About not missing anyone

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Hi.

Can anyone relate to this characteristic? I don't miss anyone except those people to whom I feel attracted as hell, but it's desire, not missing (I believe this could be some neurochemical dependence). I recently forgot I had a friend and suddenly he skyped me (after months) and we chatted.

It's cool, he's a fun guy but I don't miss him or anyone with whom I interact with during my lifetime. I can laugh, have a good time, not want to leave, but when I do, I don't feel the need to contact them or get back together.

Can anybody relate to this?
Thank you for your time

I don't know about that because I do miss those who were in my life at one point or another. Most of the time I seem to forget that they were a part of my life at one point as get on with my own life.
Example:
I had a falling out with a close friend two years ago and though I have my days where I miss her. Then I am finding that I have other days where the rejection and our relationship is the last thing on my mind. Rather I am too busy living today and not in the past.

It depends on the person, some I miss dearly, others I barely remember.

Dante, that sounds like many people I know. Just accept that they probably don't think about you either. Out of sight and out of mind.

I understand what you mean. That would be for casual encounters or making new friends and forgetting the older ones (that's not it I'm talking about, I might have not expressed myself well). I don't mind people not seeking after me or not thinking of me (I prefer it like this, although being memorable is somewhat important).

I don't miss people and I believed that to be a general autistic trait, so I posted this in order to find out if there is relatability.

Now I know it isn't correct to say ''general'' or ''majority''. I did some research, and there is people in the Autism Spectrum who can and do miss people a considerable amount.

I thank everyone for replying to me.

Spinelli, I like that phrase 'Out of sight and out of mind'. I'll ocasionally use it.

Peacefully,
Dante.

Sounds familiar - I'm the same way, and I'm alexithymic. I assumed the inability to "miss" people was connected to my apparent inability to have affection for them. That's not to say I don't regard people well or enjoy their company and wish only happiness for them because I do - I just don't have the emotional ability people often describe as affection, any kind of "warm fuzzy" that applies to certain people and not others. Many autistics are also alexithymic, you may want to research.

I have a similar experience to this. I am able to look at things with that rational, analytical aspie mind and go "not much to be done about it now, let's move on." However, if it's someone I'm currently in some sort of relationship with, I can miss them a great deal. I actually get a bit clingy.



On the other hand, I'm alexithymic to some extent and I do still have affection for people; but it is expressed differently than it would be for most NTs. I can get those "warm fuzzies", but it's hard to do.

I had an Aspie guy friend who told me that he never missed anyone. People he considered friends he never thought about until they were literally right in front of him. Out of sight, out of mind. He even said that he never missed or thought about his father who passed away several months earlier even though they had a great relationship. I have to say that it really bothered me even though I never told him this. I never let on to him that he was strange or anything for feeling like that, but I can't say how much it really bothered me to the point of making sure that I didn't become any closer to him because he was probably just going to forget about me anyway, so what did our friendship matter?

If I could quote everyone to answer this, I would.

Angela, YEAH. That's about it. That has given me quadruple trouble because there's people who miss me a lot whom I don't even remember having any connection or proper conversation with. They say I'm selfish, cold, frozen, blah blah blah. I'm not. I do enjoy some people's companies and want the best for them, I just don't miss them when they're gone.

Yes, I do have affection, although little and have the "warm fuzzies" although it is quite rare. Even the planets need to align for that to happen and I do enjoy when it does.

And Angela, if I see someone fun today or in 10 years, within my limits I'll enjoy their company the same way. I have that "good to see you" thing. Just not the "wish you were here".

I can only imagine how displeasing it would be for you to be friends with someone who doesn't miss you.

Hope you have good friends that indeed miss you and make you happy.

Peacefully.
Dante.

This is a common response, which is why so many alexithymic people "fake" everything. So people don't respond this way. I don't experience this kind of "out of sight, out of mind" amnesia your friend did - it's more of a lack of emotional longing. And though people will experience this differently, it is just that in many ways - different. Not less. For example I just sent a message to an acquaintance asking if they would like to meet up, because a comment made by someone else reminded me of them. I consider this person to be intelligent, interesting, good natured and one of the very few genuinely "nice" people I've met. Thus, the comment brought them to mind, and I thought it might be good meeting up again and hearing all about their studies and what they've been up to. We can meet up and chat and have a great time.
However I also have not spoken to this person for several months, and that has meant nothing to me. I have had no sense of loss, no emotional attachment to the idea of this person, to cause me any distress when they're not there. I have not "missed" them. Which does not mean I don't value their company when we're together and have no interest in friendship. It doesn't mean I would not help them out in any way I could if they asked me to.
It's that I have no perceivable emotional investment, no attachment, no "heart" in it.
And never have, for anyone in life. Which doesn't mean I don't value any of the people in it, or dislike them.
This is so damn hard to explain to someone of a normal emotional makeup !
My point is your friend may not have intended to relay that he cared nothing about you, was not interested in being friends, didn't value or enjoy your company, etc. It may have just been that the element of emotional dependency and attachment is missing. And it's not deliberate.

Exactly it!

I feel guilty about this, but I very seldom miss people. Many people I dread seeing, and I am often lonely, but I don't miss people. I have one friend who is going all the way across the US for at least a year. I have this vague feeling that I don't want him to go, but, if I follow my usual pattern, I won't miss him once he's gone. I've actually never thought about this before or recognized it in myself.
I think I miss times in my life and wish I could go back to them, but I can only think of one or two examples in which people have anything to do with it.

I thought I was broken before and that it was my fault that I wasn't able to feel like others. Now, with more knowledge and acceptance the guilt is mostly gone.

I understand well each thing you said. Mainly the "I won't miss him once he's gone". I do have this vague feeling of "I don't want this person to go" or "Wish I could stay here longer", but when I leave or they do, the feelings vanish too.

As some people said in this thread:

"Out of sight and out of mind".

Peacefully,
Dante.

I'm really glad you started this thread. It's important for me to think about, and it helps to know I'm not the only one.

I don't miss anyone either, no matter who they are. This is indeed an alexithymia thing, I've done a bit of research and also my non-autistic but alexithymic 13 year old brother says that he experiences the same thing. I talk to him more then I talk to anyone else, yet we were both indifferent to the others absence when I took a 5 day long trip to Idaho and he stayed home. I cannot think of a single instance in my life where I have missed anyone, and this is after I have moved 4 times, my parents divorced, and 2 of my siblings lived 150 miles away from me for over a year. Literally the only family member that I have not lived over 200 miles away from at some point is my 13 year old brother.

My entire immediate family with the exception of my dad is alexithymic to some extent, but my 13 year old brother and I seem to have it the worst.

One thing the Aspies told me over on AC was that time never changed how they saw and related to a person - they just picked right back up again where the relationship left off. That doesn't happen with me. With me, my feelings go away for someone after not hearing from them after a certain amount of time. If enough time goes by, I forget about them and consider the friendship/relationship over. The Aspies couldn't understand this and thought I was the weird one.

Like my one Aspie friend I was friends with for a solid 2 months texting did hours everyday - took me several months to not think of him after he stopped talking to me, but now I still have his picture on my computer and I feel nothing. If it wasn't for the picture, I would have forgotten him. Same with my Aspie friend that I exchanged gifts with - I have his picture, but feel nothing. My Aspie friend of 2 yrs I don't think about much now (over a year later) , but if something jogs my memory about him I just start crying uncontrollably. I don't understand why I can't just forget him like the others. Anyway, with any of those, I could never just pick up where the friendship left off. It would have to start pretty close from the bottom again. I don't know if this is making sense because I'm tired. I'm going to get some beauty rest.