How do you respond when people insult you unprovoked?

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Dreamsea
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12 Jun 2016, 11:39 pm

I mean when someone just calls you stupid or says something mean about your appearance out of the blue while you're just minding your own business. Or when they ask you embarrassing questions such as, "Why do you act so weird?", etc. I usually don't respond or I ask them why. Lately, I've been trying to say something back but it doesn't work. I prefer to give up and remain silent but things only get worse. I used to agree with the negative remarks and put myself down but that didn't work either...



tinky2
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13 Jun 2016, 12:10 am

I go silent and stop talking to that person. This is typically my reaction for either being extremely angry or confusion on an unprovoked attack.


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Dreamsea
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13 Jun 2016, 12:38 am

tinky2 wrote:
I go silent and stop talking to that person. This is typically my reaction for either being extremely angry or confusion on an unprovoked attack.


Do you stop talking to the person indefinitely? Or do you eventually start talking to them again after a while?

I used to try to answer rude questions but from now on I guess I'll remain silent with those too.



tinky2
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13 Jun 2016, 12:45 am

I slowly return back to talking to them and when the time feels right I bring up what occurred. If they are more civil this time around then we can talk. If they do not want to be civil then we have a bit of problem that needs to be discussed.


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Summer_Twilight
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13 Jun 2016, 5:08 am

I have two responses that you might use
1. One of them was learned from another aspie named Jennifer Otoole who has her own pod cast speaking geek. She said that when someone says something out of the blue you can say "Purple tuna fish."
2. I have learned to also say "Right" or "Right..."



Dreamsea
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13 Jun 2016, 2:13 pm

Okay. I will try saying "purple tuna fish" or "Okay." At this point I've given up on the socializing thing. So I know insults will be coming again very soon.



Summer_Twilight
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13 Jun 2016, 4:40 pm

I was running into the same problem with a group of people and you have to learn to avoid and ignore them.



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13 Jun 2016, 5:55 pm

...because I can ! ;o (This is only if you want a prolonged battle-of-wits with the aggressors)

Otherwise you should just pack up and go elsewhere. For some real annoyance factor, you can write articles about those types of people, and describe how they engage in hypocritical-behaviour. ;o

Back in my world you basically dealt with delinquents by taking them all on and single-handedly kicking all of their asses simultaneously. I probably would not recommend this for you unless you have mastered kung fu fighting (and I mean this on a level where you can even fight random people out on the streets and win).

"Then sue me for being this way if it gives you so much bother."
"The fool thinks himself wise whilst the wise man knows himself to be foolish."
"Objection! Plaintiff has engaged in libel and slander."

You could also bring headphones with you and drown out anything they might try to say.
For cases where they might try to get physical, have a handy recording device available, such as a camera from a phone or a tablet to start video-recording, then this can be used as evidence of harrassment. Let them know that they are being recorded and could be charged for a combination of libel and slander and harrassment if they continue to violate your right to liberty from oppression.

The law tends to get people's attention. Everybody seems to be afraid of lawyers for some reason. I should know... I have learned a hell of a lot about the law even to the point of making prosecutors nervous. Find out who their parents are and let their parents know that evidence has been collected and that they have been given a
warning.


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AnaHitori
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13 Jun 2016, 5:58 pm

I usually just give them a weird look.


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KimD
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13 Jun 2016, 6:08 pm

Dreamsea wrote:
I mean when someone just calls you stupid or says something mean about your appearance out of the blue while you're just minding your own business. Or when they ask you embarrassing questions such as, "Why do you act so weird?", etc. I usually don't respond or I ask them why. Lately, I've been trying to say something back but it doesn't work. I prefer to give up and remain silent but things only get worse. I used to agree with the negative remarks and put myself down but that didn't work either...


I don't really have an answer, but a question: where are you running into such juvenile fools at your age--and what age are they?



AJisHere
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13 Jun 2016, 7:26 pm

I'm partial to "f**k off".

Summer_Twilight wrote:
said that when someone says something out of the blue you can say "Purple tuna fish.


My great-grandmother would say "I had one, but the wheels fell off." Of course, she'd also say that when she couldn't think of what else to say. It was like a catchphrase.


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Fnord
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13 Jun 2016, 7:41 pm

I "ghost" them.


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Dreamsea
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13 Jun 2016, 10:48 pm

KimD wrote:
Dreamsea wrote:
I mean when someone just calls you stupid or says something mean about your appearance out of the blue while you're just minding your own business. Or when they ask you embarrassing questions such as, "Why do you act so weird?", etc. I usually don't respond or I ask them why. Lately, I've been trying to say something back but it doesn't work. I prefer to give up and remain silent but things only get worse. I used to agree with the negative remarks and put myself down but that didn't work either...


I don't really have an answer, but a question: where are you running into such juvenile fools at your age--and what age are they?


Work. The last person to bother me is 35 years old. Others have been in their 20s. Some of the bad stuff happened a few years ago. I have the most difficulty with social situations at work.

I can't wait to use the "purple tuna fish" phrase. Lol I'd also like to say "awkward turtle". Ha ha

Thanks for all of the responses everyone.



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14 Jun 2016, 3:38 am

i seem to be immune to "insults" and "praise."
"insult" i define as people saying things about me that define their ideas of my "shortcomings" in their opinion.
"praise" i define as people saying things about me that define their ideas of my "giftedness" (or excess ability) in their opinion.

it is only their ideas however. their ideas are whatever their brains concoct inside their heads, and there are 7 billion heads all with different ways of seeing things, so it all just melts away into the emotional colorlessness of white noise to me.

people almost never insult me and i just discount it as their useless observation it they do.

attempted insult:

i hired a person to cut up a fallen tree in my backyard and take it away a week ago. i do have a chain saw and i could have cut it up and dumped it into the "green waste" garbage bin over a number of weeks, but i could not be bothered because the person charged $300, and that was cheaper than my idea of the value of my time.

i said to him "yeah i decided to get someone else to do it because i couldn't be bothered to do it myself", and he said "mate, you wouldn't know a thing about it anyway. by the look of your hands, you've never done a hard day's work in your life"
i said "well i am lucky about that i guess, because even though i have never done a 'hard day's work', i am nevertheless in a position to pay for someone else to endure the bother for me"
he started to say something but i walked back inside and shut the back door and left him to it.
i then thought (after i got inside), "but you would be better at fingering a woman with those rough gnarly fingers of yours anyway" and i started to laugh but then i got back to what i was going to do.

when people praise me, i think they are either trying to suck up to me, or they think i need an infusion of self esteem, or that they just are not that smart to see that what i do is not exalt-able.
someone said to me a few weeks ago "wow, you must have a huge intelligence", and i thought "wow, how dim your view of intelligence must be" (but i did not say it).

what other people say is just a product of their brains, and their brains are hidden away inside their skulls, and my brain has no connection to theirs, so it is just like static on the radio if i acknowledge them.



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15 Jun 2016, 5:08 pm

That happens to me almost every day.
I usually say nothing because I can't (I have speech difficulties).
Then I go home and cry.


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Aspie202
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15 Jun 2016, 5:12 pm

Ignore the hater and move on. If it becomes really bad, I will have to start defending myself.


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