Do you burn bridges a lot?

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Unfortunately I have. I had friends that either had severe problems with arguing (bordering on a personality disorder) or they just sensed I was a nice guy so they'd use me like a credit card until I cracked down on them, but then they'd just try again later. Not to say I don't have friends that I've kept, but it feels like I've burned more bridges that usual. I'd give them the silent treatment for months at a time, confront them directly and assertively, yet nothing worked. In the end I just had to cut 'em loose, and they STILL seemed hurt and baffled that I gave them up for adoption.

And I'll tell you in advance, don't say I was the problem, especially with the arguing one- people in that guy's own church walked up to me and congratulated me for putting up with him.

Don't treat your friends like dirt and they won't leave your **** high and dry. Why don't people get it? Or do they, themselves have some kind of disorder?

it's a common NT disorder
i've also burnt bridges using your methods
NT friends and family members all have this common problem
they don't act on their words
words and actions are totally separate things in their stupid little world
guess that's why the so called professional think we are to literal and can't unerstand the context we are living in
being an honest good person is considered a disease in this time and age

I burn my bridges all the time. My mother used to call it 'cutting off my own nose to spite my face". I didn't know it was part of AS, I always thought it was a personality defect as I was trained in AA.
AA used to tell me, "you are no different from anyone else" and "oh, you are just 'terminally' different, aren't you?" well, the PEOPLE in AA did, AA itself didn't.

if they only knew! how very different I was.

Merle

To be blunt I try not to get too close to people anymore. It saves them and me a lot of heartache. Accepting that we are "terminally unique" gives us challenges in this world, but no amount of feel good psychology is going to change the facts.

I have done some major bridge burning in the past, as well. Some people can drag you down so much it's not healthy. I really think it's best to get out of such "friendships".

I hope I will not have to do that again anymore, because it's much harder to make new friends when you're not going to school anymore.

Also, the few friends I have currently are great people, and I wouldn't want to miss them for the world.

^ Or if you go to my community college. It's not like going away to college, where nobody else knows anybody and people are likely to try befriending you; everybody already has their separate groups. I've yet to make a single new friend at school so far.


I've burned countless bridges for countless reasons, and the result is now having very few friends (or what I consider to be 'few' compared to others around me). I blame my inability to find decent friends. In every case I've either been used, or screwed over, one way or another.

I burn bridges alot, and btw, it is related to being on the spectrum.

I do it in a few ways. I react in a way that is not expected. I do argue, remember how we are prone to black/white feeling and can be unempathetic...yup it comes into play here. There is also a downside of being well informed. I have a habit to overlearn, so much to the point is I can be exclusionary to other viewpoints. Supposably the way I use language is often confronts people in a way they do not appreciate.

The fact is I am an information sponge, other people are not, which can lead me to be overly critical of others opinions. If anybody has seen the episode of big bang theory where sheldon is arguing with the comic book store clerk, well I am sheldon there usually, you are not going to get out of the conversation easily. There is a downside of being over-informed.

I mean I could go on, but the fact is I have burned my share of bridges. I have been trying to improve here though.

Last edited by starygrrl on 12 May 2009, 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have burned MANY my bridges with my childhood friends, and I have never looked back. It was a good thing for me. Now I do not have so many social obligations.

So frequently I get a bulk discount at Costco for Napalm.

If a "bridge" stands in the way of the truth, it is charcoal when i come around.

So, yeah, quite often.

I'm a jerk.

Actually, maybe not (probably though). I've figured it out:

I see someone that I'd like to get to know/get to like/get to like me, and so I work at it. Depending on who the person is it takes them a while to come around and start liking me (I'm charming in an awkward way). Once I'm sure they like me, my thinking is literally something like, "Okay, so I spent... what... three months trying to make you like me? Waste of time..." and so I begin acting like a jerk, and over time the person either drifts from me, or contact just stops dead.

My "theory" is proved further by the fact that the people who try to initiate friendships with me first generally last a lot longer, and turn out better, although... they do seem to deteriorate after a while.

My true friends have lasted though.

But, in short, yes, I've burned a lot of bridges. Regret a couple. Not many.

To tend to completely shut down to people for a few days at a time if they are too much to deal with, it's a coping mechanism. If people chose to not talk to me anymore because of this, then it's their problem, not mine. So i guess the answer is yes, i burn bridges a lot.

From what you described...it didn't seem like YOU were the one burning bridges.

If someone decides to behave in an objectionable manner when you've been nothing but nice to them...then they have burned a bridge to you, not the other way around.

I've stopped expecting too much, in order to avoid this - if I work with someone, or plan something with someone, and they don't live up to their end of the bargain, I tent to overreact, speak my mind, and then there's no going back. I get in a hurry to slam the door in their face before they slam it in mine, and there's nothing worse than feeling like I was exploited and let them get away with it. I don't understand how others can be so relaxed about agreements, I'm neurotic about upholding my end and live in terror of being yelled at in the way I can yell at others

i do it all the time unfortunelty. wish i didnt but who can mess with fate?

Its just hard to find good friend out there these days.