Long time friends mad at me over stupid s**t

Page 1 of 1 [ 7 posts ] 

Noca
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,932
Location: Canada

11 Jul 2016, 9:43 pm

One long time friend (8 years, also an aspie) asked to borrow $200 from me because shes in $3k of debt. I told her I have my own bills, am on disability just like she is. She is like "i thought you are my friend?". I said " I am but i'm not a bank". Now shes doing the BS silent treatment. Why would I lend $200 which I'll never see back when I have over 3 times the debt she does?

Another friend of 7 years asks me if he was in "good shape" last time I saw him. I said "you were in alright shape". Apparently because I was honest and said he was in average shape and not whatever answer he was fishing for, he says "so you think I'm fat?". I said, "no you're not fat, you're not ripped and you're not fat, you are average". I said "I think you are cute, there is nothing wrong with you". Apparently this is insulting and somehow he thinks i think he's fat and isn't taking to me. Why the hell do you ask if you don't want my opinion?

I really can't be bothered with this nonsense. They know where to find me when they want to stop acting like babies and talk again.

If someone asks me a question they are going to get a straight forward answer. I am not going to feed them some load of bs just because that's what they want to hear. If they don't want my opinion, don't ask. Simple.

Anyone else come across nonsense like this in their friendships or in other areas of their life? How do you react? :|



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,224

12 Jul 2016, 7:51 am

It sounds like you did the right thing in terms of the your female friend. What you did with her was set boundaries and that's what she's mad at. So she is acting passive aggressive with you by ignoring you.

The second one sounds like he is rather insecure.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

12 Jul 2016, 8:27 pm

1) Tell Friend 1 that she should loan you $600 because you're three times more in debt than she is ... Okay, don't literally tell her that. Anyways, it's sad when friends make unrealistic expectations about other people's money. She wants the silent treatment? Go for it ... give her some space. If she's a real friend, she should come around.

2) You made me grimace, reminding me of a real similar situation, only far more public. See, I was meeting this TV star, and told this person as a compliment that they were one of the most unique characters. Well, the star became seriously offended and said, "You mean, I'm THE most unique character." I responded that no, in fact I meant exactly what I had originally said. The star was all huffy and upset ... and me being who I am (I have all the social skills of a Star Trek Q) ... well, I'm afraid at that point I made a comment which was not the most polite in the world, but boy was it funny. Things did not end well, but we silently both went our separate ways. The star shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. (I will say that the star was not a Q.) What I learned was that sometimes when you meet a favorite movie or TV star, you might end up disappointed to learn that they're not as nice as you thought. So think really hard about whether to meet them in the first place.

...



Noca
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,932
Location: Canada

12 Jul 2016, 10:40 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
1) Tell Friend 1 that she should loan you $600 because you're three times more in debt than she is ... Okay, don't literally tell her that. Anyways, it's sad when friends make unrealistic expectations about other people's money. She wants the silent treatment? Go for it ... give her some space. If she's a real friend, she should come around.

2) You made me grimace, reminding me of a real similar situation, only far more public. See, I was meeting this TV star, and told this person as a compliment that they were one of the most unique characters. Well, the star became seriously offended and said, "You mean, I'm THE most unique character." I responded that no, in fact I meant exactly what I had originally said. The star was all huffy and upset ... and me being who I am (I have all the social skills of a Star Trek Q) ... well, I'm afraid at that point I made a comment which was not the most polite in the world, but boy was it funny. Things did not end well, but we silently both went our separate ways. The star shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. (I will say that the star was not a Q.) What I learned was that sometimes when you meet a favorite movie or TV star, you might end up disappointed to learn that they're not as nice as you thought. So think really hard about whether to meet them in the first place.

...

They all come back eventually sometimes months later. My email/skype has been the same since 2003 so it isn't like I make myself hard to find. It just sucks having next to no one to talk to in the meantime during my already boring isolated life.

When I read your story I kept picturing thr actor who played Q as the one you were talking about lol.



Noca
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,932
Location: Canada

12 Jul 2016, 10:43 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It sounds like you did the right thing in terms of the your female friend. What you did with her was set boundaries and that's what she's mad at. So she is acting passive aggressive with you by ignoring you.

The second one sounds like he is rather insecure.

I would usually let others overstep boundaries but I watched enough Judge Judy episodes to know whatever money you lend out likely will never be returned and youll only end up the bad guy regardless, so I figured I would just say No rather than be taken advantage of.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,224

13 Jul 2016, 7:33 am

I liked the show "Justice for All with Christina Perez," which is the same thing where two people settle matters in small claims court. So I know where you are coming from.

She just sounds like someone who likes to manipulate others into doing what she wants and is mad because you saw through that. What if she was asking you for one thing but really wanted you to do another for her like drugs? It's better for you to say no and for her to get mad and act passive aggressive than it is for both of you to get hurt.



the_phoenix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,489
Location: up from the ashes

13 Jul 2016, 6:15 pm

Noca wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
1) Tell Friend 1 that she should loan you $600 because you're three times more in debt than she is ... Okay, don't literally tell her that. Anyways, it's sad when friends make unrealistic expectations about other people's money. She wants the silent treatment? Go for it ... give her some space. If she's a real friend, she should come around.

2) You made me grimace, reminding me of a real similar situation, only far more public. See, I was meeting this TV star, and told this person as a compliment that they were one of the most unique characters. Well, the star became seriously offended and said, "You mean, I'm THE most unique character." I responded that no, in fact I meant exactly what I had originally said. The star was all huffy and upset ... and me being who I am (I have all the social skills of a Star Trek Q) ... well, I'm afraid at that point I made a comment which was not the most polite in the world, but boy was it funny. Things did not end well, but we silently both went our separate ways. The star shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. (I will say that the star was not a Q.) What I learned was that sometimes when you meet a favorite movie or TV star, you might end up disappointed to learn that they're not as nice as you thought. So think really hard about whether to meet them in the first place.

...

They all come back eventually sometimes months later. My email/skype has been the same since 2003 so it isn't like I make myself hard to find. It just sucks having next to no one to talk to in the meantime during my already boring isolated life.

When I read your story I kept picturing thr actor who played Q as the one you were talking about lol.


1) Yeah, Noca ... I kinda guessed they would come back. That's a bright spot ... I think! :)

2) No, it was not the actor who played Q.

3) Meanwhile, I think I scared a couple of friends away because I invited them to attend an art show where I had some abstract art paintings on display ...Yes, they attended the show. But afterwards, they haven't called me for weeks now. Always something, huh. But I have to be true to myself regardless.

Well, we do our best ...