08 Aug 2016, 10:47 am
As we all know, users and abusers exist in the world and sometimes it can be hard to detect them. Ideally, we would all like to detect them first sight. From experience from meeting a lot fo different people, I’ve learned some ways to detect users and abusers. 1) They say and do things that make you feel like they are opening up to you really quickly. 2) They immediately say and do things that make you feel safe to let your guard down and open up to them. 3) Their friendships immediately seems too good to be true. 4) Many will flirt and make you think they’re attracted to you to get you excited. 5) They seem to have multiple personalities that seem to constantly switch around different people. 6) Their emotions seem exaggerated. 7) They consistently discusses struggles and misfortunes they’re experiencing- oftentimes making you feel sorry for them and want to help them out. 7) They ask you to do things for them in ways that will make you feel guilty if you didn’t. 
They make you feel confused about yourself.9) You get a lingering feeling that you are constantly doing things wrong when your around them. 10) You feel an increasing feeling of incompetence and low self esteem as your around them. 11) You might feel a heightened self esteem that suddenly changes in an instant. 12) They do subtle things that make you feel less smart, less competent, less accomplished. 13) You’ll feel like wanting to be around them because they give you hope for something that hasn’t happened yet. 14) They are highly reactive when criticized. 15) They like to run the show and be in control of things. I hope you find this helpful. If you know any other tell tale signs, please share.
If you suddenly find yourself a victim of a user or abuser, here are some tips to get out of a toxic user/abuser type of relationship: 1) Understand it may be challenging to get out of a user/abuser relationship- you’ll be tricked into thinking they are your friend- that you might regret leaving the relationship and they’ve given you hope about something that hasn’t happened yet. 2) Understand user/abusers will try make you feel guilty and bad if you try to get out. Don’t fall for it and don’t feel guilty. Understand that the hope they have given you will not get met. 3) Cut contact from them and don’t see them- even if you have the urge, feel guilt, and understand they will try to make you feel guilty if you contact them. 4) Get rid of every reminder such as pictures, letters, and gifts from that person. 5) If person persistently tries to contact you, file a restraining order. 6) Give yourself time to grieve. You will go through a period of guilt, resentment, frustration, and anger. Work on a strategy to let go of the grief. Have people that you can talk to. Journal your feelings and emotions. 7) Journal everything the person does or keeping a log just in case the person tries to accuse you of any wrong doing. I hope this is helpful. If you know any other suggestions please share!
