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Summer_Twilight
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02 Feb 2017, 1:20 pm

Hi:
I have a friend who is the president of a group for people with autism where the group is nominated by this little clique of Aspies who seem to dominate things. This next to this individual seeming to push the buttons of others on purpose while creating drama. For the love me this self-advocate and I do not get along at all.

Though the president of this group cannot stand this guy and thinks he is trouble, my friend has appeared to choose this guy over me. E.G- When I asked to join one of their public events, I was told to keep my distance because this self-advocate is kind of involved and that it's better for me to read their newsletters and their social media pages. It's not sitting well with me.

So I am unquestioning the type of friend that he is and considerating to cut him out of my life all together because he's not standing up for me. Rather, he's standing in the shadows



the_phoenix
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02 Feb 2017, 1:29 pm

Here's what jumps out at me.

You say you asked to join one of their public events.
Well, if it's public, it's open to everyone, right?
And that includes you.
So you have every right to show up,
regardless of if there's someone there you don't get along with.

On the other hand, you were told you were not wanted there.
Which hints that you could possibly be told to leave if you do show up?
Or if not, what's the worst that could happen?
And with all the above, do you even want to attend such an event at all?

Anyways, it seems to me you've been shown that
people in the club will not stand up for you.
You therefore can't count on them.

Simply points to consider.



Summer_Twilight
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02 Feb 2017, 1:52 pm

Outside of this group, he's expressed interested in getting together with me on one one doing other things. He had expressed getting together for a couple of anime conventions as well but after the way that he made it clear that I can't be part of this group, I am turned off to even getting together with him.



the_phoenix
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02 Feb 2017, 2:01 pm

I would say, just take some time to think about things.
Put him on the back burner, someone to do things with if
there's no one else and you have nothing better to do.
But I wouldn't cut him off completely, not just yet.
Burning bridges can come back to hurt you
more than it hurts him.



Summer_Twilight
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02 Feb 2017, 2:22 pm

Is there anything that I could say to him?



the_phoenix
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02 Feb 2017, 2:32 pm

There's a saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
There's another saying, "Silence is golden."

Sometimes, it's best to just disappear for a while ...
without saying a word. You don't owe him or anyone in the club an explanation.

Let them wonder.

Maybe he will come to you.

Anyways, taking a break from him and the club could be a cooling off period, so that when you do talk to him,
you will likely have a better perspective.

If it were me, I would concentrate right now on something else I enjoy.



Summer_Twilight
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02 Feb 2017, 3:39 pm

I just know that I don't really want to do anything with him for a while of he's going to pull this crap on me. I am not going to be treated like that.

Anyway, he and I both attend a meeting once a month for another event that we are putting on and I would like to know how to put my foot down next to studying for a big exam and get ready to return to school.

So far I have thought about saying politely that the next few months are going to be booked up solid with school and work.
What else could I say to hint "No" with sincerity but also not being too tactless?