My situation with making friends is very frustrating

Post Reply New Topic

Alright so I'm a married man with very few friends. I literally have my wife and 2 real life friends (one I see maybe every few months, the other I rarely see). They are both guys. The rest of my friends are just people I know online.

I generally get along with women more. Nearly all my online friends are women. I don't trust guys much because I've dealt with so many rude ones over the years (online and offline). But the normal of "guys have more guy friends, girls have more girl friends" is what most people still tend to follow. I don't cheat, but girls are paranoid that I want to cheat or whatever.

I've considered going to meetups to meet new friends- but I would be drawn to the women more, because of my past stuff with guys. I know that's not fair to people but I doubt I will just change anytime soon. In time I will perhaps. I always chicken out of going to a meetup. If by some rare chance I'm at some place with many people- I don't socialize too much due to being shy.

Its so rough just having mainly online friends.. but I have gotten used to it. Familairity is what I enjoy a ton in life. I really wish I could just make online friends nearby then meet them after I know them enough. The getting to know each other part is usually the roughest. I'm either too picky or they are, or I just chicken out.


Any advice is welcome, thanks.

Wow, not a single reply. So many views though. Sorry my situation is so weird... or sorry I don't post here enough to be with the "regulars" that reply to like everything

I just joined and your post was one of the first I read today, and it really resonates with me. I don't have any advice unfortunately but I can definitely relate to your situation. I have my husband and one good friend, beyond that making friends/going out to meet people is next to impossible for me. Social anxiety and low self esteem and terrible social awkwardness makes meeting and keeping friends - or keeping a job for that matter - really difficult for me. I feel like there's no place for me in this world so that's why I signed up for this site.

Anyhow you aren't alone, just wanted to say thanks for you post as I always need reminders I'm not alone either.

Welcome to the site! I'm glad I could help I guess

hey

at least you have 2 friends, i only have 1 friend, and im losing him when i go to uni, i know we will drift as we won't be able to meet anymore and he's a console gamer, so won't be on things like steam as much to talk to.

personally i see your issue is just a lack of confidence, generally i find once you leap, you find it wasn't so bad after all. perhaps you could take your wife with you as a safe guard? that way you have a refuge to go back to if things arn't working out (and a conversation piece, and people won't think your wanting to cheat).

confidence is an issue for me when making friends, but my main one is that most people don't want to be my friend, they take one look or have one sentence with me and go......"this guys SO boring, when can i leave?" or all too commonly "hey, this guys boring, but look, he's vulnerable, i think im going to take advantage of that to make myself feel better" or the rare occurrence (thank god) "this guys vulnerable and gullable, ill pretend to be his friend, even invite him to things, but it will only be a trap, so i can REALLY destroy him with all my friends".

I sort of shared this to tell you that there are people just like you, hell some even worse, at this, you seem to have a good knowledge and ease of making friends, especially online, so why not take advantage of that? what do you do online thats so different?, again with the familiarity of someone you know coming with you could help really well.

It's easy to socialize with people online. But I've learned that most wont last. People add randoms all the time and then don't even talk to them. I hate the whole social media craze- follow 100000 people, friend 100000 people just because you see something cool by them. Then generally they get ignored.

My two real life friends don't have time for me and I'm lucky if I get a message or two back and forth through them on Facebook or on the phone.

Sorry I don't like the "but at least you have.." mindset a lot I'm sorry that others have it worse. I really hate comparisions. I tend to enjoy what I can, but its not easy. I'm not going to just accept the stuff always because it could be worse or "at least I have something". Thats not how my brain works. I'm not trying to be selfish here, just realistic.

Yes I do lack confidence, but when I do try stuff.. I fail miserably almost always. I've been rejected a ton and I dont have the strength to try many more times to get rejected more.

Heck... this site has rejected me a ton. Most of the regulars here don't post in my topics, because I'm not part of their "social cliques/groups" on here. It's like high school all over again- people latching onto others and forming groups, while I'm on the outside. I've posted plenty here- but because its not regularly, I don't get noticed. I would like to be proven wrong, but I doubt I will be. It's sickening and just horrible how it is.

I can understand the bitterness of having few friends. But first off, be thankful you have a wife. And appreciate her properly if you do not already. I went through a personal crisis a few years ago when basically my only friend had his first kid. We hung out almost everyday for years. I really don't have any friends other than him. And I generally hate most online social instruments. So I have no online friends either.

Reason I bring this up is, my sadness for not having friends eventually drove a wedge between me and my wife that grew into a divorce.

You shouldn't scoff at the idea that you should appreciate what you have and not focus on what you don't. If you do not learn that skill you will always be miserable. It's a hard skill to develop I do get that. You really have to make a determined effort to try. And fail. Often. But the only way anybody can be happy is to try and focus on what you have. We'll always have lack. Especially if we're always consciously or subconsciously seeking it. So to learn to live with lack is crucial to a less miserable existence.

What is it that you look for in a friend? Do you have very high standards? I know I do, and it's why I don't have any really. Just like relationships, some people don't make friends because their standards are unreasonably high and rigid. What do you want friends for? To do things with? To confide in?

I rarely see my friends in person outside of talking to them online as they don't live nearby and my health isn't what iy used to be so I don't do a lot of travelling and don't really meet ppl in person anymore. The internet is great for making friends who are in the same situation, can relate or get along really well with but chances are they don't live next door which really sucks, but I guess it is what it is.

I have problems with making friends as well, let alone keeping them. As far as being shy, I would say I used to have a problem with that when I was younger, but nowadays it was more of trying to open up to others, and unless I know the person very well, that was unlikely, even for my closest friends (in the historic past), there are still some things that I would never open up to them. I would say that nowadays, most of my friends would be from mutual friends people within my group or share common interests, and even then the bond is not very strong but more firm than that of a acquaintances.