Being left out of gossip at work

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This may sound unusual coming from an Aspie, but I have the same interest in people as the average neurotypical does, and being part of a social circle means a lot to me.

But often things happen at work and I'm always the last to be told the gossip. I pick up on things through body language of people, but obviously body language can only tell you so much, so I still feel I don't know half of much of what is going on as everybody else does, simply because nobody tells me unless I ask, but then if I ask then people will think I'm being nosy. Maybe I am nosy, but who isn't? I've read somewhere that it's human nature to want to know what's going on between your work colleagues. I hate feeling like I'm outside the bubble.

There are about 80 workers where I work, and it seems that everybody knows all the gossip except me. But when people gossip they usually talk quietly (not to hide it from me, it's just a social standard to speak quietly when gossiping), and I'm a bit deaf so I can't hear.

I am not a grasser, if somebody tells me a secret that secret is safe with me. So it's not like I'm known to grass or blab things out to the whole world.

This is why I hate being me. I hate being excluded from stuff that goes on at work. I like to feel part of it, social-wise. Only a couple of people there tell me things, otherwise I don't know anything.

I don't know why, I just find people interesting. I don't want to know about their personal lives, but stuff that goes on within the workplace and gets around, I like to know. It just makes work life more interesting.

Does anyone feel like this?
And don't say "it's because nobody likes you". I find that piece of advice offensive and undignifying.

I know what you mean. I'm left out of gossip on my job, too.

It's because people form cliques based on some mutual interest--like the lottery, for example.

It's good to know the latest gossip sometimes--but I don't go out of my way to get the latest "dirt."

I'm usually left out and that's how I like it. People sometimes tell me that others are gossiping about me which I hate. I'd rather not know, because what can I do about it? People are so strange to me.

I'm the opposite - I dislike gossiping, and when someone starts this up with me, it feels dirty. And it lowers my opinion of the person doing it. If someone was having a specific problem with someone else and needed advice or someone to listen, I don't see that as gossip. But when all the politicking and talking behind people's backs about their business or character comes into it, I just check out.

I used to get left out too until I started asking the person who was nicest to me what was going on. I made sure to never repeat it either.

Here is how you get in the gossip. first either ask what's up with a situation or ask if what you assume is up is actually up. You have better luck with an assumption and telling them what you think because they will feel a need to correct it. Then try and notice things about that situation and when you either overhear something or suspect or notice something go back to the one you talked to and tell her.

You can't talk about other peoples business with everyone or you get labeled a Bournemouth. You pick one gossip buddy who likes to talk and when you find out something you tell her she will tell you things too but at first you will have to ask.

Honestly the best way is to figure out who likes to gossip and who most people talk to. Do not pick the biggest gossip lady there though. You want maybe the second biggest. The one people don't notice. And then you snoop and eavesdrop until you hear something. Then you tell her. Phrase it like "I never gossiping I just overheard something and I just cant believe it! I wish my friend (insert made up name) wasn't so busy with (insert life busy event like school, wedding, baby) because she knows nobody here and I talk to her. I'm going to have to buy a diary for this now!" And she will ask you what it is. Don't tell her then. Say youshouldnt. That you hate it when people gossip. Make her promise not to say anything or think bad of you. Then tell her. Make sure you ask her what she thinks about it. Ask her if she knows anything about this person or that. Ask about details or whatever. Not too much, just a couple questions. See how she acts. Then tell her thanks for listening and walk away and don't say more about it. The next week either tell or ask her something. Make sure you speak to her every day. Hey how you doing, etc. Give her something onyou too. Something not too. Private that you don't mind getting. Out. You have to do this so she trusts you.

The more you can snoop and find out or put together and tell her the more she trusts you and will tell you. Crazy i know. But it's how that works.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Maybe because they are NT and you're not? Although I wish I was in the same position. Gossip bores the hell out of me, seeing people bi tch about others and then seeing them being nice to that same person just makes me think people are 2 faced so and so's.

You don't need to be around people who gossip because
1. Most of the time gossip is a form of lying and badmouthing other people
2. Gossip is also unethical in most work place environment

So it's a blessing in disguise. Also There are other ways to spend your time as well. For instance you said you are interested in people. Have you ever looked at studying psychology or sociology? They have lots of free courses online.