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Summer_Twilight
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12 Jun 2016, 7:31 am

Hi:
I have a close friend who also has Asperger's like myself. He seems to keep running into issues with another friend who appears to keep leading him around about getting together and attending my friend's things.

He keeps telling him "We need to get together and do such and such," but when it boils right down to it he always comes up with these excuses and lets my friend down every time.

Last week he put 'Yes' down on my friend's invite for a housewarming and pool party this weekend and never called him or showed up. So my friend called him and he got nothing but excuses about being too busy doing this and that.

I keep asking my friend "Why do you put up with him?" He tells me that he is lonely and reaches out everyone who he knows because he doesn't have lots of friends. I feel that it's not worth it keep feeling disappointed.

I suggested that he confront this other friend and tell him that maybe this is a sign that they just aren't a good fit and that he just isn't reliable. He picked up the phone and texted him and said "You missed my party." In the mean time another close friend pf his told me that my response wasn't appropriate. His suggestion was to have my friend acknowledge that the other guy is flaky and that he seems to have other problems of his own.

I am worried about my friend getting hurt and I want to ask if there are any other suggestions for my friend in learning to stand up for himself along with protect himself.



DataB4
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12 Jun 2016, 2:31 pm

I make these sorts of social blunder's all the time, so maybe I'm not the right person to ask. But if it were me and my friend, I would say something like, "I totally understand that you're really busy but still want to hang out. Let me know when you're free to do something."

If the issue is that he is RSVPing for stuff he doesn't do, I would say something like, "I know that things happen sometimes. Next time though, if you think you might not be able to come, would you please give me a heads up?"

Not sure that I'm saying the perfect thing, but I figure that it can't be much worse than ignoring the situation and not having a friendship.



Summer_Twilight
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12 Jun 2016, 6:49 pm

Thank you.

I have one more question. Last Labor Day weekend my friend was invited by this unreliable friend to a convention that I normally attend year in and year out. This was because my friend had just lost his job and was pretty blue so he invited him to attend.

When my friend arrived, his friend appeared to ditch him because he had already made plans to play a game with his brother and their friends. So my friend was left to walk around the convention with another friend of ours.

He also promised to play D&D with us later that night but ended up bailing because he found some panels that were more appealing.



the_phoenix
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12 Jun 2016, 7:31 pm

With unreliable friends like that,
who needs enemies?
What a waste of time.



Summer_Twilight
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12 Jun 2016, 8:58 pm

I could tell my friend was pretty sad after he got off the phone with him yesterday which is often the case.