Drawn to people with Borderline Personality?

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I can count the number of friends I've had in my life on one hand, but two of those friends have had Borderline Personality. One was in 8th grade (diagnosed) and was VERY erratic...one minute she hated me, one minute I was her best friend...she called me SEVERAL times a day, once we were on the phone not saying anything for 5 hours because she didn't want to hang up.

Now the only friend I've made at college I strongly suspect has BPD. She calls me several times a day, sometimes in the middle of the night...after we hang up she calls back to apologize for waking me up and to see if I'm mad at her. Today she called while I was in my dorm relaxing and said that she was at the bus stop and didn't feel like waiting for the bus. (Obviously she was telling me to come give her a ride, although we aren't really that close so I felt like that was a bit rude.)

Anyway, I'm miserable with directions so after 10 minutes of her telling me where she was and me telling her that her directions meant nothing to me, I said she should just come to my dorm. She said she would take the express and then hung up...I took this to mean she would end up taking the bus home. She showed up at my dorm (which I HATE, HATE HATE. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SHOW UP WITHOUT WARNING. I HATE THAT) and I was on the phone to my close friend who I had to hang up with. My BP(?) friend came in my room, and I was looking around for my GPS so I could give her a ride home and then get back home myself. I am in the process of packing up for the summer so my room was only slightly messier than usual but I know where I put certain items so I turned over a few shirts and papers and figured it wasn't in my room, and since I have lived here 9 months and I still get hopelessly lost around campus I refuse to go anywhere without it. Anyway she kept insisting on hanging out (there was no mention of this before) and then she kept saying she would help me pack, to which I declined. (How do you help someone else pack? Only they can know where things go and when they will be used, etc...) She then started playing with stuff in my room and pushing past me to walk around my room and lift things up to look for my GPS, even though I told her to STOP. I kept telling her there was nothing I can do (I know I sound like a jerk and I've reconciled myself to that, but I REALLY didn't want to go out anyway, since a) she asked kind of rudely, b) we aren't that close, and c) I hate having new additions like this to my schedule without time to prepare...also I couldn't find my GPS and I definitely could not get back without it so I wasn't taking that hit.) I'm pretty sure she got the not-so-subtle "hint", but she was insistent on hanging out.

The stress of her pushing past me and going through all my stuff even though I asked her to stop was making me start to panic and finally I started to melt down...she said Fine and left, saying something like "I guess I'm just this annoying friend" in kind of a hostile way to which I suppose I was supposed to reply that she wasn't, but I'm not into that sort of drama and I just needed to be alone and decompress so I just shook my head as she was leaving...although she called me a few minutes later after locating my car in the parking lot, just to tell me she looked in and saw that my GPS was there. She wasn't trying to be helpful...she was trying to make a point.

Anyway, long story short, since two of the 5 or 6 friends I've had in my life have been erratic like this, I'm wondering if it's something about being the opposite of everything autistic that draws me to Borderline Personalities...anyone else have any similar experiences or theories?

Wow. I've only had to deal with a couple of people
like that. Unfortunately, one was my mother, and
the other, a former lover. I just cringed inside when
I read about her just rummaging through your stuff.
I probably don't end up friends with this type, because
anyone not restricting my boundaries will very quickly
get the hint that they are unwanted - with a sharp kick,
if they don't take more subtle clues.

I think its possible. We can't read social situations very well, so when a BPD person comes along and acts rudely and thinking they are always in the right, socially, it would be easy for us to just assume they know what they are talking about better than us. But I've learned at this point not to tolerate rudeness---it used to be that I would blame myself whenever a socially awkward situation came or someone treated me like I was being rude--despite the fact that it is they that have too high of expectations and are being rude by expecting me to live up to them.

A girl I suspect has BPD started to lead me on romantically about a month or two ago. But she was at the same time trying to get back with her boyfriend unbeknownst to me. She got back with him and then treated me like I didn't exist (now shes broke up and acts like I am her best friend, but I simply stay away). Yes I know thats a common story, but her friends have told me about her other problems as well. She is VERY controlling of her friends and boyfriend, but soon vilifies them. Then acts like they are still friends. She twists things around---for instance I emailed her to ask if something was wrong because she had stopped talking to me, and she gave me this email back implying she was in an abusive relationship, that her boyfriend scared her, etc. Well that was a load of crap, she wore the pants in the relationship. She is emotionally manipulative and shows extreme variations of behavior.

