, they wanted me to vandalize one of Eric M's models. I decided as a whole this was something I should do as I had seen Andy F. smash a model of his with a T-square. My chance was now upon me. One day I was the first one into the class room, would I do it? I was a ball of nerves as I approached it on the storage shelf with the T-square. I simply couldn't do it. Instead I took out my pencil and knocked out the windows in his house model, something minor to fix, but worthy of respect.

I walked away all gidy, feeling like a million bucks. Of course Eric M saw the windows knocked out, and knowing it was me, he came up to me and said he would be waiting for me outside after school. Initially I was frigthened, but after some analytical processing, I concluded his threat was an empty one. End of school came that day, and sure enough, he was no where to be seen.

Eric and Levi wanted me to move on to bigger and better things, their next plan was for me to pull the fire alarm in school. Such an act could have gotten me a serious fine from the police. Again, the chance came for me to do so, but this time I decided it was probably better not to do so.

Eric and Levi were dissapointed in me, but they gave me a chance to make up for it. They wanted me to light off a fire cracker in the school cafeteria duing "A" lunch. But in between them wanting me to do so, and my plan to execute doing so, I got an inside glimps of their minds. One day during work time in class, they were talking to me about other people I knew from my classes. I mentioned a person named John A. whom I also went to grade school with. In many respects, he was a lot like me. The only difference was that he was NT and had just never found his calling in grade school. Eric and Levi had pulled him also into their inner circle, and they both told me about how stupid they thought he was and how they had gotten him to do the things they wanted me to do and how they had gotten him hooked on smoking even though they themselves didn't smoke.

I realized listening to them talk about John A that I had been had by them. I decided that limiting contact with them was the best thing to do. Many more times that year in class they would try and get me to do things, but I never took the bait. I had learned my lesson before it was too late.

As for John A, well I confronted him one day at lunch to warn him about Levi and Eric and their intentions. I mentioned to him what they all were pulling. He didn't like hearing it one bit.

Your lying! I'm their friends! They like me for who I am, your just jealous of me.

Nothing like trying to take the wind out of the sails of an NT. For John though, he was at least smart enough not to get in too deep over his head.

Boy, did I go on that long?

Yeah, I have a similar problem. It's hard for me to see the different levels of friendship. In my mind you either are friends or you aren't. Also if you are frieds, it's a very close friendship.

Anyone want to be false friends with me? I'm not very good, but I'll try my best!

It just happened again today. Someone I've known for a very long time I guess is one of those false friends we're talking about here - she's always all "Hi, how are you?" and talking my ear off trying to be all "let's be best friends" but the minute I let my guard down, someone shows their true colors....it's all a game or a sick joke. I hate it. Today is her birthday and she told me yesterday not to tell anyone. Yesterday I bought her some flowers, a card and a small single serving size cake. I told her that I wanted her to have something for her birthday (I really didn't have the money to spare, but I couldn't see her get nothing for her birthday). Today, my boss said she was talking this person out to lunch for her birthday. My boss told me because she was doing this on my lunch break and wanted me to stay in the office to cover for her. It's okay but never in the five years that I've been here has my boss taken me out to lunch - oh well, it's okay because I'm not fond of my boss anyway. The thing is, when I finally got a lunch, the office had a party for her with cake and all. It was planned, I suppose but no one told me about it - I found out because I saw the clean-up after the fact. Even the Birthday girl was quiet about the whole thing. It hurts because I (once again) was starting to let my guard down and BAM, I'm fooled again!

I had a psychologist tell me that I was very paranoid and negative for not trusting people but I asked her how can a person trust others right away if they cannot read people enough to understand when they are being lied to or when a stranger is truly wanting to be your friend or not. I can never tell! I have been used so many times in my life you'd think I'd finally catch on, but no, I keep thinking somewhere in the world there's someone that really wants to get to know me and not just use me up.

I suppose I'll never learn

Oh well, I'll survive. The thing is, this person will never know how much she has hurt me.

why? don't we have a goldfish arsonist on these forums somewhere, looking for work

Cheer up, parties arnt all they r cracked up to be anyway.