How to accept "un-forgiveness"

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What do you think made you do it?

Maybe the best thing to is to turn a new leaf. New online identity, new focus. Try not to do it again.

[quote="0_equals_true"]What do you think made you do it?

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I'm sure we have all done things that we are ashamed about.

Sometimes you have to let go of the guilt, especially if you can't do anything about it.

Regarding forgiveness it is about trust. Once bitten twice shy. Twice bitten means it will be hard for them to trust you again, unless you genuinely show that you have changed, which takes time. Maybe don't interact with them in a way that is even a factor.

Perhaps a break is better first, focus on other avenues. Time heals.

I don't need as much attention becuase I'm less dependent on people. However everyone seeks affirmation to some degree.

You need to seek affirmation in a positive way. Remember that no one is entitled to it, it has to be earned.

Regarding social skills, by far the most important thing to learn is about reciprocation.

Not everything regarding social skills can we mimic in real time, so you have to be smart and adaptive whilst being yourself. Understand it is a two way street.

Ok good luck.

We have all done things that we are ashamed of, but without doing them (and consequently learning from them) would we have the same knowledge and understanding that we currently have. It's easy to feel guilty, it's harder to move on and strive to be better.

Also, i suggest developing offline social skills rather than online social skills, it is more important than to know how to socially interact with a person face to face than just across the computer. Additionally, the internet is a big place, no need to return to people who no longer talk to you, just move on and try a new approach with other people.

There is one important side note for sending messages to people, nobody really likes being bombarded with messages. Maybe try to limit messages to one or two messages that are not too long before waiting for a reply. I have found that is always the best method when texting or any other text based chat system, especially when initiating a conversation.

[quote="lorkaan"]We have all done things that we are ashamed of, but without doing them (and consequently learning from them) would we have the same knowledge and understanding that we currently have. It's easy to feel guilty, it's harder to move on and strive to be better.

It's always hard if not painful when the other party/person does not want to accept your apology and forgive you in return. Also it's normal to feel like you aren't doing enough. None the less that is their problem. It sounds like you did your part to reach out.

13 years ago I had attempted to live independently away from my parents with two roommates who were quite experienced while I was not ready.
1. I had trouble picking up on certain things that needed to be done - Mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage etc.
2 I had issues with money management and budgeting - I had a spending problem and ended up bouncing several checks including on the utility bills which were under their names
3. I didn't tell either one of them about my autism due to the fear of them telling me that I need social services. Rather I let them assume that I was someone who was lazy and did not care.

Six years after I moved away, I had found then both on Facebook and I had attempted to message both of them and explain myself.
1. I tried to add one of them because I liked them and they blocked me.
2. The second one just ignored my message- I didn't get along with them due to a low tolerance and a tendency to be mean.

I was very hurt when that first roommate blocked me because I felt like I would never do enough to make up for the mess I caused. I wanted to be bitter return

On that second roommate who didn't forgive me on facebook, she was the one who was mean had low tolerance to things that I did.

You made a mistake and acting like a royal as*hole. I been there, plenty. I can't blame everything on autism or my other disorders. I'm an adult and have to take responsibility. So here's what you do.

First, you forgive yourself. You say to yourself 'I messed up'. This won't happen over night. It may take months, years. You may never fully heal, but you need to learn how to accept you screwed up and move on.

Second: You aren't owed anything. You are not owed forgiveness. You are not owed a person's time or their ear. If they don't want to give it to you they may never. So if you come across a person who turns their back on you and doesn't want to make amends then you can at least say you tried.

Lastly, you learn to rebuild yourself. Become a better person. Don't tell outrageous lies, but I'm sure you know better by now. Anyways. All of that is important. Learn it, live it, love it. You have a black mark on you and it won't go away. When you can accept it you'll feel better. You didn't do the diddle that can't be undone. You didn't kill anyone. You just acted stupidly. Everyone does that sometimes.

Don't beat yourself up, dude.