I've learned to say NO! and never back down. When someone in my life steps out of line like that I just kick them to the curb and they are not allowed back in, no exceptions. I have more important things to do than deal with some losers drama.

I was definitely skeptical at 1st. But after reading the BDP wiki entry I can say that I've known people who fit the description.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder

People with bpd vary in the degree to which they suffer it.
I myself have certain of the traits mixed in with the AS....it kinda happens if you have an abusive background.
I think that too often those with the disorder are simply labelled as manipulative, when this is not always the case.

I was attracted to a guy who happened to have Borderline issues....it was a trainwreck of a relationship....He was very posessive and was always accusing me of "negativity" I have never fought so much with a person.....Huge blowouts would regularly happen....

I was in two relationships with individuals I'm certain were BPD,or something very similar.I spent far too much time intellectualizing their psychologies,almost to a codependant degree.I have a better appreciation for the concept of "boundaries" now,but it's nerve-rattling when you aren't able process behavior quick enough to react effectively and make wise decisions.

I have befriended a lot of BPD people as well, and I think it's because of my tendancy to just befriend anyone that seems to be an underdog or need a friend. BPD-affected persons without knowledge of their issues can be impossible to deal with at times. Sadly, I have had to end a few friendships because of BPD related problems. I still feel bad about it at times, but there's nothing you can do for someone if they don't want help. I had to find that out the hard way. I thought that with enough determination I could help others want to help themselves but I was naive to think so. Also someone with poor social skills (like me) can really make things worse because I don't know how to act most of the time. I barely even know how to maintain a friendship, but I'm trying!

Yes,that's true.I guess the term is inadvertant "enabling";"normal" people are not supposed to tolerate a BPD's bullsh*t,so they will be forced to confront their behavior.Myself,I would just try to hold my ground during a BPD fit,then retreat to formulate my next survival strategy.It was hopeless for all involved.

And I too tend towards underdogs and orphans.Sometimes it's gratifying,sometimes it opens up a world of sorrow.

I had a very good friend who had a borderline personality.

"had" as in past-tense?

every girl ive ever dated has had a mental disorder of some kind
of course thats only two people... so the odds arent that crazy
but i definitly feel as though unconsciously i gravitate towards women with issues
my first girlfriend had bipolar disorder which was bad but wasnt as bad because my mom also has bipolar so i knew how to handle her

my second girlfriend was a major drama queen she made stuff up to yell at me about and would flip out if i couldnt guess why she was angry at me
which was total BS because i dont play these stupid little mind games with anyone

and this girl i was talking to recently i just found out has bipolar as well
i would still go out with her though ifshe was more receptive to my advances

I've met girls like that, and there are alot, but they act like others have problems not them. There is no reason to play mind games, that is a rule that I have. I will NOT engage in games and do not tolerate others attempting them. I've had girls play them on me, and the first couple times it was hard and confusing, now I recognize the signs much better. I have no tolerance for it and if a girl is leading me on I will tell her straight up or end the friendship or contact. Breaking off relationships is not something I do with genuine people, because I need friends. But it is precisely because I need friends that I cannot spend time trying to develop friends with people that will waste my time and betray me. I also do not hit on women or make romantic advances, unless I know the person well enough and want to actually make a long term relationship with them.

One of my longest standing Friendships is with a guy who has ADD, and I used to know a girl through MSN who has Bipolar Disorder who used to flirt with me. But I ended up blocking and deleting her because she could get really moody at times, and when I say moody I mean that she would create drama.

Never knew somebody with Borderline though. I think that Aspies gravitate to people with these disorders and problems because they're different and more accepting in a way, and I don't think it's just people with disorders either, I noticed in one Topic I once created that most people here tended to be friends with somebody with some sort of contraversial aspect, whether it was drug addiction, or just a typical outsider.