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ThisAdamGuy
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Location: Northwest Arkansas

18 Jul 2016, 8:45 am

Look, I want to make friends. I'm just terrible at it. The prospect of going out and just striking up a conversation with someone I've never met before is freaking terrifying. When I ask for advice, people always tell me to get on MeetUp.com and look for groups doing things I enjoy doing. Problem is, there aren't any. I like reading, writing, playing video games, stuff like that. The people around here like muddin', huntin', fishin', gettin' drunk, and watchin' football. There's only one MeetUp group doing things I enjoy (D&D), but it's an hour's drive away, and their meetings are always in the evenings, when I'm at work. There are a couple book clubs nearby, but they're always in the middle of a series I haven't read, or have no interest in reading ("This week we're reading the ninth book in some crappy Twilight ripoff series! Yaaaay!"). I've been told to start my own MeetUp, but that's even scarier than just trying to talk to people I don't know, because I'm inviting those people I don't know into my house. I'm not into the bar/club scene at all, I'd pretty much rather be lonely than go there. It seems like there aren't any ways to make new friends around here, you're just supposed to already have them. Anybody have some advice for me?


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LookWhoItIs
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Location: Deep South U.S.A.

18 Jul 2016, 10:02 pm

There's no easy answer once you're past college-age. Those of us who didn't obtain a social circle by our late teens/early twenties are screwed for life. It sounds like the things you like do are things that people generally do on their own. You may have just to compromise and do something you're not really interested in...if you don't see anything you like, maybe go with the thing you dislike the least.



Nist498
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19 Jul 2016, 6:44 am

Remember that you don't have to place a meet up at your house. It just has to be a venue that everybody who could attend can have access to. For instance a local game store might allow you to host a DnD game there because it helps promote their products and get customers in the door. Same with a book store like Barnes and Noble and a book club. Just ask the proprietors if it would be ok, you just never know.


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CyclopsSummers
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23 Jul 2016, 1:12 pm

I have joined meetup groups on meetup.com that suit my interests. I first joined two years ago. I have encountered many interesting people at the meetups... but none of them were ever interested in pursuing a friendship. Part of this is also due to their infrequency in joining events of any given group; it seems that I am one of few people who will return to almost every event of a group I've joined. I always see new faces. I keep hoping that so-and-so will join the next hike or language exchange meetup, but then they do not show up and I never see them again. It is frustrating, because I don't typically exchange contact information on the first meetup. Likewise, I've been reluctant toward using meetup.com's message system to get into contact with people I've only met once.

There is also the frustrating element that a certain portion of the meetup attendees (who are mostly well-educated and have 'nice' jobs) look down upon my job as a warehouse worker (and before, as a cleaner) and can't get past this notion of 'social hierarchy', even though I can easily talk about many subjects. So it's irritating to always have to weed out the people who can look past that and just take everyone as they are.

What I'm trying to say is that Meetup.com may not hold all the answers to your current predicament. It's nice to meet people with similar interests, but even they may not be on the same wavelength as you. Meanwhile, I'd advice you to not stop your search; if there is nothing of interest on meetup.com, there may be other venues. I am also a member of a local nature lovers club and a history club, and through them I am meeting interesting people. Most of them are 30 or 40 years older than I am, but I'm holding my breath that I'll meet someone my age soon enough. :)


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